--Dreams know of no Boundaries-->>

2009-03-09T12:58:00.001+08:00

For Everyone's Info, I've long since shifted to using Wordpress! GOTCHA.
Hahaha.
Playing a trick was never my intention.
Juz know that I've shifted my allegiance to Wordpress now. =)

2008-11-24T02:25:00.004+08:00

Erm. I'm shocked into unhappy disbelief by this.

From sg.movies.yahoo.com

Cinemas Showing
	Body Of Lies (28)
	Madagascar 2: The Crate Escape (27)
	Beverly Hills Chihuahua (25)
	Quantum Of Solace (24)
	Winx Club: The Secret Of The Lost Kingdom (18)
	City Of Ember (15)
	Wild Child (15)
	High School Musical 3: Senior Year (13)
	Cape NO.7 (12)
	The Good The Bad And The Weird (10)
	Rec (7)
	Sing To The Dawn (5)
	The Coffin (5)
	Dostana (3)
	Saw V (3)
	Dragon Hunters (2)
	Tropic Thunder (2)
	Carrot Cake Conversations (1)
	Choke (1)
	Fashion (1)
	Golmaal Returns (1)
	Rabbit Without Ears (1)
	Talk To Me (1)
	Yuvvraj (1)

From au.movies.yahoo.com

All Movies Showing
Ordered by number of screenings this week
	Quantum of Solace
	Nights in Rodanthe
	Australia
	Sex Drive
	Burn After Reading
	Death Race
	Rocknrolla
	Traitor
	The Women
	Mirrors
	How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
	Saw V
	Body of Lies
	The Duchess
	American Teen
	Brideshead Revisited
	Dying Breed
	Newcastle
	Beverly Hills Chihuahua
	The Wackness
	Journey to the Centre of the Earth
	Max Payne
	The Grocer's Son
	Wall-E
	Young@Heart
	Eagle Eye
	In Bruges
	Step Brothers
	My Best Friend's Girl
	House Bunny
	Choke
	Space Chimps
	The Visitor
	Mamma Mia!
	Santa vs the Snowman 3D
	Wild Child
	And When Did You Last See Your Father?
	Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging
	The Bank Job
	Taken
	Children of the Silk Road
	Hancock
	Dinosaurs 3D: Giants of Patagonia
	My Blueberry Nights
	Funny Games
	Wild Africa 3D
	Salute
	We Own the Night
	The Painted Veil
	The Edge of Love
	Space Station 3D
	Deep Sea 3D
	The Strangers
	The Dark Knight
	E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial
	Shackleton's Antarctic Adventure
	Disaster Movie
	Ten Canoes
	Once
	Greece: Secrets of the Past
	Bonneville
	Leatherheads
	Married Life
	Stop Loss
	Sharkwater
	The History Boys
	The Tracker

2008-11-16T22:28:00.004+08:00

Am I changing?
That shouldn't have to be a bad thing.
But I feel quite bad about it.
I don't want to be constantly unsure of myself.
I don't want to constantly leave myself hanging, and feel like there's no ground beneath me for a safe landing.
I am questioning -everything-, even the things I was so sure about before.
That is ridiculous.
I know there has to be a point where I stop.
I don't have to always push myself like this.
I am not ineloquent.
I am not emo.
Why the hell I wonder if I am anyway.
I was not meant to be an angry person.
Because I have much to live for.
I have much to be happy about.
I have much to be sad about even.
And even then, it is fine.
Because I shall allow myself to feel.
I shall allow myself to question.
Without getting to breaking point.
Because some things will never ever change.
Even if most things do.
Even if I should change.
It's okay to be scared.
It's okay to be insecure.
I can feel.
I can question.
I do not have to be in control.
I do not have to nag at myself.
I will allow it to come.
I will let the words come.
I'll let them come out of me.
Instead of holding back.
It's okay to be bored even.
It's okay to be on your own.
It's okay to stand apart from everyone else.
If that's the way it feels sometimes.
It's okay because
I still have some good times left.
Good times are waiting for me.
I can be a million different people
As the song goes.
And the million different people
Will all be me.

Author's Note: Seems that I write 'poetry' when I have free time like now, when I don't have any schoolwork to do at the moment. Lol.

DUN WORRY YEAH.. Lol. I am perfectly fine. Not depressed at all. This blog is the place where I just am honest. This blog is not where I write about happy things, because one doesn't have to actually talk about happy things anyway. That's what I always say yeah. But the fact that I want to share it all here, shows that I really am open about all this! This 'other' side of me, if I may put it like so. ^^ Erm. I really dun know how I'm changing. I'm getting old... Haha, NOT. Crazy about the movies as I am, I think I see things nowadays (whether in actuality or in my head. For me, seeing reality in a different way is all that really interests me) instead of saying things. I see and do, and not say. Haha yeah, maybe that's just it... Uh huh. Well, I'll be back with more to say perhaps. Till then, Ciaooooo.

2008-09-29T20:18:00.002+08:00

Hmm. My posts seem to be lacking lustre. Lesser icon faces and exclamation marks! Am I tired? No! It's unlike me! Well, I guess I sound better on msn. But hmm. I realize the difference in the posts. But I am not gonna be unlike me! If you get what I mean. =)
Ciao!

2008-09-29T19:37:00.004+08:00

Guess I was freaking out quite a lot at the Melb Street Arts Project because it is a new experience for me. One I did not even have the chance to participate in before. And I didn't know how it should all be sitting with me. And I have yet to understand the impact I have, want to have, on people. Aiyaya. Okay, enough! This blog is an avenue for me to figure out my thoughts and feelings but, I don't need to do so at this moment! At times, I am certainly tired of myself. That's normal! I see from movies or hear in songs regarding what is normal! And I know it is not always productive for me to stubbornly work at forming some understanding of my thoughts and feelings; it is just so I can fill in some empty spaces. But maybe that's about enough now. My thoughts are like so. My feelings are like so. What they are, I kinda know. Time to put in effort for it, churn out something for it.

2008-09-27T21:10:00.010+08:00

It has now become such that I am tired, and am not making a start to talk about this something I really want to talk about. But there you go. I have begun. I was part of the Melbourne Street Arts Project. And I'm going to talk about things far beyond this. 'Cause what I talk about in my blog is with regards to my thoughts. And my feelings. Let me begin with saying that I -loved- the Street Arts Project. I love it so much. I probably will repeat this throughout. Why not? I love it, I love it, I love it. And yet, this is not going to be me raving about how much I loved the festival. You know me. (that is, know-know me?) I wander with my thoughts. Okay, can we get to the point right now?
That is me talking to myself. That's pretty much what I do on my blog. Because this blog is full of things that I am not likely to say in real life. These are the things you keep aside, store somewhere, and they're not seen outwardly, but these are the things which make you the person you are. This is how I speak on my blog too. I get philosophical. I rattle on about things which I'm not sure whether they are useful to think about. I get happy. I get sad. I get exhilarated. I get depressed. I'm not depressed right now. I just need to do some writing. I haven't blogged in such a long time.
So what do I have to say about the Street Arts Project? I'm not sure. Let's see where this goes. It has ended. And that is all? It was just for those two days? Boy, am I going to contradict myself in my blog too. This is my space for freedom of speech. Or is it freedom of thought. I don't even speak much. I suppose I should stop putting myself down for choosing to remain mute sometimes. Coz I'm not so bad at socializing. But there are just times when one simply gets it or one simply doesn't. And I'm such a lazy ass that I don't even try to get it. If I don't get it, I don't get it. I suppose I make life harder for myself too. Too rebellious. Not even rebelling for any cause. Hohoho. Rebel Without A Cause. Did I just come to understand why that movie is titled as such? I must try to watch that. Okay, first comes the self-bashing, then the reconciliation of conflicting elements. Lolz. So that I can carry on. I kinda view my days one day at a time.
Track back. "But this is me being the sort who cannot commit to any long-term job." It's like I can't get to understand things too well. I can't stay put. I'll try to roam off again, roam free. Run away, if that's how you see it. Is that what I want? And to think that I like to see myself as the kind of person who will stick by a closest friend. No questions asked. Just need the feeling of being able to count on the person for a wordless kind of understanding or just empathy. Or just the ability to laugh at stupid things - laugh together. You get it, I get it. I miss my friends. I love my family. I love my friends. But I'm going for something more by coming out here. I have barely learnt enough. That creeps me out too. This is me, this is where I am, no more, no less. And I'll come back to this later.
See what I mean when I say I can't talk about these things in real life? I actually track back. How could I track back in a conversation and not seem abnormal? Haha. You know, I really should learn not to get distracted halfway in a conversation. Something gets stuck in my head, and then I cease to listen to the other person properly, even when the person is worth listening to. But I feel free to track back when I am crapping with my family and friends. :)
So I've established that I'm kinda mute sometimes, or because I believe in trying, I attempt to speak and then turn out sounding like an idiot. That's not so bad. It happens to all of us. But it's how I feel about it that matters to me. I don't like sounding like an idiot. T_T But I try. And is it quite enough to be just trying. Coz what else can I do but try. Can I stop getting ahead of myself all the time already. You know you got a lifetime ahead of you to be trying. Yeah yeah, uh huh.
Okay, saying all this ain't new. What else have I got to say still. I try because I want to be trying anyway. I want to say something to some person. It's either I'm desparate to (get-it-over-and done-with kind of thing), or maybe (more rarely) I desparately desire to. Whoa oh. Desire. I like to see additional meanings in words. Hey, it's cool for artists to use sexual innuendoes in their work right? Lol.
A uni friend said to me almost everything is about sex, and I forgot if she gave me an example, but I first brought up the fact that people say fairytales have sexual connotations. Yeah... What do I know about sex? Nothing. It means nothing to me. Is it taboo? Whatever. Lol. My dear family, if you're reading this, do not be alarmed. Hahaha. I'm just saying. And it's not something that can't be said. Is it great? Well, I'm waiting. See if I can be convinced. See if that happens when the time does come. Haha. Righttttt pardon the nonsense now. Just had to say it. But what else can be said about it? Nope nothing. Moving on.
Hmm I don't know what I am supposed to be talking about. The above bit is relevant? It might just be though I didn't intend to write that. It's subconsciously part of the changes that are taking place with me? Dun go too far with that. XD I am merely growing a mind now. A mind that has to decide on things to say unlike "Squirtle! I choose you!" or "Nazou wa subete toketa! (The mystery is solved!)" Lol. I loved (still do) the Pokemon series and jdrama The Files of Young Kindaichi. Now I watch stuff varying from Grey's Anatomy to the Alien movie series, and I wanna watch Hitchcock's Psycho finally.
Can I seriously get to the point now. Ahaha. I don't care much for giving a playlist of the stuff I like to watch. Hehehhh. Well, I should be learning not to take too long to get down to saying what I want to say. Should I start to say a little something about other ppl now, and risk getting sued for defamation? Haha not funny. When did I start to crack jokes like that? Too formal. What kind of person do I come across as? What I know is it's good to learn humour in life. I've just grown a mind, and I need to be guiding myself.
Sometimes it's like we're all just waiting for the sky to fall. Sorrie. Randomness. Anyone out there who can tell me that growing as a youngster is ever easy? Well, I don't have it too hard. I wasn't born that way. Now everything's okay. And I will make my life the best it can be and all. But why does everything impress upon me that the sky's just waiting to fall? I don't look at everything that way. I could be getting the wrong message. But generally, not everything is fine and dandy. You know, when I blog so vaguely like this, I feel like I could convince the whole world to agree with what I say. Ahahaha.
I am vulnerable. I am scared. So what right. I'm not the only one. I suddenly think I should not just keep talking about all this. Something should be done in the time I have. Whatever means something to me. I ought to try to find some new friends here who know things may be pessimistic, but they're always up on their feet. These are the fun people. Who do what they can with what they get. Anything could be fun. That's why I miss my friends, each with individual self-defining characteristics of their own. It's a little thing, but also a big thing. I don't pinpoint the characteristics, we just talk about crap and laugh. But, at least that doesn't feel like an everyday thing. One day should not be same as another, one thing we do should not be the same as another. Haven't seen some of my friends for a pretty long time, I wonder how we'll speak to each other when I get back! Will the manner change? I don't intend for the change to be much. =)
Randomness once more. Why some people wear sunglasses for? Out of necessity always? I'm cool with it, I really think that's called style. But, I'm kinda curious to picture them otherwise too. Without the shades. I have fun with thinking I should just keep staring at their shades if they won't let me see their eyes properly (that's just a wall ppl put there, you know). Burn a hole through their head or sth. Lol. Crazy. I want Cyclops' shades. No seriously. I'm gonna go shop for a pair of shades myself. And hope that I don't choose another wrong pair this time. The stuff I shop for need to be quite versatile. 8) Oh gawd, can I cut down on using such formal words. I can't speak like that to other people of my age. Haha right. So many people out here upon my coming here to Melbourne. They all seem to 'have it all going' for them. But really, there is much more going on here. I get overwhelmed. I never got that in Singapore.
I took a break and watched House bloopers on Youtube. That was too funny. I dunno what to say in this post now. Lolx. My mind had been focused, now it's not. It loosened up, and the focus's gone. Haha. I just gotta be getting out there and see what new stuff could I be getting involved in. The MSAP was something so different (for me), and I dun wanna forget that. I wasn't the best that I could be. But I wanna forget that. .....Haha. I was watching House bloopers, and even with them doing bloopers, they're still brilliant. I'm not there yet. I barely know what I can be. It's a little bit of a struggle. Because I hope I can do more than what I've been offered. Forget the crap. Do what you need to do. For yourself or whatever. And you can enjoy and be happy about it. You do that for yourself, keep yourself relatively happy. You need to, you want to, get something done. This is pretty usual stuff I say. Hmm.
I get worked up whenever I hear good stuff or watch good movies. Love it, but I get worked up too. Haha. Not seeing how I can go into movies yet. Not sure if I have a taste for good music. But I 'spot' movie soundtracks all the time. =P When I hear it, I may know it. Hahahh yah. Oooh I have to get a movie cam on my own. Film stuff and load onto Youtube! HA. I think I feel pretty comfortable behind a cam too. It's awesome to capture moments, if you know what I mean. And I like using new ways to capture stuff. And not see the same old stuff in the same old ways. But of course the real subject is important too, not just what's captured. Hmm. 'Captured in a moment'. Whatd'ya think of this phrase I just coined? As I said, I like word play. ^^
How much time and effort does one need to be perfecting the two 'me's? The perfect angel and the perfect monster. I project myself as the former. Lol. I'm not so far gone as to be a complete monster. x_x
At the end of the day, I am still a speechless or rambling idiot who doesn't think she should hang on to the hope of wanting to be completely free. I got that. Whenever I need it, I got that, at the very least. Safe ground. Sorrie, now I'm starting to paint pretty metaphorical pictures. In order to make things easy, sometimes we make things hard. The Beatles sing, "Living is easy with eyes closed". I get that. Don't we all.
Am I too ideological? What am I cut out to do? I'll hate to find work as an adult. WORK. Can I still explore new stuff then? As a student, I'm reading chapters from different books each week. Aw, not really. Lately I've been falling behind with my dossier reading. Coz I have had to set my bum down in the kitchen (nowhere near my bed) and work on essays there till 6am in the morning. I make sure I get like 6, 7 hours of beauty sleep though. But this is the only way I get essays done this sem. Lol. Sometimes I take it that it's up to me whether I want to do the essays. This is my life. Yeah yeah, whatever. And I was the one who chose to get a media degree at least. At the very least, my sch course ain't half as bad. Only used handycam so far though. I do the essays. It's up to me WHEN. Haha. I actually do the essays coz I'm a little interested to anyway. I choose to write abt what I have some interest to know about.
I freak out. I probably freak people out sometimes. I may be too 'hyper'. This very 'high' airhead. LOL. I dun wanna have a bright smiley face, when there's a blackhole where my mind's supposed to be. It drops away. And I summon it up. Lol. Guess I could smile like a fool sometimes though. =)
MSAP got me to start writing this very long post after being away from my blog for such a long while.
What if 'We're the all singing, all dancing crap of the world?' (Fight Club) You and me sing and dance along too. There's only so much you can do. No. Whatever. Tomorrow's another day. Hah. End of sem is coming up. Time to be bogged down by assignments. Got a two week volunteering stint for this thing called Newsline at RMIT. TWO WEEKS! School is so gonna mess me up. Hmm, school better not mess with me.
In Da Scene and Queen Band were cool. This is the age of the cool. But really, their music had tunes which weren't just made up like that. Chinese pop music sometimes really suck you know. They just go on and on for the sake of it. I make comparisons like that. Chinese pop music, no. In Da Scene and Queen Band are good because the music sounds like it's more than that. The tunes can strike you, and then there are the lyrics. Man, I could come up with some sentences myself, since I like to play with words. :P Yah yah, when I have the time, I'm going to say.
The very nice lady who drew my portrait, and the artist who says he just does other people's paintings, and the bubble guy even were cool too. You should have seen how the shy bubble guy smiled while he formed the bubbles. Kids played with the bubbles. It isn't nice to have been shot down and made to retreat into shyness like that. The world is showing me some stuff. Just look around sometimes, and the sky might seem like it's falling already. Haha. No lar. I don't go looking for these things only. I look for other things. The bands have cool guys, and I get heart failure. Never saw how cool deejaying is. Is it easy? Lol. Huh? Who? What? Dun ask me. Bye. ^^

2008-07-26T09:11:00.002+08:00

I want to type out two extracts from a book entitled "Requiem", which is written by Curtis White. I always do this if I think certain extracts are worth remembering. So since I wanna type them out anyway, I thought I'll post them on this blog!
I've been thinking of doing more 'professional' stuff, for instance I haven't posted the collage I did in the last semester. I wanna fill my flickr account with some photos of mine which turned out pretty cool and all too~ =D Well, I will actually be blogging for school this semester! Wait for me to show some of this cool work I'll be doing ;D

SOMETHING UNDERSTOOD (2)

Phophet: Sure.
Madman: Okay, you're out in the world. You're driving your car around town. You're looking at people. The people are "doing their thing", like we used to say. The things that make them who they are. It all seems congruent. There seems to be an "operating order of life" at work. Can you say that?
Prophet: What?
Madman: "Operating order of life."
Prophet: Operating order of life.
Madman: Very good. So you go to a 7-Eleven or the convenience store of your choice. Have you ever noticed that the franchise operations that proliferate in California all originated in, like, Ypsilanti, Michigan, or some other godforsaken backwater? It's like someone named John or Fred had this great idea. For example, a place called Double Play where you can get hot dogs and donuts? People like hot dogs and they like donuts, so if you can put them both in the same place they'll like your store twice as much as they would otherwise. The store takes off. Fred experiments with a new product called "Hum Doggie Dinger" which is essentially a hot dog going through the center of a donut. Then the "Doggie Doppel Dinger" in which the donut is in fact a meat product of who-the-hell-cares-what-kind and the hot dog is a seasoned pastry. People are wrapped around the freaking block to get the stuff. But there's still only one there in Ypsilanti. That's where the guy from Los Angeles gets in the picture. He buys the rights to market and franchise Double Play nationally. California first, of course. But later eventually everywhere from Moscow to Bangkok. And just as soon as this "concept" hits the air of old California, it multiplies. It's viral. It really is. Not even the guy from L.A. knows prezactly why or how it works. All he knows is that one day he's in Palo Alto and there's a Double Play. He crosses the Bay. There's another in Hayward. Every two blocks in that place. He looks in his checking account. It's blossomed. The bank doesn't know how to count that high.
Prophet: I'm not following.
Madman: Trust me. I'm on topic. So, as I was saying, you go into one of these places and there is the thing you want, a Slurpee, let's say, and the person behind the counter is, first, there, and she knows what to do, she knows she's supposed to give you the Slurpee and take a very particular and specific amount of money from you and you actually have the money in your pocket because someone who makes the pants knows that you'd like pants with pockets for your money and no one screws up with the numbers on the money either and she hands you the Slurpee which is purple and you smile like isn't it nice that someone knows that I'd like a cold purple drink as opposed to a cold drink of another color and further knows that it's not exactly a drink you want but a kind of un-creamy frozen mixture, more like snow, which gives you enormous amounts of spine-tingling pleasure (but who is responsible for that?!) and she smiles as you complete your transaction and you are both aware that you have participated successfully in a transaction with no effort or dissonance of any kind and you take your purple Slurpee outside, out into the warm, bright air and there are a few other humans around and it occurs to you that if you wanted you could engage any of them in an interaction-whether a transaction or some other sort of interaction, it's not crucial-you could speak with them or give them something, you understand their clothing and automobiles and so on.
In short, you get it. You're with it. You're in it. You're part of the flow, the operating order of life. Finally, you stick the Slurpee straw in your mouth and suck and it doesn't necessarily taste like "grape" but it doesn't taste like a window either. It tastes like what you expected, a purple Slurpee.
Prophet: What?

-----

(Just a random quote)

So you'll take the soup can and like it!

2008-07-05T17:38:00.002+08:00

Discoveries of The Day
1. Sausages are better baked than fried.
(My attempt to fry them only made them too oily -eek-, and they were not juicy the way they should be, instead they were more like oozing oil)
2. I know how to make scrambled eggs.
(The surprise is, I thought I would know how to make an omelette and would be quite clueless as to how to make scrambled eggs. But I ended up making the latter instead!)
3. I've forgotten the third one. Sheesh.

It feels like learning to cook has been about using some common sense for me. Haha. Isn't it... All kinds of cooking oil, seasoning, sauces can just bought from the supermarket. And all of them can be consumed. So I just throw anything together as I please. Lol! That was how I made vegetable soup for myself just recently too. I was eating lettuce for ages, then decided to switch to eating some chinese leafy veg. And I realized that even though lettuce is kind of my fav veg (or the only veg I'm not so against eating XP), I still didn't like to eat it on its own! It'll be tasteless... I don't take salad dressing either! So how? Make soup lor... Yah, soup is a good idea. It's nice to have a soup along with my other relatively dry dish. Lolx. That makes it sound awful, I bet. I mean by the term of 'dry dish', e.g. rice with some kind of fillet I have baked etc etc. I've found like, squid fillets in the supermarket here! I like to eat breaded fillets. ^-^ I found on coming here that I like to eat seafood! And hard to believe, fish! Don't like chicken as much. Don't like tough meats. I didn't like fish before! The kinds of fish I ate in singapore weren't nice lei?? The fish I ate during mealtimes at home are like 'chee-na' kind one... Got a lot of bones, and the fish meat not much and not that nice... The fishy taste kinda too strong lei... Don't like chinese style fish! Gimme fish and chips style fish! Hahah~
Oh and, back to what I was saying, I thought how difficult it was to make veggie soup sia... But when I made it myself, I was thinking 'Chey...So easy'. Haha. I was younger back then! More naive... I thought that veggie soup seemed difficult to make because they had a particular colour, were seasoned to have a particular saltiness or whatever... Basically, my veggie soup was made in this way. Throw the veggies in the pot. Add water. Add less than 1 spoonful of seasoning. Splash some sesame oil. (Love the smell of sesame oil!) Splash some soy sauce. (Don't even like soy sauce much. I'm gonna go buy some marinade) Stir the thing, and the water becomes soup. =.= As I said, it's nice to have soup to go with the rice or whatever. Makes it easier for the rice to go down. Makes quite a complete meal in this case. Ahaha~
Right. Gonna go already. Going to go make some coffee. Then have to get in touch with some people online, and try to find things to do to fill my next semester (Just had a thought! There is Borders bookstore near my school too! Should I find time to work there? Hmm. I realize I like working in Borders coz they have info corner~ Info corner is cool, get to chat with ppl. I realize I like to chat and connect with ppl, but more often than not these days, I have to find crap to talk about. Major headache >.< Working at info corner gives me confidence, I get to help ppl find whatever books they want lar, yada yada. Maybe thats why that beats the experience of working at a cinema! So I haven't tried to apply for work at a cinema yet. But its just I have romanticized thoughts of getting to see the bewildered expressions on the faces of the ppl watching the movies, and I can think 'Oh yeah, I'm gonna work that magic in the near future too!' Haha sure yeah yeah.)
Okay, quite able to work something out of nothing here! Haha. This post is about almost nothing at all. Lolz~ Seems like I could learn to work something out of nothing! Haha. Life is as such. Should try to get myself to fill my time, tell miself that I have other better things to be thinking about when unnecessary and sometimes inexplainable angsty emotions of a young adult set in. Muahaha X)
I want to fit more reading activity into my time. Write some (hopefully creative) nonsense too. Learn movies. Learn guitar. Join the mailing lists of some clubs I've found so I can go to maybe screenings and directors' Q&As. Start to teach tuition (teaching chinese to caucasians. Haha isn't that cute). Learn how to make conversation without driving myself crazy. There is conversation which I don't even have to plan about in my head, and that to me is good conversation? That's how a flow of conversation comes about. That IS nice conversation. But there are times when conversation is not exactly conversation. It's talk. It's forced or worse, pretentious. Oh wait, not really pretentious either. The other party doesn't look like he/she is even 'there'. Not on Earth. Gone. Not in front of you anyway, not concentrating on you, no real concern about what is going on with you or whatsoever. One look at the person, and it looks that way. Don't know lar. *shrugs* Hey, I got songs that back what I'm blogging about again. Hee. Fight Club's theme song (or so I believe) is called 'Where Is My Mind'. Do you observe that modern phenomena consists of a losing of oneself. Eminem's song. Shawn Colvin's 'Sunny Came Home'. 'Days go by / I don't know why / I'm walking on a wire'. Hah! There, I told you. I'm not wrong. Ah but scratch that. I can't believe anything can be perfect anymore. It's making the best out of things. It's making something out of nothing. But I'm not always strong. That's the only thing. I've got so far to go! That's another thing. It's easy to be uneasy. There's always a first time to be learning. But we all hope for some kind of point where we can settle and belong and grow to become the best we can be. Doesn't come easy.
MY GAWD! What kind of turn has my blog post taken again? Lol. Also need to go plan for my holiday with Justina, and just surf the net now!
I can't believe how it happens that I seem to have lotsa stuff to talk about here, but it becomes almost nothing when I go off the net and go about my daily activities. I don't know man. The 'me' that's here and the 'me' who goes about daily activities outside. It's quite natural that they are a little different. It's not exceptional. I'm just gonna trust myself more that I'm taking it all in the right direction. And work at not letting any other unimportant thing bear down on me. Can this be reconciled? Hmms. Story idea. Lolx. Different identities! Can they be reconciled? Aiyah! But lots of things have been done before! Do you know my lecturer even said that soOh mme people believe that 'everything has been done' because we've come this far? Everything has been thought of, and even reproduced e.g. adaptations and so on. But aw, not possible. Still, what I've been thinking is, my ideas now aren't even as good as they could be. Sometimes, I can't even count on my brain and imagination alone. Takes courage out there too. I'll just be getting on! See what gives in semester 2 and so on. Pray I won't be so emo and stressed again. But I will be, I know. Lol. Well, just know that there is a point to stop and give oneself time for a deep breath and go on, that's all lor.
Oh my gawd, I've gone on for about an hour. But that's a pretty okay time. Signing off for real now! Be back soon. It would seem that if I don't blog for too long, I tend to get quite crazy. Would feel too out of touch with myself mah. Could be the case. Haha bye.

2008-06-30T20:51:00.004+08:00

(Oh shoot, will change the blogskin and font soon as I can!)

I went for the screening of a feature film today, and there was a Q&A session with the director after that. Once again, my emotional state after that can be described in chinese i.e. with the words 'ji dong'! Doesn't exactly mean agitated. That has a negative connotation. So I guess it's... Exhilaration?? Haha. It's not pure excitement though. It feels like my mind and heart races, but I'm not phrasing anything in words, but I somehow know that it all means something to me! It means something in the course of my life; it means something to my state of mind and character at whatever point in my life. Movies, dramas, songs etc represent aspects of life. They are means of clarifying certain things in life (creators get something out of the process too), and those things 'speak' to us, as members of the audience. I am kinda losing my flow by trying to explain this. But I think I just set out to say that movies, dramas, songs help us all understand things. A connection is created when one senses something relevant to oneself. That's what makes it cool. I just came up with that. Yeah! That is cool because one doesn't necessarily need to talk to make a connection. Isn't it brilliant to watch a movie or something, and two people love it perhaps for the same reason, and nothing needs to be said and one will still understand the person because of the person's interests. I have been quite startled by the discovery that people love complexity. I love it too, but let me elaborate somemore as to why I am startled. Layered characters are interesting, aren't they. Nuanced performances are really cool. It's not crude. It's artistic. Deception is considered cool too. Deception sells nowadays. Deception, deceit, treachery. Perhaps in other words, perversity. I'll come back to talking about this 'perversity' later. I have to go to bed really soon. This is another thing I am learning. To get the things I want done in a faster time. I don't want to be slow, not if I can help it. I understand how fast paced living can lead to a missing out on some important things. Sometimes, one has to stop and notice what's important. Syndrome of 'modern forgetfulness'. Read these two words from an article in the newspapers here! There are a number of really good articles, and I especially like reading the ones that talk about well, present behaviour of society? Nothing's more interesting and relevant than learning about what's human. Therefore, I can never be really convinced about the value of pure mathematics. Unless it's about showing the ability of the human mind. Hehhh. But that's a less interesting prospect to me! X) But maybe, medical advancements come about because of that and people's lives will be saved. But I rant and rant, and things are still the same. Hahaha!
As I said, I have a short time left to write this blog post, so perhaps I'll say the main things I have to say and be done with it. It'll be random. Maybe I'll come back to organize the thoughts in this post a little.
The feature film is a docu-film about one woman's deception by the way. It is characteristic of a postmodern society too.
I can't believe how films make me feel. Amazing. Going on shopping trips or whatever don't even make me feel like that. Sure, they make me pretty happy. It's nice to dress light, have my clothes say a little something about the kind of person I am. Thus I would prefer to dress light, feel light. Perhaps it's more of dress light and funky. I layer my clothes too. It's cold now, so I have to anyway. Okay whatever. Back to the original topic. Sure, shopping trips make me happy. But watching a film, how different. How different that kind of 'high' is. It makes me feel like a person. Something like that.
But I will always feel like I am 'outnumbered'. It definitely seems like there are things I have to learn beyond those things that make me feel like a person. It seems that I also have to learn how to tell people about the 'happiness' that shopping brings me along with learning about this natural connection I feel on watching some movies. Is this connection I talk about a corny thing? No. Movies are made to get people to relate. Ooh, I don't know. Does that mean less and less? Look at the current Hollywood trend now. I guess I can't be a convincing skeptic if I don't have an argument supported by case studies. I don't even have the time to go into that now. Neither have I had the research done. You should know what I mean though. But of course, hopefully there are always cases which salvage the situation. Hopefully. Hope is singularly most important in a pandora's box? I have read about the term 'half light'. Sure, darkness can be cool. But it is more important that darkness can even help one to learn significant lessons and help one to emerge much better than before. Just don't turn to it for the sake of it. This is why I am attracted to the idea of darkness. I'm not just a young girl who's cute in her youth or something. I understand that I settle for acting that way in front of people sometimes. Not exactly either. I just pretend to keep my cool, in fact I can't do that at all. I am more than all that. But things make me forget that too. You know how there has to be a certain amount of pretense from day to day. Among other people who are not family or close friends. But let's not talk much about pretense either. It should not be of interest to me. It's not what is important. Yet, such 'skills' are needed. But I'm not going to go on and on about that. In this case, action and experience will do rather than writing about it. Writing is about understanding more important things.
Oh, I just want to add. Somebody has said that hope could be the worst evil of the evils inside pandora's box. Oh my gawd, how could somebody have come up with such an abstract idea. The evils of the world being released from a box. I love Greek mythology. Haven't read it in years. I remember now. I read a lot of it when I was a kid. Always went to Tampines library to borrow children books with Greek myths. The look of it. That is what's called majestic, isn't it! Those impressive columns. Such a clean and fine and impressive feel. Atmospheric. The 'elite' part of me likes stuff with a 'class' look. Such history is all very interesting. But aren't they just myths? Hmm, fact mixed with fiction. You want to believe they are real, and they look real to you, but they may be not. This world that is built on the sets of movies. Look real but they are not. Still, it's all very interesting. Just draws one in. In fact, fact mixed with fiction is something which is quite postmodern? The feature film is about this exactly. Hmm, my interests could be relevant to this current age in this way. Hehe. Well I just think one has to consider how to make one's work relevant sometimes right. I learnt from a set of school notes that writing is for the private self at first, and the next step will come when one is sure enough of oneself to be able to transform it for the eyes of the public.
Ooh, I just thought of the movie 'Gladiator'. Cool basis for a film. But hmm, that's about Rome. I think I remember that Troy didn't interest me as much. Most likely it's because there's just a lot of raving I hear about how sexy Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom are. =.= I've watched the movie myself. Don't remember it. Haha I am slamming the movie right now. Real big loss you don't have me for a fan. Haha naw. I don't have a grudge against the director. Don't know his films much. Don't know of any other film of his I dislike, if not I'll really be slamming his movies in general now. Lolz.
And I thought of Martin Scorsese's "The Age of Innocence" too. Watched it for school. Cool right. I gotta watch his gangster films. But one point I meant to make a main point in this blog post (but won't go on too much about it now either) is also such that I dun hope to go for cool things for the sake of it. Watch gangster films for the sake of 'awesome violence' in it. Like the idea of darkness also just because it's cool. There's more than that. There's more to being a teenager than being cool. What the hell. Teenager?? I'm 21. But I still feel like some martian being wherever it is. Lol. Ever heard of songs or whatever that sing of the difficulty of finding a place to belong? Linkin Park's 'Somewhere I Belong' familiar with you? Hah. Hmm I just saw that the lyrics go 'The fault is my own'. Can one let that be one's fault? I mean, I got nothing to say if one fills the emptiness with material things. But I get that too. Of course I do. Everyone sees everyone around doing it. Everyone then does it themselves. It becomes all but natural. Either one is 'in the know' from the start how to pamper oneself, or one sees others doing it and is able to follow. Okay, what an ineloquent way of putting it. But this is just what can be seen all around. Not many 'simpletons' left. Most of all not among youngsters. I mean, they don't even have much of a conscience with money. Money is for the purpose of attaining, I don't know, glam? Is that it. It's like, don't be left behind, one has to tell oneself. Know everything you can about the latest technological gadgets. Why? Did you invent them? What's there to be proud of? Hah. I am being critical. It would seem like a personal insult if I were to say it to any person, but really, it's not. Ah well, forget it. Take it as it's me just trying to be funny. Lolx.
By nature, I dun suppose I am truly critical. Man, I am nice hor. Haha. People would know, you think. But that doesn't sound as interesting and it's not like anything much can be said about it, so that's that. You should also know how people don't just look for 'niceness' nowadays, right? Haha. Yet, it is always pretty complicated. I want to be a little more than that. So please know that I am a little more than that. If you do know me, you would sense at least a little.
Just 'niceness'. There's a kind of emptiness in that too. Lots of songs are about filling of one's emptiness. And often, it has to be forced. Because life is not a jolly holidayland. You don't know what's gonna happen. You can't really plan for things to go well. You just push along hard as you can. In filling the emptiness too. Time can be a factor even. One period of time can be pure joy, another - just dead. Dead to the world. Lolx. How to push on otherwise? You bluff other people, and bluff yourself at the same time. Don't see things too clearly. If it's not worth it.
Watch Martin Scorsese's 'The Age of Innocence'. Or read the book! Oh yes, shit. I haven't had the time to read it even when it's sem break now. Have had to spend my time on moving house and getting extra furnishings. Dang. Oh yes, watch it or read it and you will know how it is such that 'niceness' alone has a kind of emptiness about it.
Am I just simply nice? Oh, no man. Am I simply quiet? Oh, no man. I'll be working this out. Always figuring out what it takes to live my life. That's all. Yet, why does it get lamer than that sometimes? Not even as meaningful. I'll be living my life alright. I'll be doing whatever new things each day. Haha now that sounds lame too, ah well nvm. I dun know much about going all out to grab opportunities now. Do I seem like that kind of outgoing rah rah type? Haha ok generalization again. I would like to think I have my own ideas about fun and confidence and whatever. Okay, it's just that I shouldn't be impatient. Listen to director's Q&A then wonder when will be my turn. Lol. When will I be exposed to that? Now, that is quite a real question. I gotta try to seek it out. Whatever worthwhile thing to do. Whatever good environment. Hmm, good environment. Once again, one will never know at first what one gets oneself into. Haha okay, enough with the contradictions already. Oh hey, you know what? Postmodern writing. Lol!
I know I must not be impatient. Yes it's true lor. My bro has mentioned sth about me wanting to fly before learning how to crawl. Haha. I am aware of that. But doesn't creativity come randomly? Yah well. But of course there are ways in which one trains oneself too. For example, cartoonists learn how to draw better and better with practice, the generating of ideas is another thing. I blog in a completely disorderly manner, but overtime I guess I will get the hang of it.
I keep in mind a line from a book of Nietzche, and it goes something like this. Oh wait, I can quote it exactly. I have it in a word document. Hah. Passion will not wait. The tragedy in the lives of great men often lies not in their conflict with the times and the baseness of their fellowmen, but rather in their inability to postpone their work for a year or two.
Oh man. I know he's saying that to me. Lol.
I have gone over my intended time by 1 and a 1/2 hours! Damn. But this is a bloody long post, is it not. Haha. Going to go to bed now. I need to learn patience. To not freak out like the typical me whenever I get swarmed by whatever seems mundane to me in this modern life. But freaking out IS ME. Haha again trying to be funny la. This time, funny as in strange and 'special'. I'll go with it. Let the good times roll. Switchfoot's song, 'Gone', I always have in mind too. Good or bad. It's all in a day. Whatever will be will be. I can't say. Just try to have a bit more control so it doesn't feel as crazy. By that, I mean I try to feel more rooted in my sense of self. And be happy.
Yeah. I'm naturally inquisitive? Don't know. I was as a kid. Kids are like so. Passion dies down inside as one grows up? Feeling the need to hide? Therefore, the 'fire' also cannot sustain inside? No leh. Shouldn't be the way leh. At some points in time, I let all that come back in tiny ways. Show myself to be a bit more naturally excited if there's an occasion. Should do that without becoming desperate to let it all out too quickly. Must be steady mah. Have a hold on one's sense of self worth. If it's the wrong occasion and just not worth it, dun unleash all the passion like nobody's business you know. Hah. Desperateness is bad. It's something one has to deal with. It is kind of all around sometimes. Lol. I have thought of how people who have made a worthwhile career for themselves, and are good at carrying it off, handling themselves and others, seem impressive. That's something I see in the Q&A sessions with some of those directors. Been to one in Singapore too. I was equally 'ji dong' / exhilarated then. Haha.
Gotta go! Bye now.
The feature film is called 'Forbidden Lie$'. It's good.

2008-06-22T18:45:00.003+08:00

I'm sorrie if I haven't kept in touch with some of you for certain periods of time! I think I wun be spending too much time on blogging either. It's just that there are things I need to get out there to do, and blogging alone won't make up for the experience itself. Sometimes I just need to do what's to be done, and in between, I will have to blog to trash it out! :P

I am in the process of adapting! Contemplating about what it takes to get along in this world, in this present society. Quite a few requirements there. I am to grow. If I should be changing, I guess that's that! Sometimes, I will just need a venue for expression (an attempt to do so anyway). I will need just a listening ear. Advice that is thrown in at intervals may just confuse me. Only if you see that my train of thought is truly going the wrong way, remind me gently then! Lol.

My intention in this period of time is to embrace whatever, as long as it doesn't seem like a bad idea to me. Haha~ I wish to end this blogpost in a while, so I'll leave it as that. Basic things should still remain, I think? See what I can get done in this period of time to aid me in my advance. Advance towards what? Seeing what can be done in the film scene in Singapore? I dunno lar! But it's just there, you know. This sense of familiarity I have with regards to some scenes in Singapore. Who knows! Where's the place of belonging. Don't ask me now! I'm signing off. See y'all!

2008-06-21T10:47:00.003+08:00

I have just been finding it too unnatural, or in the same regards, I have just been excessively LAZY to accept that it's time to learn about a life different from the one I had before. I had it easy back when I was in Millennia. And that is actually rare, and quite a bit of luck. It is not always meant to be easy. I must get my fighting spirit back again. Or rather, simply the basic sense of what constitutes myself. I know there are times when I can't insist on being myself. Boy, I am not even sure of who am I. So how could I insist? Well, this is a time of confusion, yes. Time to put that aside though. Need to simplify it all sometimes. Only in terms of creative imaginings then should I let it flow with less of a rein. It's like this song says, "It just takes some time / Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride / Everything, everything will be just fine"~ Well okay! Only after some time, then I will be sure about some things! Read somewhere before that the silly man, after hundreds of years, will also become a wise man. Something like that! I suppose I could just wait! I suppose I could just be brave! Ohoh, I see it. I guess it is because my environment and circumstances have changed, but I haven't yet. That is why it is difficult for me to accept. Everything will run its course, and I will just need to be bold as well as a little wary.

Oh, I went to scroll down some old blog entries, and I wanna add this: Occasionally, I'll be proud of myself too!

Now I'm gonna go fix lunch. Yes, it's just like a bothersome problem I have to fix. Oooooh, I will FIX YOU! >.< Lolz. Gotta go about moving house now! Going to a suburb tomorrow morning for an exhibition. My dad's colleague's friend will take me. Haha. Heard the suburb is pretty. Sounds nice! Nothing left to say, ciao then!

2008-06-13T22:20:00.001+08:00

Check out this weird new word I've learnt!

"Scatology
1.the study of or preoccupation with excrement or obscenity."

2008-06-10T17:51:00.003+08:00

Goo Goo Dolls' song, entitled 'Black Balloon' just came to mind suddenly! Hmm... A black balloon. Is a nice metaphor. I read online that the song lyrics are really about a girl who got into trouble with drugs, and this guy sings about helping her? The song's not bad! Black balloon is with reference to heroin... I didn't know that. Anyway, I was just thinking a black balloon sure is interesting.

2008-06-10T13:34:00.002+08:00

This is so cool! I got a comment on my previous blogpost! Woooooooo~ Hahaha. Why are you anonymous though? Its kinda exciting...=P I probably should stop being so freaking thrilled over the one comment. Nice to receive it when I didn't expect it though. Heheh.

Alrighty. I have a journal to hand in this friday. Will have to do it in a while. Hmm, what had I intended to write about now? This may not be about anything substantial? I've been unsure of myself these days, yet I should just train myself to get my thoughts down no matter how superfluous they may seem, and then make more sense out of it all later. :P

I take back what I said about not being a daytime/morning person. Because I really am! I am most active past midnight all the way until 6am in the morning sometimes. During this time, another day has started, isn't it? So yes, I work extremely well in the wee hours of the day. (-.-")

This is going to sound stew-pid, but I dislike having to shop for groceries, and I feel kinda blur and lost even whenever I go for grocery shopping. Yes, it's lame. But it's like a chore, and I have to do it repetitively, which is annoying. Okay, forget about reading the rest of this post! Really. It's almost embarrassing to have anyone else read the rest of this. I'll just continue with this word vomit, and anyone who's reading this can stop right here, much obliged.

The little things that are bugging me.
I shouldn't be wasting time wondering why I feel so unwilling to go for grocery shopping.
It's required for an international student, so how can I even be lazy about it.
It's for my survival. And maybe that is the issue. I am eating just for survival?
What a kill joy. XD
Yeah, I've had occasions when I hurriedly ate just to fill my stomach.
Then I have had to rush to school or quickly get back to finishing my work.
Oooh, I shouldn't whine on and on about this.
Let me just get it over and done with.
Let me just say outright that this is not such a nice change, meals are less of a joy.
I don't care much for the huge variety in the supermarkets.
I'm not much into cooking, and haven't been aiming to whip up fabulous meals for myself.
Wanna keep it quick, cheap and hence meals remain pretty much simple.
I miss having my dad cook a meal for me.
Haha you're gonna say that I am a spoilt brat.
I am, indeed.
But it just is nice to have a meal which someone else has made for me.
Father's Day is coming, and my dad will be here in Melb!
Fantastic yeah... I think I'll make a meal for him! Yeshhh
So yeah man, let's face it! My meals currently suck!
Mealtimes are just something I squeeze in between the time I have to get to school or get my work done!
I miss having meals cooked by my dad, and I miss the foodcourts in SG beri beri much too.
Eating out in Singapore is a lot more pleasurable. Hehe.
I never cared about going to particular restaurants each weekend to have the best lobster or anything, but I liked being able to eat good food at every mealtime.
I just had to walk into a foodcourt, pay a couple of dollars, and I'd have a nice meal to gobble down and be done with. Ahaha.
And now?? Don't exactly have like one plate of delicious hokkien mee, or a bowl of yummy yet healthy yong tau hu noodles...
Haha yeah, that reminds me.
On going back home, I'll be picking my own yong tau hu with those pincers again! Hahaha
Now if I want to save money, I'll go for rice/noodles and side dishes... Like what we call 'chai fan' in SG... But now I realize it ain't even the same! The food here don't give the feeling of being home cooked... Heheheh. Then it's just packed into this compact plastic container, and it costs about AU$6 or $7... Yeah, same as in it's 'ta bao' to be taken home. But I really mean it when I say that the food doesn't give the feeling of being home cooked. Well duh. It's not Singaporean style food! The choice is just between fried rice or fried noodles. The dishes are just staples. Whereas in Singapore, there's like kang kong or whatever. Lol.
I can't believe it. How Singaporean I have all been all this while. I am Singaporean at heart. I'm going to burst into tears and sorrowfully sing our national anthem now. Hahaha what the??? I cannot believe it.
Am I realizing now that Singapore has an identity?? What with our MRT and whatsoever... It amazes me! I'm realizing now, on coming away from my country that there are things to be found in S'pore which cannot be found anywhere else!
It's entirely amazing I can start noticing these things which I have taken for granted before. Is there any use to this?? Am I going to set out to capture these things which are unique to us? I'm acting noble and all that again. xP
I have felt so tired of being in Singapore, with reasons.
All these feelings of push and pull. They'll always remain!
It's hard to want more, and then also want less.
Haha.
As I set out to lead a more 'exciting' life, I see that the basic things need to be there too.
Basic needs and all... Not making any reference to groceries. Bleahx.
This post didn't turn out to be so useless after all.
I recognize some of the things I've been missing.
It's astounding.
You have the right to ask me, "Then what the hell do you want??"
"You have chosen to be in Melbourne right here, right now. "
And I have.
All that I've known in Singapore, is only relevant in Singapore.
In fact, I ain't even so much a part of Singapore.
I absorb what seems to be the norm, but it's hard to know what to put out to define myself.
I have to know!
If all that I've known in Singapore is only relevant in Singapore, what constitutes me now??
I thought that there would be a sharing of cultures and all over here, but it now seems that it's necessary to just appear like a hip, chill out person who knows how to handle life and enjoy it. But of course. Who doesn't find such a person agreeable?
Culture here is different? You bet. But I guess this could be really interesting.
Oh yeah, baby.
It is also my priority that I 'enjoy life'. I totally agree with that. But I shall have to put it a little differently however. It is my priority that I first acknowledge that life sucks, and then I try to undermine that knowledge and 'live it up' the way I want to. Ahaha~
Can anybody be happy all the time? I'm not trying to preach that a negative outlook is better. Nonono. But even at those points in time when I feel sian, I can try to tell myself that's the way it is, and then try to feel better about it. And I might honestly mean it more than someone else who always tries too hard to be happy all the time. As in, I really mean to make myself feel better.
I just bought myself a pair of headphones off eBay. I felt like I was entitled to it. Hahah!
First time I've done online shopping... I'm not a spendthrift! I got it for about 25 SG dollars. And I intend to use it alright. As long as they work well for me. That's what I hope. ^^ I never liked wearing earphones. They hurt my ears... User reviews say that the headphones I got makes the music sound better! Thus I bought them! And, headphones are simply... Cool. ;) I especially like the ones which have a band that goes not over the top of one's head, but across the back of one's head.
I'm not a girl-girl. I'm half girl and half guy (at heart). Ewwwww. Yesyes, all you men, just run as far away from me as you can. Lolx!
But hey, I have a good eye for pretty clothes. I'll need to fill my wardrobe for Uni too!!! Lets say for now, that I want it to be casual or more accurately, comfortable. Comfortable and somewhat interesting. I'll go for a style like that. Not going to be all pretty dresses. Maybe only occasionally in summer. If I can't look pretty in a different way, I don't even care to try! ;P Flat shoes for me. I love sneakers by the way. So happening! I seem to like the grittiness of cobbled streets. I like the street style of sneakers. Sneaker designs are an art, aren't they? =) I don't know... Will I be dressed in cardigans for winter? Can't say for now! Dun wanna feel all bundled up, that is!
Ok, this has been pretty entertaining. Writing this blogpost, that is. I have no more time left. Screw it, I gotta get back to getting my journal done. And make myself yet another pretty sucky dinner. Today I got microwaveable lasagne and spring rolls that can be oven baked, these 2 choices. I do try to eat healthily! I buy unprocessed meat when I have more time to cook.
I have to force myself to take the time I have into consideration, if I want to do all the many things such as allowing myself the luxury of writing this blogpost.
Oh wait, 'screw it' means 'to hell with it'? I seem to not mind using this phrase. But it is used in what context? Hmmmz
Goodbye now! Lolz
I will change the look of my blog soon as I got the time.

2008-06-09T16:00:00.001+08:00

Random quote I came up with - "Change is the only constant." Hmmms

2008-06-09T00:37:00.002+08:00

I feel so sian in the day now, and only past midnight I am totally energetic! I have become a night prowler now... Hahaha

My 'body clock' has changed, I am sure! Haix, this is not healthy... But I don't feel so listless at night! I have such a peaceful time in the wee hours. I get my work done at night. I waste my day away on the other hand! There is zero activity going on in the day, especially on weekends... Nobody so much as passes by my room window then (I live on the ground floor). So different from Singapore! Aussies party on Friday and Saturday nights... I'd prefer to be out in the day here in Melb though! It's not hot like in Singapore, so daytime walking in Melbourne is good!

Not like I'd do any daytime walking anytime soon... Gonna get that kind of relaxation sometime! When my chin gu justina comes to visit me, that is. ^_^ It's close to 3am now. I am so dotty and naughty... Messing up my time like that. =/ Yeah well. I dun think I'll like to be a morning person tmr. Semester is over, and what I gotta do is stay home and work. Got assignments to be handed in still! Shall wake up late tmr. Will make use of the time now to check out a Youtube video on Borat, because I want to do a short analysis of him for my assignment!

It's kinda crazy, what time will I go to bed! I go to bed like in the morning... >_< Still, it's better than -waking- so early in the morning, ahaha

2008-06-08T23:01:00.001+08:00

I don't know of any drink more horrible than hot coffee which has gone cold!

2008-06-06T10:49:00.002+08:00

I nailed it! Haha I nailed my oral presentation today. I made some pretty good observations about the movie, and they were of my own imagination. ^-^ I was in a group for this, but we allocated the points among ourselves and thus I could think of the elaboration of my own points.. Of course I nailed it. Lol. Oral presentations and movies are my thing. Hah~

I -know- I can read movies. It feels like it comes naturally to me. It almost feels like it just takes simple common sense as long as you are interested enough to think or just look a little harder? The director may be out to fool his audience. I'm not letting anyone fool me. Ahaha.. And that's why I really love to dig for every trick a director may have planned for in his shots. Maybe not always. I know I want to just sit back and enjoy a movie too.

It's a big thing for me that I should feel naturally interested in movies, visuals. This kind of feeling you may have had to force yourself to develop many a time. Like when I was taking the 'A' levels lar.. Haha. It's forced to have to try to fill one's life with meaning, make it interesting or whatever, but when there's just an interesting visual before my eyes, it does the job. It just takes me with it, and I have to make no effort at all at those points in time. Does it not sound entirely magical if I tell you that when I watch a movie in a cinema, it feels like the world can consist of just the space of the cinema and nothing else? Is it only me who imagines this? Haha. Well, is it not great that for those few hours, you have no external distractions on your mind? As I love theme park rides so much as well, I think of the cinema space as one for a park ride as well, and the screen would start showing stuff in 3D and the seats would start moving and all that. :P One thing I'm quite sure is, I wanna work at universal studios if it opens at the SG Integrated Resort! Oh gawd.. I've been so out of touch with Singapore. Lolz. Anyway, I so love the idea of Universal Studios or Disneyland and etc having a world of its own created. That is so awesome.

Do I go for fantasy over reality too often? Well everybody needs to have a sweet escape once in a while. All I want is to prove (to myself?) I can make good of it man. I see the value of this. I mean, what have you done at the end of your time? XD You gotta try to do something. I wish to come up with cool ideas to let an audience escape to a world of thrills and spills better than any other they've come across before.

It's gonna be hard. It takes more than just talk. But actually, no. It also takes a lot of talking perhaps. >_< Gotta learn to work with people. I am not always good at that. Well, that's that. I am wherever I am. Welcome to wherever you are. Gotta be learning sometime. It's just utterly confusing what I should be learning. Argh, I came to post this, thinking I'll be able to get down everything I wanna say, but I'm feeling too sleepy now! Sleeping at 2am and sometimes later, over here these days. It would have been only 12 midnight if I were to be in SG! Haha.. That may be it.. I would rarely have been in bed before 12 midnight in SG. But then, now the school work I have to handle is quite different too! My time and effort goes into that now. ^^

I wanted to talk it out why it is so stressful to be thrown among a huge group of uni students just like this! Haha.. Can you imagine the difference? Between being among a huge group of uni students and being in good ol' Millennia which is so unpopulated? Hahah.. Looking on the bright side, I'll say that Millennia felt like a private school, and I should think of myself as a filthy rich student among the few privileged who have been able to afford to study on the quiet little hill on which good ol' Millennia was situated... Hahaha =p

I am too sleepy to continue this entry! I have a really cool music video to share too.. And as usual, songs and stuff. I don't know how I have stayed kinda depressed (due to wondering about outlook of full 3 to 4 years here in Melbourne. Btw I have not talked about Melbourne at all, have I. Lolz what's with me!), and repressed and whatsoever. Ahaha. But consider this. I am 21 years old. It IS a problematic time in life. XP People all around show me how they 'live it up'. But I don't care about 'living it up'. I am just living my life. That's all there is to it, hey??? You don't go pretending life is something it's not. In the time to come, I hope to hang on to whatever I tell myself, whatever I do know inside of me. It's never easy. But more and more now, I also want to say, "F*CK IT!!! Whatever doesn't help the situation, get out of my face" or something. Lolx. People here say 'fuck', A LOT.

I don't know man. I know I might not ever be the most bold in speaking out. Other people really push it to get themselves heard. Whether it's worthwhile to hear or not. I have my own defiance. I need to hold on and be steady. Lots of partying here, and throwing of oneself away. When I have to do that, I feel like I got nothing to hang on to. That is a ridiculous thing to be constantly chasing after. How long can one last? I only go after that kind of thrill in actual activities. Maybe I should pick up a sport. Gawd, I want more time!!! I can't just be struggling with my school work always! That sucks big time.

Give me something I'll like to do, give me the ability to forget about useless unhappy thoughts, give me the ability to give time to thinking about the things I myself want to get done instead of thinking about some other people and the talk they make which kills the engine in my brain. Am I to have two brains? Each for a completely different purpose? I can't go on just asking myself these random general questions, can I? I have to be somewhat absorbent and analytical. Ha. Let it in, let it out.

This will not solve things perhaps. There will come a time to progress beyond this and just move along. ?_? I don't know man, I know it'll bug me again. But the time will come when it comes.

What does it take to be 21?? I'm now thinking of the movie, "21"! Jim Sturgess is a hot favourite of mine right now. ^o^ Know what was the review I gave for the movie? 'Good way of gaining access to the high life, show me the ropes!' Haha. Winner, winner, chicken dinner? Liar, liar, pants on fire, I say. ;)

Movie was stylish. Theme song 'Time To Pretend' made me rock with it, and want to bawl my eyes out at the same time !

2008-06-05T17:15:00.005+08:00

IT'S TIME. It's time to start blogging again. It's about time I get back to talking abt weird stuff (for a more favourable word, unusual) and not to mention, just talking... to myself. Just how weird is that? ;P

I can't stand wishing for things to go perfectly smooth and all anymore! Gone are the days of childhood innocence. Happiness was so much simpler then. Can it still be as simple now?

I have always been pretty philosophical when I do some thinking. That's how I like it to be! It can be interesting. I just don't want it to bear my soul down now... Ahaha XP

This is a turning point in my life. Get ready to be entertained by all my following blog entries. Woohoo

2008-03-05T18:43:00.016+08:00

Oh dear, I feel a bit sorry that I foresee that I have little or no time to blog for a while now. Blogging meant so much to me in Singapore! Was it because I lacked things to do in that tiny, tiny country? Haha. But who knows? Maybe I'll lack things to do in Melbourne too after I've gotten all around the city. But that does not seem that likely! Melbourne is a wonderful place. But you know what, I still get my share of ups and downs. But of course. I was going to say I had such a bad day yesterday, but I had a good day today. The education is pretty much turning me on. Hahah ;P I'm really getting into it... Some people have been intimidating, and I have been made to feel bad. And I got a tendency to really go overboard when I feel bad, like all the blame is on myself. I'll think 'Why am I like this, why am I like that' and blah blah. But that's definitely out of point. It isn't just about me. Not only should one not be thinking of oneself always, one shouldn't put be so critical of oneself when things go wrong (it may not even be wrong, it could be in our heads. well I've just learnt overtime, even before coming to melbourne, that it's better to move on~ if one needs to reflect, go ahead. and then, go and do what you need to do) and feel crappy all day long. Things are always bigger than just ourselves.

And today, I'm fine, you know. I went for a Unilodge (my accomodation. they have units all over melbourne) BBQ. They eat tons of hotdogs, sandwiches here. I didn't think of going at first, but I met a course mate who said she would be going, and so I went after class too. I didn't get to talk to her at the BBQ though, but we already talked in class.

Class was nice. I'll say a little something here. Well, the class was about writing media texts, and there were exercises such as one that required us to write a paragraph about fear. Just anything about fear! That was the coolest. I love it that I'm being asked to write the stuff, and not forced to read piles of information. Oh, but I do have many readings to do. But I am soaking them up alright! The cinema studies reading was about the form of movies, and hey, I wouldn't mind knowing all that! So I really soak it up. =) But at night, when it gets really quiet, I can either concentrate very well or either get distracted by the starking stillness of my surroundings. It can work either way. If I get distracted by the stark stillness of my surroundings, I may want to turn on my laptop and watch something fun. Hehe =P

The people who were beside me while we wrote about fear and all made a good difference too. We were asked to turn to the people beside us, and read out what we wrote, share ideas and all that. And I had nice people sitting beside me. It was nice to hear people talk about themselves wanting to make movies too, and also having made movies of their own with friends. I get glimpses of how there are talented, intelligent people around in RMIT or in melbourne, and that is really great.

Okay, I did not really mean it when I said that I didn't have time to blog, did I? Buahaha.

Well you know what. Last paragraph here. About the Unilodge BBQ. Luckily I asked this Malaysian guy who was sitting at the gathering place if I was there for the right event. Then we started talking. I thought he looked kinda cute. Hehehehe. Such a frivolous comment. And no, I don't go for the typical hunky, shiny kind of guy. This one was wearing specs, and he looked good enough to me. Well, he was just looking right at me all the time while we were talking, and that's the way it should be. I think this should be considered a lucky thing, because I don't know if I would be able to go and sit with just any group on getting there, and just talk. It's not so cool to join a group who has been talking some time. I'm less effective in getting to know people if they are already in cliques.

Well, but after that malaysian guy, I still got to join 2 other groups. Couldn't see where he went so with my hotdog, I just sat somewhere and there you go, I was part of a group. Talked mainly to 2 more girls then. Melbourne people can be friendly. Yet you could meet extra cold ones on other occasions. And finally, I found myself in another bigger group, and we talked a bit of crap here and there. Yet, though it was crap, I thought it was just good enough that some of the people looked at me and really talked to me, and with a bit of sincerity like that, I don't mind that kind of interation at all. =]

Yet, you can count on it that there'll be that kind of people here who look perfect to the extent that one wonders what is underneath that pretty porcelain shell. Yeah, some of their faces do look like that. The chinese pretty much like to remain a bit more fair, a number of the western girls have attained a very much perfect tan. Oh, I think I have said that the chinese looking people here have been westernized too? Well, that's faultless. But you can imagine how their accents sound like. *cold shivers* I stick to my own, with the singlish censored. I've said about a million 'yeahs' in the past 3 weeks. But I stick to my own style of humour. ^^ I think I can succeed in being funny pretty often... Good thing my english is of a higher standard. *phew* Though it can be insincere that people give value to things with a common 'cool', 'nice' and so on, the part I like is that at least the conversations go fast. Keeps the mind going. But it really should remain important that people slow down to get a bit more value out of things than that.

Well, the BBQ ended with something random. Like, because those ppl know I was doing cinema studies, they asked me as we were going to part when I was going to make a film. I said in a few years' time. And they said to keep them informed, because they would be excited to act in a film and all that. And I was like, yeah I'd advertize widely so you could come for auditions, and all that. And then we parted. With 'see ya's and smiles.

You know, I never had that kind of experience whereby one may or may never see the other party again, yet people could all come together for that night. I guess that's part of the appeal of parties. There are many parties in Melbourne. And even if I said it would be years before my making a film, I think that in my course I'd be getting to do that in the period of my studies itself! So yeah, maybe it will really happen that I can bump into those people at some other Unilodge BBQ again, and ask them to form part of the cast? Those people were from all over the world as well. Another thing that's really different about tonight's experience. Melbourne really does have people from all over the world.

But I still do think, that I need more than just BBQs or parties. I need to find some friends while studying. While sharing our ideas and work. That would be really, really nice. And then the partying can come after. ;) After I get some good friends. Well, moving along... We'll see.

Bye for now!

2008-02-27T17:30:00.001+08:00

Fact: Goldfish grow bigger if they are placed in bigger fishbowls. =)

I was watching Tim Burton's 'Big Fish' btw. Haha~

2008-02-25T19:06:00.008+08:00

I just felt like sharing this amazing picture!

Okay, wait. I'm back to include more in this post. This is such a waste. My friend in Adelaide (yes, you get an honourable mention again, Just ;)) also said on her own blog that Australia's internet system limit our download/upload space, and here I have wasted some of that by posting up any one picture without making an important point at all. Well.

I start going for classes next week! I didn't confirm it till I sat down to read my student emails just now. I knew it was going to be quite soon, but I didn't think it was this soon! But maybe this week will still pass slowly... My papa fly back to Singapore already... =( But you know something else? My email also mentions that students are to get a dossier from the school bookshop, and read it before going for the very first lecture. Yes, that's the word that was used, dossier. It's a new word to me altogether! =X It just means it's a reading. I got reading to do even before the first lesson! WOW.

Let me share with you what I'd be doing!

A Bachelor of Communication (Media). That's my program.

I'd be doing the major of Cinema Studies! I chose that over 3 others. Asian Media and Culture. Communication, Business and Politics. Literature and Philosophy. Still, I'm pretty sure I'd do an elective out of Literature and Philosophy! Talked to a girl from China who is going to do the Asian Media major, and she told me she wants to become a Program Director in Korea because she can get closer to a pop group she likes. They always use the term 'PD' in Korean variety shows and well, I know coz I watch them too. Hehe. She might seem to be a crazy fan and all, but she told me all that in a calm manner, like she means it. Interesting. I've read that the media in Korea gives its people freedom, which gives them their success with regards to their music, movies and dramas. This sounds somewhat attractive! But I simply like the language too. It's cute! As is Japanese language. Yet my watching of korean dramas has gotten me more hung up on the korean language, and I wonder how I can learn it... No sight of how I can learn it in school so far.

Alrighty! I'd be going off soon. Taking these four courses in the first half of this year i.e. the first semester:

Reading Media Texts
Editing Media Texts
Writing Media Texts
Intro to Cinema Studies

May look somewhat boring. First three are compulsory, only choice so far is my major. But it's still pretty exciting to be studying this! It already comes the closest to what interests me! As compared with A levels and all... Yeah

Okay, I'm going! Oh, I hate it that my pool of internet usage is drying up, byte by byte. *dies*

3GB is definitely not enough to sustain life.

2008-02-23T20:27:00.003+08:00

Dear all,

I have finally gotten my internet connection over here in Melbourne!!!!! That also means I have gotten part of my LIFE back too!!! Lol~ I never realized it was this important to me. It just gets me up and kicking. :P The things I do on the net really mean something to me okay.. I need my movies, drama and music so bad sia.. The net provides me with those, as well as lots of laughs and inspiring moments and everything! I have felt kinda dead to the world w/o the internet also, feel like I have no friends like that.. Without the internet, I haven't been talking to a friend for ages! I miss many people!

Melbourne is pretty awesome, with nice parks along with the cool urban stuff. But once again, there'll always be pros and cons, and ups and downs for me. I get somewhat stressed out on some occasions, talking with the white people or the Aussies. Not only them in fact, the chinese looking people here have become like the white people anyway, in terms of accent and behaviour. I can only say it has not been all natural the past week or so, trying to have a conversation the way the people here do. Doesn't feel natural for me, that is. I kinda feel like I have the norm imposed on me, but actually no. The word 'imposed' is too negative. Because I have a need to adapt quickly right? Yeah, that's why I feel like the ways of the majority here is gonna overrule the maintaining of individuality for now. It's only when I know this place better, and I know who my friends are, that I can get stable ground again? I guess I felt forced to chat up with people the way they do in the first week since arriving. But it's less of a big deal now. Much lesser. The pressure may go up again when I formally start classes though.

The enrolment procedures were a bit stressful, and a bore. Did it on my own. Quite proud of that fact ^-^People in Melbourne are known to be friendly. Yeah, mostly they are. But there was this unpleasant phone call whereby this rmit admin person just went "you didn't listen properly at the talk". Yeah right. Like that helps to achieve anything.. So because I was in the school library anyway, I decided I could get help from anyone else besides her, so I didn't bother to talk to her long. Ended the call quickly, then just used my common sense to the max, and did the online enrolment procedures on my own lor! *triumphant grin* Independence is seen as good, but sometimes it's because a person feels that relying on some other person for help is just a no-no. Yet when other people were being mean, I sometimes show more cowardice somemore. Appear apologetic and all. No!! I should be even fiercer if other people are being unreasonably mean. Hehe. Well, I just know I always have more to learn.

Ending this post here. How are you, my friends?? I hope we talk soon?

2008-02-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

Justina, my tomodachi~!

I'm pretty sure you'll read this! =) I'll dedicate this post to my dear friend... Be safe, and also be good in Adelaide k! Lolz.. In other words really, just take care of yourself lar.. Keke.. Work hard, play hard, never give up. It all rhymes..^^ Don't say die arh. We all will still be with you, via chat! Yes yes! Chat chat chat. Chat into the night we shall. See ya! :D

2008-02-01T00:24:00.000+08:00

---*-*--Switchfoot in Singapore--*-*---

I have returned from Switchfoot's concert! Am sleepy now.. Haha.. But that does not mean that I had a boring time at the concert! Nono, not at all.. It was a pretty awesome concert! But it might have made a difference if I were in the standing area with some friends, and jumping around and all.. There was so much space! Yeah, the turn-out at the concert is not great at all..

Yet, I'm glad to have gotten the $70 ticket, instead of the $90 (for the standing area)! Can sit also not bad lar.. I'm fine to have gone to the concert on my own.. Getting to sit down made it comfortable for me.. But I was also thinking, "It doesn't really make sense to be sitting while the music was rocking the place!" But Singaporeans are shy lar.. A number remained seated also.. So I satisfied myself with bobbing my head to the music, clapping and all.. And singing along too!

This is my first time having gone to a rock concert! The sound system does make a difference! You feel the beat inside you.. Made me feel kinda alive! But the novelty of it wore off :P

I was not so high during some songs, but during others, my love for Switchfoot's music came to me alright! I don't always care for the most popular songs of theirs, such as 'stars'. It has like the highest rocking power, but that doesn't necessarily get me to like it.. Oh, they played the song 'This Is Your Life'! *happie* Let me name the memorable songs for me.. Awakening, Meant To Live, Dare You To Move, Only Hope. Hmm yeah. Quite a number of heavy rock numbers. The slower ones did not really connect with me.. Why? That's weird, coz I like ballads just as much. Well, beats me.. But one thing I know is, the song I liked most for the night, is the unexpected song, called 'Twenty Four'. It moved me! As in, made me feel touched.. Thank you for choosing to play it, Switchfoot! This one is a slow song, and it sounded like the best song tonight.

The photos below are the best my camera could capture! Because there was too little light. Only got 2 that can pass! Strictly speaking, 1 only. -_-" I didn't even get a straight shot of all of them on stage, because that one was taken when they were already going off stage.. But that photo is still clear enough, because of course there would be light when they were going off.. *smacks forehead* I couldn't see their faces though I was in the first row of the sitting area!

And I just happened to buy the toy hippo (pictures are below ^.^;) today, at a discounted price. I have so many toys already, but I decided that this hippo has a special quality and since it was so cheap, I bought it right away! Its special quality is its HUGE butt. I quickly came up with the most apt name for it. My hippo is named... Big Butt !

"I know you wanna touch my butt! I know it!"

2008-01-28T23:07:00.000+08:00

I was having a mind-numbing day again, just being stuck at home. No, I wasn't alone, but with my dad at home. Still, I was acting like a listless nutcase, however I made it a point not to intimidate anyone else. Then I did what I've learnt to do these days - and that is to find something to do. When the bored-to-the-extent-of-questioning-what-the-hell-am-I-doing-with-my-life syndrome strikes. I find something to do to make myself happy.

So I watched the movie "Pleasantville".

And that has reigned me back in from an abyss of wild and unpleasant thoughts mainly of my own creation.

I'm absorbing a lot these days. At the time the mind awakens, one never stops learning. But there could be a lot of difference between what each person chooses to learn. Yet that is another matter altogether. So yeah.. New happenings day after day.. Some pleasant discoveries, some unpleasant. One needs to learn to let go. A lot of disappointments, and one cannot afford to entertain them all. The first song that struck this thought into my head is Swithfoot's song, 'Daisy'. It can help to make things easier sometimes.

One also learns to talk more. I'll certainly be more receptive of that if that can translated to mean more self expression.. Because self expression is not a bad thing.. But let's keep it as 'one needs to learn to talk more'. One definitely needs to be more vocal these days, or have one's voice drowned out in the sea of voices struggling to be heard. It's okay to try to get yourself heard. But it's not okay to get your voice heard over another.

So okay, I think, fine then. Following others' examples, one tries to be less shy, more confident, talk more. Why not talk more if it gets people to feel comfortable and happier for the moment? Learn to be funnier. That will make one more of a character. Why not? Jokes can make a person's day. Leaves a good impression.

This point about 'more talk' can be related to the point about letting things go. Perhaps we could use the term 'touch-and-go'. These terms sound... Social. So is it such that one may socialize, but is it a one in a million chance that we get to find somebody to fill in the emptiness? I hold the view.. That we are this-and-that throughout our lives, and yeah, we live with it. But if someone important comes along, that person will be what we have never gotten to be. I know, this is tough to get. Well, the person will be unexpected! That's why you'll love the person! O.K.?? Hahaha.. To put this in perspective again, it's like what they say, i.e. opposites attract. But I don't really believe that. I think it sounds warmer to use the word 'complement'. But I can also argue that a person with a character quite opposite of yourself can complete you... Heheheh
Because like I said, the important someone who comes along could be what one has never gotten to be..

And! I have yet another hypothesis with regards to that too! Just formed it. Take it that your other half is what you've never gotten to be, right? Why is that? If I should see it in terms of a drama unfolding now (lol!), let's say this guy is a total star among all who know him (but apparently, they know him and yet don't know him). Good looking, makes friends quickly, and is just so at ease with all that he does. And one starts to wonder "what, is life so easy for him? or is he just strong enough to deal with it?" And then on set, we'll have a klutzy girl who's struggling to fit in. She'll be in disbelief, and think "how does he do it?"

Then they'll bump into each other somehow (possibly a head-on collision because the girl has to have her cute moments. I can definitely think of a parody of this one. When someone falls, that person is not supposed to look pretty. So yah, tell me how this girl can take a fall and subsequently appear to be cute so successfully? Tell me. XP). Okay that's too long a sentence. Backtrack! - They'll bump into each other somehow, and the guy will think "this girl doesn't seem to have any defenses. the feeling is so natural", and that's what the guy never got to be, because although he appears to do everything with ease, he's guarded. Doesn't reveal anything real.

Don't think revealing one's real feelings is easy either arh.. Cannot push it sometimes.. Revealing one's feelings is tiring! Need to find the words to express, and that would take up too much time.. Thinking also takes time.. So don't think! =X

So this guy appears to breeze through everything, because he doesn't take time to reveal any personal feelings. And the girl? Such a predictable teenage drama. She'll find out that the guy has experienced much to have come to prefer to keep his feelings stored aside, so while there's his ability to mix with other people that she never got to achieve yet, there's now more about him for her to appreciate. So there'll be a boy-meets-girl sequence and then a definite happily ever after.

So do you get the point.

NO??? @_____@"

Went off-course again... Has the 'more talk' and 'touch-and-go' slipped out of your consciousness to be lost forever? =P I was going to say, the movie "Pleasantville" made me stay quiet throughout, and I was just glad to take in the movie. It lasted from the beginning of the movie all the way up to the end of the theme song that played while the credits rolled.

I've blogged for too long now. I planned to say some more things, so I'll still say them but make it brief. Because if I don't say them now, the thought doesn't strike so deeply if I were to blog about it later.

Currently, I like this korean boyband consisting of 13 members, and the band is called Super Junior.

All hail randomness.

I especially like this member by the name of Lee Dong Hae. It could be because I just like his handsome face. But his name is very nice also. It's translated as 'dong hai' in chinese, meaning 'eastern sea'. Lol. But oh man, his smile comes very easily too. The band has a couple of funny camp-out shows. And his character in the shows is kinda enticing. And I'm in the midst of writing a fanfic with him as the protagonist. Hey, don't brush this off as silly fan talk lei.. It's quite a big issue to me (haha, right).. I have been trying to write some fics, but not succeeding :P

Last random thing, of much more significance.

I'm proud enough of myself. I should tell this to myself occasionally man.. I can occupy my own time relatively well (aww not really, till I can find how to get my hands on a movie camera. I gave up on the chance to loan a HD movie cam back when I was working the admin job). I can make myself happy. Now perhaps I can think of the bigger picture. Other people. Yes, *weary already* Other people. My own family. Yeah, that ought to be important. I accept and I love them. But often, I get mad at them too, but there are no long arguments. Which could be worse, it's kept inside in an attempt to deal with it on my own. The wonder and the anger is derived within myself, so I deal with it myself. I just wonder how a whole day can pass, with each of us doing an activity of our own, and not a word passes between us aside from customary things. I really just wish there was more. Because there should be more. But sometimes I get the sense that there is never really going to be more. That's the way it is.

Oh, the bigger picture. I think, maybe I ought not to let go of things so fast without gaining just a little more understanding first. A real good friend of mine made me think of this. I was dismissing something light-heartedly, and she mentioned sometimes we could gain some understanding first. And yeah, I keep that with me. It was refreshing to hear that, in fact. Out of the same ol' things one hears, on hearing something different which strikes true, one would keep that in mind alright.

But other times I know what I can take, and what I can't and shouldn't. But don't stay angry, let it go.

I'd rather end this post with saying 'maybe I ought not to let go of things so fast without gaining just a little more understanding first'.

I have hereby made up for my long absence from blogging with this very post.

2008-01-27T18:18:00.001+08:00

Now Playing: Switchfoot - Dare You To Move

This was one of the theme songs of the movie, "A Walk To Remember". I had been puzzled why this song was chosen to be played in the movie, and did I remember correctly that it came on when Mandy Moore and Shane West started to slow dance with each other in the movie? So I was wondering.. Why were they singing 'Dare you to move, dare you to move...' then? Is it such that they're supposed to be feeling nervous with the other being so close to oneself while dancing, and so there's like a helpless paralysis of the body in the presence of one's crush? Hahaha. I really thought so. But even with such a crazy interpretation of the song, it seemed right to me because the mood of the song is actually kinda romantic. But it turns out that the song is an encouraging / inspiring one, which is what I like.. XP The song goes, "I dare you to move.. I dare you to lift yourself off that floor.. I dare you to move like today never happened before"

Enjoy the song. This entry hasn't been much. I haven't made time to blog about the more major things happening with me ^-^ But I'm done with blogging now! Off I go again~

2008-01-26T13:41:00.000+08:00

OH MY GAWD!!!! I love Switchfoot, period! I'm doing my homework before I go for their concert on this coming Thursday. =D I bought one of their albums a long time back, i.e. "Nothing Is Sound". This album is pretty great. But checking out the songs on their old albums as well as the latest one has made me so into their music again! I don't love every single song of theirs, but they have some songs that really rock my socks :P Music puts the life in me these days... Whoa, major thing to say. Haha. ;P Thing is, their latest album have few songs that capture me.. Though I like rock music in general, I don't want just some banging away at the instruments in the songs.. I think my current taste is for some sentimentality in my rock music. Hehe.. Switchfoot's old albums are better! Well, the second most recent one is still good. But I sure hope Switchfoot don't completely go in the way of heavy rock! Their songs are occasionally classified as 'Christian Music' anyways. Perhaps they won't ever just do heavy rock. ^-^ They'll be singing old favourites in their upcoming concert in SG, methinks! It's not like they have concerts in SG as often as taiwan artistes that they can afford to sing songs from their latest album specifically. But all the better for me! It'll be cool to hear the good ol' hot faves such as, well.. Meant to Live, Dare You To Move.. For me, the song This Is Your Life has significance! It's the very first song I heard from them, as well as the very first song that introduced me to the awesome world of rock music. Wohohoh ^_~*

2008-01-17T13:46:00.000+08:00

I have watched Jay Chou's movie, "Secret"! It's not bad really! Many people comment that they don't understand the plot. =.=" That's gotta be hard on scriptwriters... I mean, don't straightaway put the blame on the people who produced the movie because oneself doesn't understand it! The fault need not lie with the way the plot unfolds. Those production people would have tried to present it in a way so it can be understood, of course! Would anyone want to screw up their own production? Don't understand the complaints people make... There's little focus on the right things (._.) Try to plot a story that's a wee bit more complicated, and one loses the audience

Jie Lun looks kinda suave in uniform! Lol. Does nobody miss wearing the school uniform?? I do! Even though local school uniforms can never compare with the really cool ones I see on screen (e.g. in Japanese anime, Harry Potter movies and so on and so forth), I still miss wearing Millennia's uniform! One reason being, I need not crack my head to think of something new to wear everyday, I just had to make sure my uniform was not shapeless, and I can look presentable everyday =P Second reason being, I still miss being a student! Well, I -am- going to resume student life, but university life is quite different altogether.

Things are simple as a student! You just had to lead a life within the school. I somehow realize now that it's really quite easy to be outstanding then, and to lead a radiant, happy life always laughing with one's friends and so on. Haha. I'm presenting a cliche. You know that kind of student looked upon like a bright success, achievements aplenty be it in student council, cca etc. Have a bunch of friends, well liked by teachers, and has better than average grades. It's relatively easy. One's school becomes a place you know and am comfortable with, and there are no problems to deal with outside that. Even if there is bitching in school, it's just within the school. One will realize that bitching within a small context is narrow minded too. Too minor an issue to let it affect one? Naw. Isn't all bitching narrow minded? But I'm sure even bitching has different levels of professionalism. Ahaha.

Now, being out of school, doesn't the world seem so much bigger and more complicated still? Then we should cherish the time we have left as a student, isn't it?? Hopefully, student life and the -education- itself is enjoyable in my remaining years as a student. Sighhh. And must also remember I'm a youngster too. Well not really anymore, young adult. *raises eyebrow* It's the BIG 21 for me this year! Is turning 20 or 21 a bigger issue? 21, I guess. Coz that's when I'll watch R21 movies? Muahahaha. Still. Got difference meh? I go Australia, and the movie ratings system will not be the same what? =S

So the tagline for this blogpost is: "Being out of school, doesn't the world seem much bigger and more complicated?"

This could have been included in some teenage drama. Hahaz

And the person saying this would be looking melancholy. Most likely, there'll be two of them in some open space, where the wind is blowing (a choice location would be some beach). And if it's a girl who says the line above, her hair would be blown about in an oh-so-perfect manner in the wind. The wind will never blow too strongly either. The breeze will always be just right. And the girl will be saying her line, and not looking at her companion (let's just say more than half the time, it'll be a guy) but instead looking out at the sea. And she'll not care about getting a reply to her question, instead the crucial thing is to relish the sweet moment and appreciate the beauty of her words. And the guy will be expected to think the girl is the most precious thing in the world because of those words she just said.

LOL.

Oh come to think of it, the above was reenacted in the movie "Secret" too. Haha.. Not my tagline though! That tagline is copyrighted as of now, by me ;P

Lemme go check out the movie soundtrack now...

I am watching the stage production, "Chestnuts"! Hahah~ Me love parody! Hope it's a good one. I heard about the death note one in the previous "Chestnuts" (they have one every year, I heard), and that did tickle me. =0

And I've bought a ticket to Switchfoot's concert! Just, are you gonna go? Do go okay? Haha this is me publicly pressurizing you!

2008-01-13T00:02:00.000+08:00

SWITCHFOOT IS COMING TO S'PORE! Oh my goodness, I didn't see this one coming.
Lol!

I don't care, I think I'm really gonna go for this one now! Even if I can't think of anyone to go with me. Bah! It doesn't matter, I'm going for a night of rock music!

Ticket is kinda expensive though. But if I let this go, will I get another chance? Oh I don't know! Though I am going over to Melbourne soon, how the hell would I know whether I'll get to see them there? *frowns in indecision* No, I won't risk it, I'll go! For real! Cheapest ticket is at $70. And I deserve it! That's what I tell myself. Haha... Hey, the rest of my paycheck goes into the bank yo? Very obedient of me already. Lol

This mv of theirs of the song 'Awakening' is pretty interesting :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHTU2i8RhH8

2008-01-12T00:53:00.000+08:00

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=99260N

What philosophical archetype are you?

You scored as a Ubermensch

You are Friedrich Nietzscheâ€™s ideal overman. Challenging conventional morality and beliefs you overcome the nihilism of a world without god by utilising the will-to-power to create your own values. An artist by nature you express yourself in a distinctly Dionysian (creative) way.

Ubermensch

80%

Sadean Libertine

67%

The Fountainhead

63%

Absurd Hero

60%

The Last Man

60%

Ellsworth Toohey

57%

The Prince

57%

Philosopher King

40%

The Underground Man

40%

2008-01-06T13:01:00.000+08:00

Music streaming: Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead (this song is in 'The OC' soundtrack)

2008-01-06T02:59:00.000+08:00

Watch the following! I'm glad to hear what Fiona Apple has to say in this interview! What she says sounds pretty cool to me ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EzEC61AHi0&feature=related

Fiona Apple's "Across The Universe" MV
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gLWTtlMwo4

2008-01-06T02:26:00.000+08:00

Wow! That's fine! "Across The Universe" uses the Fiona Apple song by the same title, and this has also been a theme song of "Pleasantville"! That's another great movie, starring Tobey Maguire in another goofy-turned-courageous role. I like Tobey Maguire in such roles :)

2008-01-06T00:47:00.000+08:00

I just LOVE the movie "Stuck On You"! I'm so glad I caught the movie, and it was on Channel 5 too. It's unusual, I'm rarely so full of praises for something Channel 5 chooses to show. Haha!

"Stuck On You" is a comedy about two enjoined twins, and it's funny and sweet at the same time. I haven't enjoyed watching a movie so much for quite a long while now! I love such a movie, one that can make me laugh out loud and also cry a little. Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear star as the twin brothers. They're real cute in this movie! The twin brothers are full of life, humorous and thus the film is just charming. It's their happy go lucky kind of character that is charming, coz they don't get beaten by just anything.

I believe this movie is a pretty old one, as it's a movie with a lot of 'heart', so to speak. Oh no, I just checked. It's a 2003 film. XP Still. Movies with a 'heart', you don't really find easily in present Hollywood. Something like "Stuck On You" makes me wanna aim for Hollywood (and you go 'psssssh'), but it's only because such a film seems worthwhile to work on. I don't even need to make a name for myself or anything. I just want to do some decent, worthwhile work. =)

Hollywood right now is probably quite screwed (lol), BUT it will still be a place one has to check out. You just can't ignore Hollywood when you're talking movies. Maybe independent films are the way to go. Oh, I don't know.

Tomorrow I'm gonna catch "Across The Universe"! :D The trailer looks fantastic, and the music sounds great. Okay.. I think I'm sounding 'rah-rah' here. With me going 'fantastic', 'great' and all. Makes me sound like an American. Hehe.. But what a friend said sounds very true. I guess it can be considered that Americans are so called rah-rah. They're all smiles 24-7. They seem to want to be everything to everyone else. Whereas Europeans keep to themselves more? They would prefer to be cool about things, be classy. But let's revert back. I'm having to learn that the talkative, smiley way is the way to function when working with other people. But don't worry about me taking on a facade yet, because this is not just about pushing oneself to learn the ways of the world out there. This could be a way of life for me to choose too.

I think I should try to boost my confidence within, or inner beauty (oh well, just let this pass now, these mushy sayings. Haha I'm in a mood to let the thoughts just fly out now) shine as much as possible, and on the other hand, shut up when I ought to. Lol. I would like to show myself as an amiable and fun person sometimes, without hyping it up or just clowning around? The latter is not how I want it be.

In this period of time, I have been using my time for doing so little. And that has gotten me down. But I just try to get myself up again, and I hope I can permanently ingrain in myself that I can count on myself to make my life great.

Hmm.. I don't know why there's the need to be perceived as fun by every other person.. How could someone be everything to everyone else?? But that seems to be the standard to aim for in some social contexts.. But that will hollow you out.. Lose yourself.. Haha well sorry. It's just that this term is in the lyrics of a lot of the songs I'm listening to. And I listen to quite a wide range. So I also know this kind of thing is prevalent.

Maybe you'll have to lose yourself. Then build up another new self. Then get comfortable with that new self as time passes, and hopefully find some real satisfaction at some point along the way.

But I too feel like I wanna have fun! Hey, I'd been a person known for being cooped up at home, hell yes, I -should- want to have fun now! But I don't know man.. The ideas of fun here.. Let's just ask ourselves, are we really having fun.

My idea of fun and laughter may be perceived as being from another planet...

Wishing you a Happy New Year! Have a nice year :0)

2008-01-01T23:06:00.000+08:00

Watch this video! The link is below... Entitled 'Worst Year of My Life". This could be played for the countdown to the new year instead of auld lang syne. That would be ironic! *lol* The song in the video is pretty unique though. Despite the title of the song 'Worst Year of My Life', it's not depressing but rather, it's the old days kind of music. Music in the old days can perhaps be described to be gently lamenting... Instead of some of the music that we have now, when the singers scream outright throughout the song (o_o;)

The pics in the video are intriguing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5H2M_sdSHrM&feature=related

Also, I wanna share this song. It's at this link:

http://melincoln.imeem.com/music/WvoNL12E/solas_doireanns_waltz/

Check it out if you like! Nice instrumental song

2008-01-01T20:49:00.000+08:00

This quote about smoking is interesting. It actually doesn't put smoking in a bad light. That's not it even, it's simply a very different view of smoking.

"The pipe draws wisdom from the lips of the philosopher, and shuts up the mouth of the foolish; it generates a style of conversation, contemplative, thoughtful, benevolent and unaffected."
- Quoted by William Makepeace Thackeray

P.S. I haven't had the time to blog! As you can tell! :(

2007-12-20T11:56:00.000+08:00

I want to participate in the following but I can't make it!!! I will have work so I won't be able to take the long hours of the competition... And what makes it more of a no-go is that I'll have a outing with colleagues after work, and I will be expected to go lar... They've asked me a number of times, and I confirmed with them a number of times I'll be going already...

Shed.Ink - overnight scriptwriting competition

Battle fatigue and push the limits of your creativity, as we introduce new clues every second hour to be figured into your scripts in this crazy overnighter!

Scripts will be eyeballed by industry professionals. The best works stand a chance to be featured in Fables - short film competition.

Prizes!

1st prize: $400 Borders Voucher / 2nd prize: $300 Borders Voucher / 3rd prize: $200 Borders Voucher

Details!

21st - 22nd Dec . 8pm - 8 am . *scape Youth Centre: Lab, 113 Somerset Road

DAMN IT!!!!!!! Film competition, I already know it'll be problematic... But this one is possible, and yet! Sounds interesting too... I knew work would require sacrifices to be made, coz all the time is sucked away like that and all. But for what?!?!? For money lor. And supposedly, experience. But the opportunity cost this time hurts my heart a little more. I'd love to go for this one... DAMN

2007-11-03T17:48:00.001+08:00

Today's a Saturday, and I'm not going out today...
My brother's out again lar. And my dad just went off for a short flight...
Another day that I tend to waste my time... Sometimes I'm good on my own, and sometimes it seems like the day's gonna be pointless again? I claim I love my movies, my books, my music. But I can get tired of them of course. I skip pages of a book, get bored while watching shows I would think I like to watch, and get lazy to look for new good music. I get confused and contradictory, that it's sometimes easier not to think. The first years you develop mental consciousness start put you on the path to insanity... Unless you shut out who you are, and build up another personality which is acceptable to the whole of society... Will it make things better if one moves on? Now I'm at the stage of having a temporary but full-time job, and I'm tired of it. And it's just a temporary job. Dang, I really wonder what else I'll be able to take then.
My family makes me tired too... Am I allowed to say that? But I've said it... That's almost all I'm facing now... To work and back home. I really love my dad. But, he wouldn't know how to talk to me. Talk talk talk. So I see the importance of talking and communication. It's ironic then, that I don't get all the small talk that people make. Each minute has to be filled with small talk, there's no allowance for any comfortable silences. On falling silent, people get anxious. You just need to say whatever crap you can come up with. I know this myself too. This seems to be something I have to learn. No wonder in the more angsty songs about life, certain words just come into mind so often. One of them is 'lonely'. The other is 'tired'.
OK! That's it with this post! Hehe this would seem like a weird way of concluding this post, but that is how it is for me. I'm not depressed at this moment, as you would surely think.. There are just times like this, maybe everyday too. Today, I'm just being blunt. *pulls a monkey face*
I know what I might do after this. I might just take a walk to the vcd rental place, and borrow the 'Brokeback Mountain' dvd. Haha.. My colleagues have brought the topic up at lunchtime, and since all along I've wanted to watch it anyway.. But I have a feeling that I might like the Youtube music videos of the movie better than the movie itself.. Hehe.. Well, the movie is gonna be slow, and I'm not too patient.. Sometimes I do find that particular scenes of a movie look really great, but when the whole movie is put together it is somehow not so great.. Some of the scenes in 'Brokeback' look raw and moving, but I hope the entire plot development doesn't bore me too much.. I guess I'm in the mood for it now anyway.. Can sit through it, and just have the emotions swayed together with the couple in the movie.. Hehe.. I was just half-heartedly watching a korean drama, when I chanced upon a Brokeback Mountain music video on Youtube. It's partly why I was instigated to write this blogpost. The song in the video was Lifehouse's 'Breathing'.
Sigh. Why does it have to be this tiring??? It gets to all of us... It only varies in terms of how much you can deny, or the better one would be, how much of it you can get over and above of...
Repeated cycle, this is.. Okay I'll stop here. Tomorrow I might go for a karoke session if possible, and to a bazaar called the 'Market for Artists and Designers' (I think that's what it's called), and the day might feel very different.. Sigh, silly me.. How sian it is to feel like I'm constantly swinging.. Perhaps on a spot that never changes position.. What a metaphor.. Don't know what I'm doing, don't know what I'm talking about. That could be the most accurate thing you could say about life. Lol.
Class 95 has this recorded voice that would go 'Brought to you by the Association of People Who Don't Know What They're Talking About'. That's why I thought of the above, hehe
Ok, bye now! I'll come back with another blog of a varied mood next time! :S

2007-10-13T01:06:00.000+08:00

I missed the whole Next Reel free film screening thing at Cathay because it was all on weekdays, and just because I had to work! Shucks! Should have checked when was the thing earlier.. And now it's all finished.. ='( Was merely busy with attempting to arrange a trip to Geylang Serai, coz it's Hari Raya now, so I thought it would worth to go during the festive season.. And in the end, didn't go Geylang Serai either.. Oh man.. In the morning, I felt I was too tired to go.. Then I got less tired as work was coming to an end (haha!), but my friend had made other arrangements after I told her in the morning I didn't feel up to it! My fault lar.. Wait one more year lor..=S Now I hear the Linkin Park's song "What Have I Done" coming up in the background.. *What have I done.. * Haha. Because I missed the entire Next Reel thing, and failed to have any other special activity. I'm not a fan of Linkin Park, but their song lyrics make pretty good short outbursts, and they can be funny. For instance, you could be trying to tell an anxious friend to relax, and you could go, "And in the end.. It doesn't even matter!" So the other song applies to me now.. *What have I done.. I'll face myself.." Haha yes. I may be facing myself this weekend 'cause my one friend is making Hari Raya visits, and another is not well.. Anything goes then this weekend. There is a need to know how to occupy yourself too yeah?

2007-10-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

Oh man!! I was working at Mediacorp again today, then I turned on my music player and heard an interview with Relient K on FM98.7! And then I went across to the Radio Building, wondering if the interview could be live.. I didn't come across any group of persons in the recording studios.. The studios seemed to have nothing special going on.. So that was not a live interview? I didn't get an answer to all my wondering.. I didn't ask my colleagues either.. It would probably seem weird to them.. I myself get so excited over all this.. Well, they sang with Switchfoot! And I trust I'll become a fan of Relient K in no time too! To think I might have come across the people who make great music that I love.. The people who come all the way from America.. And there's the chance that they might have come to Mediacorp where I could just walk over to have a peek at how they're like! (hehe) Just like the case of Chris Daughtry who came down to CNA the other time.. I think of how in concerts, they're surrounded by so many people, you know? Whereas if they get an interview at Mediacorp, there's a chance of standing close to them like any other person, instead of having the singer high up on some stage. Oh man, Relient K! I don't know if I missed seeing them in person or not! I wonder how it'll be like to mix with them.. Get to know their music, share their experience..

I think it's a perfectly understandable thing that I should get excited.. I have admiration for those people! And that is where my standards lie! Meaning, I would wanna work towards something as worthwhile as that too.. I sometimes wonder why I don't see more excitement on all us people's faces. Heartfelt excitement, that is. And not the kind of excitement of someone who's just trying to hype things up. Heartfelt excitement does not necessarily have to be outwardly expressed. If it's something you feel for, the radiance will show on one's face without necessarily saying anything. But, of course I don't think we are able to appear excited and happy all the time. You could tell from my blog even that I myself don't do that at all. But isn't it nice to spot some true excitement shining through on someone else's face, just out of the blue? On the other hand, there's the idea that showing how you feel through your facial expression so openly, can make you vulnerable.. Opening up like that is like opening yourself to other people's personal attacks..

Anyway! I just think that having something you get truly excited over (non-material things, gossip etc don't count!)... makes you really cute. Lol! That's not exactly what I intend to say.. You just have the bit of life going in you, you know? The person would seem that he/she has something that keeps one going.. That goal one still has in his mind's grasp in the continuing journey of his life.. That's how one can control the passing of his time and his life, I think.. Careful not to let your whole life be equivalent to nothing.. I've come across this question posed by some other persons.. "Why is it that things can just be okay always?" It doesn't just have to be okay! It can be good, great!

Let me backtrack a little.. Even if you don't achieve anything of sky-high standards, you still owned that goal.. That goal was what you set out to achieve, for your own sake too.. At the end of it all, you don't owe anybody.. And you won't owe yourself any explanation with regards to how you have lived your life either.. At the end of it all, you can't take any of your material possessions.. You can only count on your thoughts and your peace to take you away in a clean sweep, with no remaining longings for whatever's left on earth.. If you have calm possession of your state of mind, and can say this before you're about to go.. That though being a person who has standards and goals gave you more shit to deal with, coz being a 'go-getter' you tend to actually throw yourself into perils.. But despite this, you made all the decisions yourself, and experienced hell of a lot fun(hellish fun it is), and so it is fine. You're ready to go. ......If one can say all that, you are the greatest. Well, now this reminds me of the movie "La Vie En Rose"..

What are the things that rock your life? (erm.. pun? :P) Have you got standards? Careful not to mix up your standards with the world's...

2007-09-26T14:59:00.000+08:00

You gotta go to www.allsp.com if you're a South Park fan! They have episodes there! And I checked out the very first episode, and there was a brief interview with the creators of South Park, but instead of being a serious one, it was seriously funny! They had old fashioned hairstyles and were acting goofy and saying goofy stuff too.. It's intentional lar.. I was so entertained by their interview.. Never came across a hilarious interview like this one before. XD
Just go to www.allsp.com, click on 'Season 1', and you'll see the 1st episode there i.e. 'Cartman Gets An Anal Probe'

Haha.. ;)

-----

Check out the following too! Real funny man :)

Spidermen At Jamba Juice On David Letterman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO7Jk1toDD0

2007-09-23T15:08:00.001+08:00

I so love the song, "Deathbed" by Relient K! Many changes in style in this one song.. It's interesting when things aren't predictable.. This song draws me in as it progresses, and it gets more moving too.. There's a sung prayer in the middle of the song, and it's sung by Switchfoot's lead singer, Jon Foreman! What a cool coincidence.. Love Switchfoot too! Gotta check out more of Relient K's songs.. This is the kind of rock music I like =)

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Finally watched 'America's Sweethearts' on Tv last night. I liked it! Catherine Zeta Jones is really amazingly gorgeous

The Greatest Movies!
1. Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix
2. Artificial Intelligence
3. So Close (Chinese action flick)
4. Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind
5. Breaking News, aka 'Da Shi Jian' (HK)
6. Queen of The Damned
7. Dreamcatcher
8. 881
9. Azur & Asmar
10. America's Sweethearts

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Btw I am sick this wkend..=( Haven't been able to go out.. Normally I'd be dying to go out coz, due to work, I only have wkends left to myself.. But I guess it's not so bad to have time to myself at home this wkend either.. There are interesting things to do on the computer and etc, even though one may be cooped at home.. But these things require time to follow up on, and one feels the need to just not stay at home on weekends when on workdays, the routine is already - go to work, then back home, then back to work again. My time is being taken away once again by something I don't exactly see the point of.. Even though work helps me to make use of my free time a little more productively, coz I'm left with so little free time nw.. But does that make my temp job worth it.. 5 days a wk, 8 hours a day, doing admin work which is irrelevant to me.. Even if it does help me make use of my free time a bit more productively, must I really have this temp job so I will act less like a bum? Are we so lost at how we should fill our lives with meaning that we can only constantly occupy ourselves with work, and that translate into the meaning of our lives? No way.. I do feel somewhat like a bum without a part-time/temp job, you know.. And part-time/temp job is all I am willing to do, nothing more.. If I didn't get a job until the time came for me to go off for my studies, I'd probably feel like a bum.. Yet it's ironic that I know a job would bore me, tire me. So what's worse? Maybe working at Page One bkstore wld actually be better than doing admin for CNA.. Working for CNA is not a bad job at all indeed.. But I recall the times when I was working for Borders bkstore, doing information counter duties.. -That- kind of work was so much better.. I talked to different people, walked all around the place.. I probably juz prefer not to get tied down to doing the same things, sticking around in the same place and same environment..

I know too much free time makes me laze around too.. But I am doubtful of how one should feel the need to just get something to do, anything. And in terms which everyone would understand, getting something to do can only mean to get some work i.e. a job. A job whereby one deals with figures and stuff just to have some system running. And one doesn't even get to play around with the figures, you just put them in the right places. I'm once again speaking in vague general terms here.. I don't know what I should think about the importance of such systems. Well for instance, I do see how everyone plays a part in making sure the right tv programmes come on at the right time of the day. But such work just doesn't make much sense to me.. Well, it's just me. I just hope I never have to get to settle for such work. At least not for a long term. If I should want to just get a job that's well paid, I think I cld only do that for not too long a period.. I've been thinking of how my dad has worked so many years, and thus is now able to afford to send me overseas for my studies.. Should I be able to do that too? How should I repay my dad, you know.. (not pay him back the money, that's not what I mean) That's what I've wondered abt.. And if I should have a family of my own, how should I be able to provide.. The fact that money should be so important just... sucks.

Well ok! I admit my mind is not exactly up for this now! I'm about done with all I have to say anyway.. Off to do other things on my com!

Oh you guys know Chris Daughtry? He came in second on American Idol.. I was 2 meters away from him the other day, coz he came down to CNA for an interview! It's pretty cool to think how easily I could get so close to him, coz I saw clips of him in his rock concerts and he would be surrounded by thousands and thousands of people, and to think that I just walked to the studio and got to see him like that. And, I didn't even truly care. Lolz. Maybe I'm gonna regret caring so little, when I hear more of his songs and actually get to like him. :P I didn't ask for his autograph, neither did I take a photo with him.. Some other people were busy doing that, that's why I stood like 2 meters away.. I just went down to the studio to see him for fun..^-^ I knew he had a powerful voice beforehand.. Heard his one song, "Over You".. So that's why I was actually interested to just go and see him! He's not as big-sized as you might imagine! Seeing that he has a bald head, is like muscular and all. And he's a rock star what, supposed to have some attitude, and hence one may think of his size in terms of WWF standards. Haha.. He's just normal.. Well yeah, that's all. Till next time.

2007-09-21T15:12:00.000+08:00

On my next blogskin, I'll put in this column at the side, and have it constantly on my blog now! ^^

Here is a short list of my favourite movies, not in any order, but they're just the latest ten I would have seen :) Oh and, they may not be showing in cinemas currently, I'm including those I watched on tv, online and on vcd.

The Greatest Movies!
1. Love Me If You Dare (French)
2. Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix
3. Artificial Intelligence
4. So Close (Chinese action flick)
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
6. Breaking News, aka 'Da Shi Jian' (HK)
7. Queen of The Damned
8. Dreamcatcher
9. 881
10. Azur and Asmar

Number 10 is the newest! I'll bold it whenever there's a new entry! Haha

That's all now! See ya

2007-09-21T13:15:00.000+08:00

Click on the link I've provided below, and watch a video which will give you a few seconds of laughter! The video is entitled, "3 Second Pop Tarts"!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfvrCItdhBY

It seems stupid huh.. Haha.. But it is pretty funny.. I like it when people act stupid with the -intention- of it.. It makes fun parodies! You'll understand the video better if you take a look at this link: http://threesecondsmores.ytmnd.com/

In the U.S., the kids love to eat pop tarts right? I've heard much about pop tarts.. I wanna try one! :P But I probably have eaten something similar to pop tarts, yet just don't know it.. If you want a quick breakfast, it's probably all the same! Like cereals and stuff.. Fast foods are very much standard.. Like how burgers are all pretty much the same.. They have to look the same (otherwise they wouldn't be called burgers), and be of the same size so you can quickly finish up your meal and be happy about it..

Instructions on the back of the pop tart package: Microwave the pop tarts for 3 seconds.. It's still cold! Haha yes! Just how fast paced can city life get?

I like to do things quickly myself, just to get my adrenlin running.. Not that I like to stress myself up, not at all.. We should differentiate between a job that requires one to mindlessly rush to meet datelines, and a job for which you're happy to work fast because you want to see your finished works quickly for the satisfaction of it.

Oh, I have something to add on! Here's another set of instructions that also made me laugh! Really ah.. They can be so ridiculous..

Directions For Use

Once applied, wait for one minute...

...before stepping into the shower. Make sure the cream stays on your skin for an additional 2 minutes...

...without exceeding 6 minutes of application time.

First Aid

For advice, contact a Poisons Information Centre...

Those last 3 words made me scared to apply this cream to my skin.. Lol!

Oh and, I think I know how pop tarts are like now! They're like those Old Chang Kee yam puffs, corn puffs and such lar..

2007-09-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

The lyrics of Faye Wong's song, "Yi Xiong" are good too! I shall share some lines..

你的英勇是他的残忍
One's courage is another's cruelty being inflicted
(yeah.. this is a good line! Never had it put to me as clearly as in this line.. Bravery may be something one can be proud of if one is capable of that, but it's actually not something one can be happy about.. Because the fact that one is able to train oneself to be brave, must be due to cruel circumstances that one has come to face. But in times like that, what else can one hold on to other than bravery? I guess hope may come to mind.. But I now come to think, bravery is actually better than hope, isn't it? )

谁都忘记了宽容
只想着自己的英勇
We have forgotten to forgive. We think only of our own glory.

Great song of Faye Wong's.. She has an amazing voice.. Gotta check out more of her songs! Right now I know only one other song of hers i.e. "Eyes On Me".. I'll stream her other songs if I find more nice ones!

And Zhang Yi Mou is one of my well-liked directors too! He is capable of taking one's breath away with the colours and majesty in his movie scenes, and his older movies may seem abstract and too slow to be of excite any interest.. But, I think the deep dialogue in "Hero" makes me concentrate more on it since it's harder to understand, and it then draws me in. Deep dialogue (belonging to another period, hence it's also irrelevant to us) may seem ostentatious, but in this movie - it works! The 'old-times-speak' impresses me.. And they carry many good messages.. And it's unbelievable the way people float in his movies, more so coz it's as though time is crawling for them.. They glide along, so, so, slowly...... But I wanted to say that it actually works for me too.. The gracefulness of it is quite an art! Nice sight to take in.. With movies like "Hero", Zhang Yi Mou has put himself in a league of his own.. I remember I was bored with "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon".. May watch it again if I have the time!

Bye bye for now!

2007-09-10T23:47:00.000+08:00

The first episode of the anime 'Claymore' is totally awesome! Fabulous art.. Interest level seems promising too.. The first ep shows the slaying of monsters, and I like it that it has a medieval touch! I think I can pass the verdict that this anime has the classiest art I've ever seen.. The art in 'Black Cat' is lovely in this way too.. But 'Claymore' surpasses 'Black Cat', so the art in 'Claymore' is certainly the best I've seen so far!

I have a temp job now, so I have no time to blog! I don't wish to have my time taken away like this.. I'm doing admin work for CNA news now.. Yeah, I know! It's a good opportunity! But I'm not exactly all excited abt doing admin work.. I'm stuck in an office, and in front of the computer most of the time.. Not watching my beloved anime nor dramas nor movies (hey it's not all a waste of time, nor purely a hobby! I'm getting ideas for my own productions in future! yeah right. :P) , but instead handling the TV schedules.. I don't mind the job though.. Pay is good, and the job does offer a wee bit of good experience for me.. Yeah, wee bit only.. Good thing is, I can grab some pictures which will come out in the papers e.g. Today newspapers, and those pics are for promoting programmes i.e. just get ppl to take note of certain upcoming programmes they cld watch if they're interested. So what I do is to take the video tapes of the recorded programmes and grab stills from them to promote.. Other than this, the work is pretty limited, and I do not have to use my brain at work.. (=.=) I'm not suffocating due to the work coz I'm handling my workload pretty ok.. But I'm bored.....

Saw a couple of celebrities already.. I like to look at them in the eye(not rudely or anything, but it's interesting to exchange a glance), to give the idea that "hey I recognize you, yer know.. but you are no different from me or anyone else" Lol! It gives me a little entertainment.. I don't idolize any, but I like the surprise of it coz I don't know who I might come across, you see!

The time I've been spending at work could have been used to brainstorm somemore, and come up with a short film.. I've got a few mths more, then I'm off to Australia! Don't know what to expect with regards to life there lei.. I -WANT- to make a short film before I go off to Australia! But I kinda get stuck in some concerns.. Don't have any proper camera lar.. Not that this should be stated as my concern coz it would sound like an excuse.. I'm gonna try to shoot with my dad's video cam.. It's those kind of small handy cam..

Gotta go zZzZzZz liao.. Next time!

2007-08-29T22:30:00.000+08:00

The Eric Cartman song is hilarious, isn't it! It has the exact style of modern Christian songs.. Heh.. South Park gives me food for thought.. I like! They aren't criticizing modern Christian worship so bad.. In the episodes of South Park, they don't criticize things so blatantly.. They show you the way things are, and it's all somewhat exaggerated, but it leads you to realize how true the portrayal is.. And then one can start questioning whether things are meant to be that way.. They leave that up to you anyway.. Wise way of commenting on society and etc.. And absolutely funny! This song may seem to treat Christian songs lightly, but if you ask me, I like the tune! In the chorus Cartman has a build up of his feelings for Jesus too.. Lol.. You can refer to the lyrics below and laugh your heart out! XD I would happily sing along with Cartman! Hahaha

-------

"There's been a change! Give it up for... Faith + 1!"

"You know, Jesus. I've been thinking a lot about you lately. Well, that's why I wrote this song."

I love you, Jesus
I want you to walk with me
I'll take good care of you, baby
Call you my baby, baby
You died for my sins
And you know that I will die for you,
right?
What's the matter, baby?
(not sure about this line?)

Your love is my life
You know when I'm without you
There's a black hole in my life (my fav climax! lol!)
Oh, I wanna believe
It's alright
But I get lonely in the night
And it's up to you to save me

2007-08-24T19:22:00.000+08:00

Anime, 'Zombie Loan' has nice art! It's ultra new! Being shown on TV in Japan now, I think.. Maybe I shouldn't bluff myself saying it has 'nice art' and all.. Coz basically, there are two handsome hunks in the anime!!! Hahaha.. But well, a good plot and good action are considerations which will let me decide whether I do like the anime that much or not..

'D N Angel' is pretty interesting, such that I watched it till the end.. It's a kiddy anime, but sweet and funny.. I'll say it's not bad!

'Code Geass' has a lot of potential.. But subsequent episodes don't live up to expectations.. The story seems disconnected to me.. It has fight strategies and all, which could make good material to excite the brain a little bit.. However a plot so exciting as working towards bringing about the fall of a tyrannical empire, does not reach its full potential in 'Code Geass'.. Hmm, I may watch it again to see from which point I thought 'Code Geass' started to turn out to be disappointing.. But the art is great too!

Code Geass

Zombie Loan

2007-08-24T00:34:00.000+08:00

Quoted from a blog I found:

"Blockbuster" is often used as shorthand for "artistically and intellectually arid commercial vehicle". That's more often true than not, but there have been more than enough exceptions to the rule to conclude that it is not necessarily the case. At their best, blockbusters can provide a unique escapist thrill coupled with a riveting visual spectacle, and, let's face it - they are the reason most of us came to love cinema in the first place. Cinephile snobbery aside, most of us harbour a torch for at least some blockbuster films, and we have to admit that, in a healthy, balanced cinematic diet, they are as necessary as the works of the great auteurs.

Yeah, this blogger says it well! Currently, this is my trend of thought too.

The paragraph quoted above is taken from this web address:
http://amediumofimages.blogspot.com/2007_07_01_archive.html

So, Singapore needs BOTH 'Singapore Dreaming' and '881'. Yeah! More of it more of it!

You know what, I somehow think tv shows exploring the culture of Singapore these days have a tendency to go right down to showing just Chinatown, the miserably few 'street performances' we have when there are just our elders singing songs for the fun of it and more, and also independent Chinese drama companies performing in the heartland.. Well, these have been around in past years and it's quite natural they are taken to constitute the heritage of Singapore.. And I'm not speaking disrespectfully of our elders at all.. But I don't hope to see Singapore conveniently promoting this as our culture, and worse still, for the sole purpose of attracting tourists.. Just because it's already there, doesn't mean that is all there is to our culture.. I hope there is going to be more than that in defining our culture..

Over time, I have occasionally come to be willing to try to love life in Singapore a bit more.. Haha.. Because life in Singapore gives me comfort from time to time.. Don't know what kind of troubles the world out there will present.. But even though one can perhaps shine out from the crowd more easily, it may only be because the number of people around are few.. Hmm, consider Singapore Idol and American Idol perhaps. And if say you form a band with a rare musical style here, it's much much easier to take the whole of Singapore on a wave of great popularity for yourself, because it's gonna be easier to be the first of a kind too. Considering Singapore's music scene is like.. Well I don't have to clarify it, just compare it with America's and you get my drift? Haha.. But yes, I know I know. Singapore is small, and thus all the proportions of every other thing is too. Aside from ambitions to make more and more money, and bring in more and more commodities to enable Singaporeans to shop like siao. Singaporeans happy, government also happy. Win-win situation. *CHING! (i.e. sound of cash register)* Lol! BUT. Somebody here is not happy. Yes, it's yours truly... Well, come on! There's more than that, you know.. Well, I leave it at that for now.. Sometimes philosophy really doesn't have worth.. Today I shall use my time for other things XD

Oh I'm not finished with my point about my hoping there's gonna be more to defining our culture.. Because I'm a youngster, I'll like to see that the activities of youths and young adults are included in defining our culture too! Although I do agree with the opinion that Singapore is going to need time to form our culture.. Just hope that we don't remain to be a country solely concerned with economic activity! And even if our arts scene is opening up, don't be artsy just to act aristocratic.. Open our eyes and see that the rest of the world is huge.. And other people are leading such vastly different lives.. So if one's life is the same always, doesn't the question of whether any meaning can be found in such a life come in..? A society should have varied minds, varied tastes. The mind cannot be so narrow, so techno! Lol. You will get the joke if you watch '881'!

But one thing I cannot like about Singapore, and maybe not for a long time to come, is the pretty mindless education.. What I've experienced, that is.. I see changes are taking place all the time, I hope (and am not completely hopeless *cross my fingers*) improvement can really come about.. But that won't have anything to do with me already, by the time the improvement comes (if it does come).. Chances are rarely given.. It's a suffocating system, which stifles real development of the mind.. Because I feel that learning at its most interesting point will also be most effective, and will also have to be free reign and free of mindless competition.. Yes, mindless competition it is.. Competition is a great thing when it pushes one to do better.. But mindless competition is counterproductive instead.. Because being surrounded by people who mug for the best of grades because it looks good on their certificate plus resume is not the right motivation.. If mugging is how the 'learning' is carried out, then the education itself also appears to be a problem.. But who knows what I'll come across on going to Australia to study.. Things may more or less be the same everywhere.. Sucks to that! Haha.. Haiz just forget it now.. The money required for this degree is loads.. That has been emphasizing to me the importance of money in this world, though I often believe that a stifling environment would kill me faster than the lack of money.. What would happen if I fail in my studies overseas.. I mean, it's not so much considering what will happen.. But more of, the money spent translates to the idea that even if this should be a 'mission impossible', also need to turn it into a 'mission-impossible made possible'. Lol.. Jeez

Bye for now!

2007-08-19T18:36:00.000+08:00

Heyy! I'm going to make this post a quick one.. Now my brother has also watched '881', and he didn't like it one bit.. The parts about the chicken feathers, and silly fights between the Papaya and Durian sisters etc, made him almost walk out of the cinema in the middle of the movie.. I was like thinking, "Oook.. What a strong reaction.." Haha.. His reason? He expected to watch something that would tell us more about the life of a getai singer when he bought his tickets for this '881' movie.. But instead a silly plot was dished out.. He said he expected that much from Royston Tan.. Seeing his previous work, '15', tells about the lives of gangsters.. That stuff is real.. And to my bro, '881' obviously cannot compare coz it doesn't touch on what goes on in the life of a getai singer at all..

I considered this, and then said to myself, "Hey yeah! Never came to my mind till now! It's true, you know! I didn't realize it in the midst of taking in the flamboyant sights of the movie, but it's true that the plot is basically, zero!" Lolz.. Ok, I didn't put it that way to be mean or anything.. But let's juz get on, coz I said I'll be making this quick.. It -is- undeniable though, you can't think of the story in '881' as much of a plot at all.. Royston Tan could have included a slice of the life of a getai singer in the narrative, to make '881' better than it already it.. I still like the movie, I'll mention why in a while.. But including a bit on the life of a getai singer should not have been left out.. Coz now I realize that the Papaya sisters kept singing dialect songs of how hard life was, but I don't know what kind of background they have at all? So what justifies their singing of those songs? One of them falls sick (yes, that I know) but surely '881' doesn't want to go the way of a melodramatic korean drama or something.. I didn't notice the cliche of having Mindee Ong fall sick in '881', coz like I said, I was busy taking in the flamboyant sights and all the happenings etc..

And yeah, the part about chicken feathers and bras of the Durian sisters shooting laser rays and stuff? They don't exactly contribute to the humour either, so I now feel that all that is unnecessary.. I accepted them as I watched all those happening.. But come to think of it now, all that were not laughable even.. I thought that the scene of the bras shooting lazer rays did something positive for the trailer.. But now my brother let me rethink this.. And I remember I didn't laugh much at all when the girls were fighting.. So in conclusion, I don't find '881' as funny as I thought it was before.. Hehe.

So, one thing for sure, one fault of the movie is that it lacks the narrative of a -real- story about how getai singers go about their unusual singing careers. It wouldn't have been so hard to give the characters Mindee Ong and Yeo Yann Yann a bit of a real background, and it would have done so much for the movie too.

Oh but, the cast is great! My bro seconds that. (^^) Mindee Ong is real pretty.. And Yeo Yann Yann is a convincing actress too.. The auntie of the Papaya Sisters actually gives the movie a bit of reality, now that I think of it.. Which the movie would otherwise lack coz it has an irrelevant plot.. The cast is truly good.. Well chosen.. Even Qi Yu Wu.. Though really a bit extra.. His character has a sort of quiet charm.. In some shots, that is.. Coz his character is also quite degraded.. Play with his cock etc la.. And is sometimes shown as a somewhat retarded son la.. Agree? But I wld also give him credit for his composed acting, for the little parts he got to play

Now to consider the likeable points of the movie. Though I said I don't find the movie as funny now as I thought before, it still is pretty funny! The alternate definition of HIV is especially so.. XD And another thing which is a pretty good achievement is that overall, the movie is also happening! The flamboyance of the costumes, the getai sisters actually running in their costumes to get on stage.. They practise their act, in a group with their auntie and all.. Those shots were somewhat in slow motion, and those scenes turn out to be quite heartwarming too.. The 'jie mei' idea, which means the idea of the togetherness of the sisters, is there.. So I think it can be said Royston Tan went the way of making a feel good family movie this time, and not something like '15' which impresses one about the reality of how some other person's life (in this case, a gangster's life) is different..

It's quite good that '881' is a happening movie.. Shows another type of movie Singapore can manage to film.. I have thought for a while now that Singapore have a number of short films by various people.. But we have many short films now, coz currently the means of filming a long movie is available to just a few individuals like Jack Neo, and now Royston Tan.. And some short films give me the impression that they're just trying to be artsy. But seeing '881' made me wonder that something 'ah lian' can be made into such a wonderful sight. =) Heh.. I don't mean to call it 'ah lian'.. It's my affectionate way of labelling '881' though.. Hmm back to the point about trying to be artsy. Well I don't really know. But it could be that some people show themselves to be interested in the arts scene, because they know of the idea that getting involved in the arts can show that one is cultured and all, you know.. I may be going off course again.. But once again, one should try to go about achieving something not to prove to others that you are this and that, and then only one feel that one can carry one's head high? That would be being obnoxious.. Pride comes from within, I guess.. One could try to go about achieving something just to show oneself that one can keep doing better.. Well, but I see that I could be bringing up too many ideals.. Think I tend to do that when I blog.. But otherwise, what else could I try to figure out when I blog? One tries to figure out how to continue carrying out one's actions best..

Perhaps Royston Tan has shown me this time that he continues to film unusual things, things other people won't even -think- of filming coz they might be afraid of incredulous responses.. I wondered how the first people he would have discussed his idea of making a getai movie idea with, might have reacted.. But wow, his box office takings won over a couple of other movies which are showing now too.. I'd be glad to watch his other upcoming movies if he continues to film the unusual and very different lives of some other kinds of people.. It's always nice to know of a life different from one's own.. I think so.. Don't know if many other people think so or not.. But this makes things less boring if you ask me.. Which is why I'm glad for movies, tv, travel and all that! It's a pity this time we don't get to find out a little about a getai singer's life.. Although I already thought it interesting that Royston Tan goes to get in contact with the real getai singers..

Oh and once again, regarding my saying some short films seem to attempt to be all artsy.. Don't mean to sound like a know-it-all, but perhaps it's because I don't have much of a good impression of Singapore short films, coz of watching some not so good ones at The Substation, and other times, on Arts Central. And on my volunteer stints in helping out with stage theatre, not all the people I come across care very much for theatre as something worth delving into, exploring for its own sake.. Hmm don't really know how to put it.. But can somewhat tell how far the interest reaches..

Oh but I can't even say much about myself yet! I have nothing solid done either.. Yet. And I gotta end this post already! I also like '881' for its angles. The angles from which the movie is shot are really well done. The actors' lines also seem like some thought was put into them, coz the lines do mean something. Costumes are good, music is good! And this time there really are exciting sights! Sometimes one goes into a cinema to catch a show to indulge in such excitement, and forget oneself for a while. And coz I have been watching Hollywood stuff all along (with the exception of some of the undeniably crappy stuff they produce quite often now), it's great to know that Singapore can also produce something exciting like that. Well yeah, bring on more of it! Haha. Andddddd, I really gotta go.

2007-08-16T00:18:00.000+08:00

Royston Tan's '881' is just, GREAT!!! Haha yes! I do mean it! It's a really good one, considering it's our local production. Better than a good lot of other local movies. No deep angst for how the local industry's looking or anything; I'm talking about the situation so far that is! The industry does have some distance to go.. Seeing this gives me a pretty good feeling about things.. Singapore should definitely keep moving to greater heights in the film industry.. Watching a movie like this reignites my sense of urgency to do something with myself.. Not that I feel useless, accomplishing nothing otherwise.. Not strictly that.. I don't care about accomplishing something just so that I can let others see that I am capable.. If one knows one is quite capable, one does not have to dish out that solid proof just for others to see.. I want to work something out for myself! So that my feelings.. Like maybe right now, I'm feeling quite strongly about things.. Reignited like I said.. And yeah, I want to work something out.. So that these feelings can have an avenue! Yeah.. Okay. I'm off to do other things! I won't review the movie. This is all I wanna say. Hehe.. I'm not in the state to be a normal and calm movie reviewer right nw.. I just have to tell you how this movie makes me feel.. It should convince you enough to watch it. XP Okay, ask me about the movie personally next time, and I'll give you good enough reasons, and speak of them properly. Haha.. Just not in this blog post!

Btw, I don't think I wanna use this blogskin. Nice as the coffee looks, it doesn't look exactly pretty nor is it exactly stylish.. Hmm, will change it soon

2007-08-11T15:41:00.000+08:00

As you may know, I have been driving myself crazy with the -many- different options of which australian university to go to.. In some ways, I can't help it.. And at times, I'm sorta asking for it.. Hehe.. I can't help it when I have to accept that a particular option becomes closed to me when I don't meet the entry requirements.. Plus there's the consideration of whether it's advisable for me to go to a particular state of Australia.. All these do not give me a choice in 'swinging' from one option to another.. Other times, I'm asking for it.. Coz though I have decided that I don't mind doing an arts degree both for 'security' reasons (so I can get a job should a job doing film not be widely available) and because I can continue learning some general knowledge, I want to hold on to the idea of studying film still.. Just a little.. But this complicates things.. And because I'm open to all sources of information, coz I think there could always be something to learn from each and every source (I could attempt to be aware, and absorb good logical information over less convincing ones), I give myself more trouble..

This can be both good and bad.. Good because I become aware that whichever type of studies I should do, I will face both its pros and cons.. If I do film, I can have a stake in doing work I can see myself doing in the future.. But camera skills may not be practical, and camera work alone is dull.. If I do arts, could I still pave a way for myself to go on to do film later.. But of course, nothing is ever easy.. So I think I can live with considering all these problems.. And finally pick a choice which is most beneficial for me, with minimal drawbacks. But this is gonna be for myself too! So yeah, I'm asking for this big headache.. :P

I was thinking, this requires so much thought. I never knew of such a thing before. But how can one do this thoughtlessly? I shouldn't be thoughtless like that, if not I'll be thoughtlessly living my whole life too. I could try to view this as a challenge to myself. Throughout the whole long way to making my own achievement finally, everything I experience along the way will count for something. That's how one gets the seldom thought of, but actually highly important, satisfaction or contentment with one's life thereafter. This is so, so different from forms of entertainment which are temporary. Sorry to be philosophical in this post once again, but I think I'll be questioning my whole life what the hell am I doing here on earth? And don't laugh! Do you never ask yourself that? If so, there is something seriously wrong.. Haha..=P

I am going to do what I want to, what I like! With the acknowledgement that I also have to earn some money. I want to put my father and brother and also my mum at ease too. But money should not be a lifetime concern. I'm happy my father is willing and able to allow me to go overseas and study and all. I always acknowledge that okayyy.. Yeap.. But after all that.. No matter what life I'm given, I thank my lucky stars (or not, if I sometimes happen to be suay) and move on.. And money should still not be a lifetime concern. I just want to try making myself happy along the way. After money and all else have been taken into consideration.

I get bored. I get bored so easily. I'll tell you something strange, blogging this small bit makes me feel better already. Whatever's within has been eased out. ('Eased out'? Sounds like a fart or something..Lol! Nonono) Thinking it out like this can dispel boredom. Boredom is one thing; sometimes I'm frustrated with my surroundings, and of course frustration is worse lor.. But I'm a different kind of person altogether, and sometimes I think it's not like it can be helped who I am. So can one understand that coz that frustration at times seems like it will always have grounds to be present (coz I remain who I am, and my surroundings also remain the same), and thus it's also why that frustration can be so great? But now I think, if I'm gonna have to accept certain disagreeable things (and I don't mind if I sometimes compromise, but I wun wanna accept a whole lot of shit, nonono), why not go about it quickly? I find that I may drag things and make myself unhappy for an unnecessarily long time. Can sweep the disagreeable things all up, and get done with them and discard! Not gonna let little details deter me! Okay come on let's go! ._.? Lolz.. That was said only because it's somewhat suitable to say in this mood.. Yeah, and I'm off! My moods sure are funny.. I could learn to moderate them to avoid embarrassment.. Hehe.. Otherwise I'm gonna appear to be weird.. Aiya, don't really care, I could stay weird XD

Being comfortable and confident of oneself.. We could all learn to be that way.. Without the egoism and conceit of course!

2007-08-04T13:59:00.001+08:00

Oh My Gawd.. I've been checking up on Australian universities, and just as I've almost decided on going to either a university in South Australia (where Adelaide is for example, it's the quieter area in Australia) or either Monash University in Melbourne.. I found out that a shooting happened in that very uni in 2002! What the hell. 2 people were killed, 5 injured. And I've been checking out on the net, and people seem to say Melbourne is not as bad as Sydney somemore.. Less crowded.. Kind of student friendly.. Although all sources do say crime happens in every city.. Monash has got campuses scattered in different areas of the town Victoria, I think.. Wonder which particular one the shooting took place.. And a newspaper report had someone commenting that Victoria is a 'nice little town', so it's crazy that it should have happened.. Shitz.. I think I'll like to go to a town where it's more challenging than South Australia sort of.. Coz I want to do film, and learn about mixing with people and stuff.. So I thought of going some place more 'challenging' than South Australia, and I didn't want the worse.. So I thought Melbourne would be less stressful as Sydney.. Sydney has this widespread city skyline, and the buildings all crowd together, and it looks kinda suffocating.. Melbourne's skyline looks less widespread, and I thought maybe it's not so bad.. Like Singapore's skyline spreads just over a small distance.. Melbourne's also the closest to Adelaide.. Can take train to visit Justina at Uni of Adelaide or sth.. Will take about 1/2 a day though..

Taken from Wikipedia:

Melbourne -
Melbourne is a major centre of commerce, industry and cultural activity. The city is often referred to as Australia's "sporting and cultural capital" ^[2] and it is home to many of the nation's most significant cultural and sporting events and institutions. Melbourne is notable for its mix of Victorian and contemporary architecture, its extensive tram network and Victorian parks and gardens, and its diverse, multicultural society.

Sydney -
Sydney is located on Australia's south-east coast. The city is built around Port Jackson, which includes Sydney Harbour, leading to the city's nickname, "the Harbour City". It is Australia's largest financial centre and is home to the Australian Stock Exchange . Sydney's leading economic sectors include property and business services, retail, manufacturing, tourism, and health and community services.Sydney is a major international tourist destination notable for its beaches and twin landmarks: the Sydney Opera House and the Harbour Bridge. The metropolitan area is surrounded by national parks, and contains many bays, rivers and inlets.

Sydney seems to be real concerned about economic activity.. It just seems like a huge economic centre, and if that's gonna be the main thing there, it isn't so suitable for me.. And population wise, indeed Melbourne is less crowded..

Melbourne - 3,744,373
Sydney - 4,284,379

Btw article of shooting is here: Click here

Something like that not expected to happen in the town apparently..

This is Wikipedia's article: Click here

Student was acting crazy already..

So can I believe that Melbourne will be alright for me? Coz not only is the choice of uni important, environment is also impt to shape one's character.. And Monash Uni -is- a good name.. I will still hv to consider what can get me a job that earns money.. Yah, 'sheeesh'.. But I do accept reality as much.. I need to factor in such considerations, while I try to do what I like.. Monash has an arts degree, and allows me to study film and tv studies.. But another thing is.. They just set up the film and tv studies about 2 years ago.. There, problem again! But Monash is Monash right, wonder if it's still gonna be okay? And I'll like to take other electives like philosophy too.. Hah! I could email them to ask about their film and tv studies

Gosh, this period of time my brain is so occupied with all these many, many considerations. Not easy at all. And I'm finally getting down to film a small movie of my own. Will be a video of just a few minutes. Like a feature film. Coz I heard there's a requirement of a portfolio for certain media/film degrees in australia. But I don't think I'll go on to study camera skills alone. Coz you know, if one wants to make films, simple skills might do, and story ideas and creative ways to frame them are important! Do I need years just studying a course to do film.. Or can I just try to join a movie company, and work my way up from the bottom, picking up the skills along the way? This might be better. Studying doesn't count so much as experience in sectors like film? Or I could just get my degree first (for security reasons it may indeed be), and after the 3 or 4 years I seriously go and jostle my way into the film industry already.. Haha, something like that.. Guess after studying in Australia, I'll come back to Singapore for a few years and get basic experience.. Maybe do a diploma in film sound video at ngee ann poly then?? I'll be so freaking old! But aiya whatever.. I don't think I should do the diploma nw.. I dun foresee it'll accomplish a lot for me.. I try to go to the outside world, and learn more 'worldly' things first.. It'll help me to mature, I think.. But of course, I'm scared on one hand! It's only natural.. Come back then do the diploma also can.. Either that, or australia also has independent courses on film making at this SAE institute or something.. This SAE institute is a worldwide institute, so I read on Wikipedia.. Impt thing is, I'll be coming back to Singapore for a few years after studying in Australia yeah? Try to enter Monash first, I guess.. I wonder.. After I return to Singapore to work for a few years, could I go overseas to explore opportunities again? Will try! For now, guess I'll not just learn camera skills first, but continue my learning of general knowledge first!

I hope my scores allow me to enter! I meet the bare minimum.. Shit.. I worry about that too.. Got cause to worry mah.. But they should be willing to accept international students who can pay for it.. And I do meet the bare minimum anyways.. Monash? Melbourne? I hope you're a good choice

If you knew what I've been experiencing.. Surfacing of new options.. Then become closed to me.. Then some more new options surface.. If Monash is gonna be a pretty gd choice, and pray this option doesn't close for me, then I'll finally be done with my decision!

God help me! Ma, help me also.. Hopefully it's gonna be just fine! I'll be gone now! Mid afternoon already! I delayed working on the film script, and it's supposed to be completed.. today?? I've started on it just a bit ^-^

2007-08-04T13:59:00.000+08:00

Oh My Gawd.. I've been checking up on Australian universities, and just as I've almost decided on going to either a university in South Australia (where Adelaide is for example, it's the quieter area in Australia) or either Monash University in Melbourne.. I found out that a shooting happened in that very uni in April this year!! What the hell. 2 people were killed, 5 injured. And I've been checking out on the net, and people seem to say Melbourne is not as bad as Sydney somemore.. Less crowded.. Kind of student friendly.. Although all sources do say crime happens in every city.. Monash has got campuses scattered in different areas of the town Victoria, I think.. Wonder which particular one the shooting took place.. And a newspaper report had someone commenting that Victoria is a 'nice little town', so it's crazy that it should have happened.. Shitz.. I think I'll like to go to a town where it's more challenging than South Australia sort of.. Coz I want to do film, and learn about mixing with people and stuff.. So I thought of going some place more 'challenging' than South Australia, and I didn't want the worse.. So I thought Melbourne would be less stressful as Sydney.. Sydney has this widespread city skyline, and the buildings all crowd together, and it looks kinda suffocating.. Melbourne's skyline looks less widespread, and I thought maybe it's not so bad.. Like Singapore's skyline spreads just over a small distance.. Melbourne's also the closest to Adelaide.. Can take train to visit Justina at Uni of Adelaide or sth.. Will take about 1/2 a day though..

Taken from Wikipedia:

Melbourne -
Melbourne is a major centre of commerce, industry and cultural activity. The city is often referred to as Australia's "sporting and cultural capital" ^[2] and it is home to many of the nation's most significant cultural and sporting events and institutions. Melbourne is notable for its mix of Victorian and contemporary architecture, its extensive tram network and Victorian parks and gardens, and its diverse, multicultural society.

Sydney -
Sydney is located on Australia's south-east coast. The city is built around Port Jackson, which includes Sydney Harbour, leading to the city's nickname, "the Harbour City". It is Australia's largest financial centre and is home to the Australian Stock Exchange . Sydney's leading economic sectors include property and business services, retail, manufacturing, tourism, and health and community services.Sydney is a major international tourist destination notable for its beaches and twin landmarks: the Sydney Opera House and the Harbour Bridge. The metropolitan area is surrounded by national parks, and contains many bays, rivers and inlets.

Sydney seems to be real concerned about economic activity.. It just seems like a huge economic centre, and if that's gonna be the main thing there, it isn't so suitable for me.. And population wise, indeed Melbourne is less crowded..

Melbourne - 3,744,373
Sydney - 4,284,379

Btw article of shooting is here: Click here

Something like that not expected to happen in the town apparently..

This is Wikipedia's article: Click here

Student was acting crazy already..

So can I believe that Melbourne will be alright for me? Coz not only is the choice of uni important, environment is also impt to shape one's character.. And Monash Uni -is- a good name.. I will still hv to consider what can get me a job that earns money.. Yah, 'sheeesh'.. But I do accept reality as much.. I need to factor in such considerations, while I try to do what I like.. Monash has an arts degree, and allows me to study film and tv studies.. But another thing is.. They just set up the film and tv studies about 2 years ago.. There, problem again! But Monash is Monash right, wonder if it's still gonna be okay? And I'll like to take other electives like philosophy too.. Hah! I could email them to ask about their film and tv studies

Gosh, this period of time my brain is so occupied with all these many, many considerations. Not easy at all. And I'm finally getting down to film a small movie of my own. Will be a video of just a few minutes. Like a feature film. Coz I heard there's a requirement of a portfolio for certain media/film degrees in australia. But I don't think I'll go on to study camera skills alone. Coz you know, if one wants to make films, simple skills might do, and story ideas and creative ways to frame them are important! Do I need years just studying a course to do film.. Or can I just try to join a movie company, and work my way up from the bottom, picking up the skills along the way? This might be better. Studying doesn't count so much as experience in sectors like film? Or I could just get my degree first (for security reasons it may indeed be), and after the 3 or 4 years I seriously go and jostle my way into the film industry already.. Haha, something like that.. Guess after studying in Australia, I'll come back to Singapore for a few years and get basic experience.. Maybe do a diploma in film sound video at ngee ann poly then?? I'll be so freaking old! But aiya whatever.. I don't think I should do the diploma nw.. I dun foresee it'll accomplish a lot for me.. I try to go to the outside world, and learn more 'worldly' things first.. It'll help me to mature, I think.. But of course, I'm scared on one hand! It's only natural.. Come back then do the diploma also can.. Either that, or australia also has independent courses on film making at this SAE institute or something.. This SAE institute is a worldwide institute, so I read on Wikipedia.. Impt thing is, I'll be coming back to Singapore for a few years after studying in Australia yeah? Try to enter Monash first, I guess.. I wonder.. After I return to Singapore to work for a few years, could I go overseas to explore opportunities again? Will try! For now, guess I'll not just learn camera skills first, but continue my learning of general knowledge first!

I hope my scores allow me to enter! I meet the bare minimum.. Shit.. I worry about that too.. Got cause to worry mah.. But they should be willing to accept international students who can pay for it.. And I do meet the bare minimum anyways.. Monash? Melbourne? I hope you're a good choice

If you knew what I've been experiencing.. Surfacing of new options.. Then become closed to me.. Then some more new options surface.. If Monash is gonna be a pretty gd choice, and pray this option doesn't close for me, then I'll finally be done with my decision!

God help me! Ma, help me also.. Hopefully it's gonna be just fine! I'll be gone now! Mid afternoon already! I delayed working on the film script, and it's supposed to be completed.. today?? I've started on it just a bit ^-^

2007-07-21T13:08:00.000+08:00

I liked it that 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' was about acceptance of one another too. I think, sometimes two parties realize they can't click after some time, but instead of starting to bitch about each other, the male and female lead in this movie learn how to accept even when they know there are still gonna be times that they get sick of each other.. Yeahhh.. The thing is, they realized they couldn't leave each other.. Enduring the complete absence of each other is worse than having to endure the times when they will get fed up of each other.. And this reminds me of the U2 song 'With Or Without You'.. Coz the song goes 'I can't live / with or without you'.. Yeap yeap.. I guess we should learn to appreciate other people.. Maybe they don't provide the most enjoyable companionship.. But they care enough to keep you company.. And do little things to help you out, or make you happy.. That kind of support is good enough.. Are we always losing contact with people? Maybe we should try harder.. But of course, I know there is the loneliness.. I guess there are almost always one or two people around oneself.. But the loneliness is probably due to the lack of utmost understanding.. I have considered quite often, that if one really conceitedly wants the best of the best companion, one should just go and clone oneself.. Ahaha.. That could be a good story in development! Wheee~ But I never get any of my stories done, yet. But we shouldn't keep losing contact with people.. These days, when I do short term jobs or just know a person briefly, I still try to get the person's handphone number or msn address and all.. It's not so easy meeting someone you can comfortably chat with, so doing this may be a good idea!

~*~

Quotes from movie, 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'

(last lines)
Joel: I can't see anything I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: (pauses) Okay.

2007-07-19T13:01:00.001+08:00

I did manange to watch 'Artificial Intelligence' again! I watched it on VCD on my own at home, and watched it real quietly.. Quite affecting.. And the cinematography is beautiful too.. I'm just posting this to put up the link to a story.. It's entitled 'Supertoys Last All Summer Long', and this is the story that had inspired the movie! Well, click right HERE

2007-07-17T01:37:00.000+08:00

'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' is...... SMASHING!!!!! Haha.. I'm referring to the movie, that is.. And can you tell that this post isn't going to be a long review of the movie? On the contrary, when I use a relatively unique word like 'smashing' to describe a movie, it is to make up for my laziness to write a longer and more comprehensive review.. Yet I still hope to instill some excitement, thus, lazy as I may be, I try to think of different, bombastic descriptive words each time.. Lol.. Still, they are mostly just one-word descriptions.. :P

Anyway, I just recommend this movie! Never appreciated the pure magic in Harry Potter properly before.. I mean.. The previous Harry Potter movies, I just watch them and then am done with them.. One can't expect these things to last.. They don't even exist in real life.. But now that I am into the making of movies.. I want to start looking into the possibilities of making such fantastic fantasy last.. Even if they don't exist physically in real life.. But the effect of witnessing such fantasy can last.. It can cause feelings and the imagination to soar.. I think it would be nice to make a movie that can help movie-goers relieve and release themselves, even if only for a couple of hours, in the space of the cinema. One of the good things about watching a movie in a cinema is because the world you know and the life you know is shut out for those couple of hours, as you watch the movie in the exclusive cinema space.

I wonder why people have to watch movies and sort of be done with them right away. Then it's like going to watch movies is not even important to them.. It doesn't matter to them what kind of movie they choose to watch.. We're not exactly selective about the movies we watch around here, are we? Plus if it's a blockbuster that's widely advertised, and then gets lots of people talking about all that promotion, then it'll be the obvious choice of movie for the day. Are most people watching movies just because it gives us something to do on a date outside? When people ask for ideas about an ideal date, and there are answers like a romantic dinner, then a movie (oh and, probably a stroll along the beach too), I'm sorry but I can't help but want to wail, "BORING! Why is it all the same" I am a movie buff of course, but I don't necessarily have to watch a movie on every date.. But just to clear things up, a movie is perfectly fine for an occasional get-together with friends ^^

But, of course I understand that not everybody would not be as enthu/siao as me to want to have a better appreciation of movies.. Haiz.. But then, it's one's own money one forks out to pay for the movie ticket.. Can at least be more discerning or not? XP

Haha.. Starting this post with talk about Harry Potter has managed to turn into social commentary again.. Pardon meeee.. Not.. Haha whatever lar, forget that! Hmm, so I recommend this latest installment of the Harry Potter series.. Love the new characters.. Cho Chang is boring.. There's this new female student with long bleached hair (hmm I thought of its likeness to Draco Malfoy's hair), a fair and fairytale-like character.. Somewhat dreamy, imaginative yet not silly or whatsoever.. But rather, maintains her identity with a certain calm.. I like this character! Her name is Luna Lovegood.. And if you have already watched the movie, you know that black witch who *SPOILER ALERT!* killed Sirius Black? She's the wife of Tim Burton! Goth girl married to director of goth cartoons.. Quite a pair huh? She dresses strangely in real life too.. Haha.. Interesting though! So very curious..=P

The battle scenes are good; the one between Dumbledore and Voldemort is stylish enough. And this time, there are a few lines that were pretty well spoken, applicable to real life sort of. But I guess no movie is completely unrelated to real life, because the ideas still need to be concerned with real life and real times otherwise it'll be quite pointless. Yet this Harry Potter movie did not have messages that just glorifies the good over evil and paints them to be shining heroes. But the struggle of Harry Potter is shown, and that is more important I think! That's partly why I like Spiderman 2 as well, coz that's the movie where Spiderman starts to fall apart (haha! dun right away label me as sadistic leh) in a very real and human way, but well, he faced up to it didn't he? :D And I liked what I heard about how the concept of Spiderman 3, but too bad I didn't like the way the movie was played out.

The lines I remembered from this Harry Potter movie *SPOILER ALERT!* are about Harry confessing to Sirius Black that he didn't know whether he was turning to the dark side.. Coz he was getting involved with all the bad things, such as his battles with Voldemort.. He said he was becoming so full of anger, what with his constant troubles and nightmarish dreams of Voldemort.. Then Sirius told him that we all have both the good and the bad within us.. And it's not so important who we are, but it matters more who we are not.. Meaning, it matters more that we are not intentionally doing any evil.. Becoming capable of that already signifies all the temptation we have had to resist.. And as hard as that is already, it's a good enough effort then.. Yes, once again.. What matters is that we try.. Though we may not possibly be saints, we can at least try to always be above those who do silly acts to hurt others and such.. And every new day, we wake up and try again huh? ^-^ Oh and can tell the movie producers made an effort to put still more reality into this latest Harry Potter movie, with the scenes of Harry and gang flying on their broomsticks over modern cities.. Can't we have that instead of fighter jets on National Day?? Muahaha~

I'm off! And now I gotta go to sleep as per normal after all that cool tricks and entertainment the world of Harry Potter provided.

How cruel it is.

*lolx*

2007-07-10T15:10:00.000+08:00

This is a folder of fantastic pics!

http://www.esnips.com/web/ShPictures?docsPage=1

The song I'm streaming now actually goes well with this pic.. Hehe.. Know what I think of now? The rain in this pic sure looks good! I would like to get wet in this kind of shower! With the faint and pretty sunlight around.. Seems like great fun in the summer! :D Is this why some people love to use the term 'summer rain'?? Must feel pretty good!

2007-07-09T23:08:00.000+08:00

This website seems interesting and pretty hilarious! I just registered to be a member of this forum.. Haha.. Go there when you're bored or something.. Then explore the site.. It's sgcafe.com !

2007-07-04T23:39:00.001+08:00

Whoa! 1998 movie, "Great Expectations", can look so beautiful! You have to click on this link-- HERE. I wanna watch this badly now ^-^

I discovered another anime I've gotten to love, and I wanna recommend it! It's 'Full Metal Panic'! You could try watching sometime! The one I watched is 'Full Metal Panic Fumoffu', haha.. Funny.. They have a few different series

2007-07-02T14:25:00.000+08:00

Check out the post(s) below! I saved them as drafts before this, and am publishing them only now! Extracts to share once again =]

Dang, I'm so dying to watch 'Artificial Intelligence' again! I've never gotten round to finish watching the movie, and I can't find it on the net now! Oh well.. Just wanted to put up this link now.. A YouTube fan video of Artificial Intelligence.. Nice song! And I can't find the song online either.. Ah well.. Click HERE to check out the vid and song

2007-06-27T14:34:00.001+08:00

The following extracts are from this book called 'The Plague' by Albert Camus! I've been wanting to share this! The book is a good read, especially the later parts of it.. I'll share the extracts in two posts, I think.. This is the first of the two.. I think I'm gonna have a second post in which I'll separately share this one paragraph from the book.. Coz I probably will have a couple of thoughts on it.. So might be a longer post.. Aiyah, read this first of the two posts first.. If you care! XP And if you don't care, there's something wrong with you. Lolz. Wake up and start living instead of existing. This sounds like something from Fight Club =P

-----

"Public welfare is merely the sum-total of the private welfares of each of us."

-----

"Afterall," the doctor repeated, then hesitated again, fixing his eyes on Tarrou, "it's something that a man of your sort can understand most likely, but, since the order of the world is shaped by death, mightn't it be better for God if we refuse to believe in Him, and struggle with all our might against death, without raising our eyes towards the heaven where He sits in silence?"

Tarrou nodded.

"Yes. But your victories will never be lasting; that's all."

The doctor's face darkened.

"Yes, I know that. But it's no reason for giving up the struggle."

**Thoughts**

Yeah.. This extract has said what I've roughly thought about before.. The line "since the order of the world is shaped by death".. Yeah, we are all aware that our life in this world has a final destination.. That leads me to wonder, if we all are to leave this world someday, why are put in this world in the first place? Surely God has something he wants to achieved by giving us life? Or else, surely something must be achieved anyway.. God's existence can never really be confirmed by any living being.. That's that.. It's not that I don't wish to believe in God.. There can be no confirmation.. And yet, inside me, I still wanna try holding on to the 'pure' belief that a God is looking after me.. Yeah..

Oh, I haven't gotten to my point with regards to the quoted extract. Continuing what I said about how God surely must want to achieve something by giving us life.. Then I think, maybe he -doesn't- want us to be so reliant on him! Maybe he -doesn't- want us to expect miracles! Yepz.. Like the extract says, "mightn't it be better for God...without raising our eyes towards the Heavens".. And then, he might even be more proud too, if we struggled with our own strength to cope with life.. The line "the heaven where he sits in silence" suggests it.. He's watching when you struggle with life.. He knows and (it'll be wonderful to know) he cares.. And I agree with this extract! Live your life well! Hopefully there's a fatherly figure up there who'll be proud.. Or something.. Haha..

I wonder at some congregations.. Is life just about praising God? Did God put us in this world just to praise Him? Wouldn't that be making Him out to be egoistic? Lol.. Can you imagine an egoistic God.. I'll like to think God is nothing like that.. Sometimes I hear talk about God being able to condemn bad people.. Know far-fetched cases like how people use this to rationalize the tsunami? The tsunami coming about because God is angry with the world? This book 'The Plague' also has a priest exclaiming that the plague has come about coz God is angry that the people in that particular town have gotten detached from him.. It doesn't make sense! And worse is, we sometimes don't even sense it when we don't make sense.. Yeah, I just said it to point out that the worst thing that can happen is that one is ignorant of one's ignorance.. Haha, I'm talking complicated again.. -Ignore- me then! Lolz..

Back to previously, it's scary hearing about how God can condemn so harshly.. Can't one think that one's God is forgiving and loving instead? But of course, we should be responsible for our own actions.. Don't push it.. Haha.. But yah, I'll like to stick to the idea that God is forgiving and loving towards us.. All that talk of condemnation and storms as punishment is too scary.. (Oh dear, it's -recorded- in the bible even! what with the swarm of locusts God sent, the bloody river waters, the frogs.. yeah, I remember frogs in a bible story.. hmm why frogs ah? can't remember, lol) How can a storm come about because God is angry? What about some good people caught in the storm? Should I have been one of them, would I have done anything which is so bad that I deserve to be caught in a tsunami? X) I am seriously puzzled by the above thinking.. And writings in the bible somemore.. I'm sorry for saying this.. But I can't help it.. Bible stories, I've read in my childhood.. In my mind, it's almost like fiction to me.. How could I have a proper understanding of what I read in my childhood.. Can you yourself imagine all that happened in the bible? Let me just point out for a moment here that the bible was written by men.. I'm not being anti Christian belief here.. Nonono.. I'm someone who likes the sound of the word 'belief' itself ok.. Haha I'm crapping.. But back to being serious, sorry but I really have no way of confirming the historical events that are stated in the bible.. I can't imagine them realistically..

Oh and, a curious random thought came to me minutes ago.. I was about to type that all the talk about condemnations and storms as punishment sound of hell instead of heaven.. Very unlike God.. And then I thought, what if God does allow some of those condemnations and storms because life on earth is obviously not going to be a bed of roses, and precisely because he needs to consider there is the existence of not just heaven, but hell too?? So he allows some 'hell on earth'.. But problem is, it's not just the bad people who get it... And then I thought, what if hell exists because God also somewhat allowed it? What if hell could just be a sort of balance for heaven? We have life-and-death on earth.. So, there actually -must- exist both heaven-and-hell! And we all think of hell is such a horrendously scary way.. Sure, I'm afraid it's gonna be scary too.. But I sure would like to think that kind of place is for the truly bad criminals.. Who are evil, in essence.. Haha, weird way of describing, I know.. And even that can be arguable.. As in, there are books that argue whether anyone could be born evil or something.. But I won't go into that! Not gonna kill both you and me, haha.. But having the idea of heaven and hell being a balance is a first for me.. It never came to mind until just now.. Hehz.. But now I recall it's not that much of an original idea too! Neil Gaiman has a graphic novel with a plot that suggests that God allowed the devil to quit being an angel, and create hell.. And it's such that God arranged for the devil to come across Him executing an action of some injustice.. Then Neil Gaiman had a follow-up drawing of the devil crying the first tears.. Then, the devil left God and went away to create hell.. What a perverted story idea.

I LOVE IT. Hahaha

**My thoughts end here. On with the extracts!*

-----

However, it's not the narrator's intention to ascribe to these sanitary groups more importance than their due. Doubtless to-day many of our fellow-citizens are apt to yield to the temptation of exaggerating the services they rendered. But the narrator is inclined to think that by attributing over-importance to praiseworthy actions one may, by implication, be paying indirect but potent homage to the worst side of human nature. For this attitude implies that such actions shine out as rare exceptions, while callousness and apathy are the general rule. The narrator does not share that view. The evil that is in the world always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. On the whole men are more good than bad; that, however, isn't the real point. But they are more or less ignorant, and it is this that we call vice or virtue; the most incorrigible vice being that of an ignorance which fancies it knows everything... There can be no true goodness nor true love without the utmost clear-sightedness.

-----

For those of our townsfolk who risked their lives in this predicament the issue was not whether or not plague was in their midst (but) whether or not they must fight against it... To fight the plague. There was nothing admirable about this attitude; it was merely logical.

-----

The habit of despair is worse than despair itself.

-----

It's a wearying business, being plague-stricken. But it's still more wearying to refuse to be it. That's why everybody is the world to-day looks so tired; everyone is more or less sick of plague. But that is also why some of us, those who want to get the plague out of their systems, feel such desperate weariness, a weariness from which nothing remains to set us free, except death.

**Thoughts** I enjoyed reading this book because of the double references the author has made with many of the sentences he makes =) Coz you see, weariness in life sometimes make death seem like something which could relieve one.. Also, in the case of this plague, death really can make one free of the plague

This author is brilliant; I wish he was my uncle. Lol, I've also wished that Tim Burton was my unofficial granddad or something, so he can read me his imaginative stories before my bedtime :P

-----

"Can one be a saint without God?"
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"But, you know, I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with the saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. What interests me is - being a man."

-----

There was no room in any heart but for a very old, grey hope, that hope which keeps men from letting themselves drift into death and is nothing but a dogged will to live.

-----

A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart.

-----

"Too long! It's lasted too long. All the time one's wanting to let oneself go, and then one day one has to... I know I look a quiet sort, just like anybody else. But it's always been a terrible effort - only to be... just normal. And now, well even that's too much for me."

-----

Destruction is an earlier, speedier process than reconstruction.

-----

With the first week of February an unusually persistent spell of very cold weather settled in and seemed to crystallize over the town. Yet never before had the sky been so blue; day after day its icy radiance flooded the town with brilliant light, and in the frost-cleansed air the epidemic seemed to lose its virulence, and in each of three consecutive weeks a big drop in the death-roll was announced... The disease seemed to be leaving as unaccountably as it had come.

**Thoughts* Double references again.. All really bad happenings come and go as unexpectedly.. It's probably such a bad hit because one did not expect it anyhow.. But it's these really bad happenings, which could turn our lives upside down, that lead us to think of how we could start anew and live our lives -proper-.. Quote from 'Fight Club': "It's only when you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything"

-----

The plague was at best a negative solace, with no immediate impact on men's lives. Still, had anyone been told a month earlier that a train had just left or a boat put in, or that cars were allowed on the streets again, the news would have been received with looks of incredulity; whereas in mid-January an announcement of this kind would have caused no surprise. The change, no doubt, was slight. Yet, however slight, it proved what a vast forward stride our townsfolk had made in the way of hope. And indeed it could be said that once the faintest stirring of hope became possible, the dominion of the plague was ended.

**Thoughts** Yes, yes. 'Faintest stirring of hope'. The awakening. First you have to get yourself to be awake, then you can go on and do other important things.. Wake up ah, wake up! Wake up first, then you will have a good idea what should come next

... -_-"

2007-06-26T23:21:00.000+08:00

Hmm Bon Jovi's new album "Lost Highway" is pretty good! I've never listened to an entire album of his before previously, but have liked two or three of his songs from here and there.. But seems like he is not bad at all =)

2007-06-20T12:20:00.001+08:00

Took some posts away coz I only intended to have them on this blog for a while.. I've saved them in the pre-posting section of this blog, as drafts.. It's partly just for my own reference that I write anyway ^.^"

2007-06-11T22:25:00.001+08:00

These 2 videos are funny!! You know 'Tickle Me Elmo' don't you? But this is just the opposite of it! Click HERE to see how a 'Tickle Me Emo' will be like! XD

And this Mad TV parody is damn funny too! It parodies korean dramas! Watch how it pokes fun at the tragedy in korean dramas.. Lolz.. If you're not too familiar with korean dramas, maybe you won't find it completely funny.. It's especially funny to me when they keep saying the word 'uue?', which means 'why?'.. That's a funny way of spelling it, but I don't know how :P In korean dramas, lovers demand for explanations for their being betrayed or sth with pained expressions, using that word.. There's also sth directed at characters in korean dramas dying melodramatically due to their chronic diseases, and at the plot of lovers who discover themselves to be long-lost siblings.. Funny lar! ^o^ But I'll only provide part 2 here.. I can't find part 1.. And to me, part 2 is funnier as compared to the rest.. Click HERE to watch

Oh and, one bit of part 2 is directed at how long winded the tragic stories in korean dramas can be.. You'll find it funny if you know what I'm referring to ^^

2007-06-11T17:32:00.001+08:00

"Loneliness is a universal language."

- Quoted by local independent film director, Royston Tan (with regards to his movie 4:30)

2007-06-10T14:51:00.000+08:00

The music studio 'X-Ray Dog' has many more tunes, and you could check out this particular one called 'Young Punks'.. A very lively rocking tune! And also this other one called 'Lil Mission'.. Comparable with the well-known tune of 'Mission Impossible'! I won't provide the links of the songs I stream anymore yeah? By now, you should know where I get my songs from right.. Haha.. Ok, that's all now!

2007-06-09T01:41:00.000+08:00

"I thrive on the seeming purity and astonishing clear headedness provided by icy climes."

This is quoted from a fashion blog.. And I agree! I loved Japan's weather when I was holidaying there in December last year.. Need I say what I think about Singapore's weather? It's bloody lot hotter these days.. Scary to think of how global warming's effect can be so direct.. Hooray, the world's gonna end.. Haha.. So what are we gonna do about it? *Linkin Park's 'In The End' starts to play* 'And in the end, it doesn't even matter'... Lolz..

Anyway, the idea of the world coming to an end makes me realize that I don't think I've watched, or known of a movie which shows what everybody in the world will do if the world were to end on that one day.. But I've read a story about that before.. It's in this collection of thriller stories, and the book is entitled 'Duel'.. The story 'Duel' was made into a film itself some time back.. And as for the story about the day on which the world would end, it fascinated me the first time I read it.. I read it some years ago.. And the reason I think it is fascinating, is not because I'm sadistic yeah.. But it's because I had never read such a story before.. And let me tell you briefly about it: The people in the story were taking different decisions on how they should lead the last days of their lives. There was this group of people who gathered in an apartment, and had sex with one another, exchanging partners in doing so. 'Whoa' huh.. People were -randomly- shooting each other on the streets too.. And there was a character in the story who went home, though he hadn't gone back home for some time, I think.. And his elder sister and her own family took sleeping pills, I think.. It's not supposed to be just a sick and depressing story though.. They took the pills in a calm state of mind, it was their decision to just go that way.. And then, there was the mother of the main character who just went out on to the house porch to sit.. And she just watched the blazing, gigantic sun in the sky.. That's the indication of the world coming to an end.. And what the main character did was to step out onto the porch to sit beside his mother.. A rare story..

Maybe movies should explore the human things and other not-so-human things that we humans will do if the world were to end on a particular day.. And not just show all the incredible things to be the cause of the world's end.. And I'm not talking about those perfectly realistic and relevant issues like environmental problems.. I'm talking about seeing aliens coming to destroy earth in movies.. Take for example, Independence Day..

But! I can't wait to watch 'Transformers'! Haha.. It's by the director of 'Pearl Harbour', Michael Bay.. 'Pearl Harbour' has made me quite a fan of Michael Bay.. And the special effects in 'Transformers' look impressive, from what I've seen in the trailer.. It must have taken some work to have those robots' transformations look like that! They look complicated, and the detail is really quite a sight..

Such a movie is acceptable to me, coz I'm more interested in robots.. Machines.. I feel it's relevant.. We're in the modern era.. And technology reigns.. I've always been much interested in things like artificial intelligence.. Sounds cool right? Haha.. I also like the idea of Machine-Vs-Man.. Contrasting subjects always attract me somehow.. But the idea is interesting in itself.. Machine-Vs-Man.. Like, cold hard steel versus the flesh of mankind.. And I wonder if man is really as tender-hearted as he is supposed to be in comparison with a robot.. But, consider movies like 'Artificial Intelligence'.. I never gotten round to actually finish watching the movie yet.. But the boy robot, as acted by Haley Joel Osment, makes a lovely child in the movie.. If a robot can learn to love, robot really win liao lor.. Ahaha..

But I don't think our generation is the time we can witness the big futuristic changes.. No glass cities, with modes of transport weaving in and out among the curvy glass buildings.. But of course, to do away with natural greenery would be a bad thing.. But I wish I could see the futuristic world with my own eyes! Will futuristic landscape be as cool and sleek as we imagine? But of course, it's gonna present problems of its own era.. And somemore, there's the general idea that the world today is constantly deteoriating.. Wahaha.. :P

Oh, I wanted to add that monsters are not half as bad as aliens.. Think of movies like 'Van Helsing'.. Goth like that is in a league of its own, and such visuals are mystifying, as well as beautiful in its own grotesque way.. Goth is grotesqueness with a history.. Which can make quite amazing visuals.. It's fantasy.. I sometimes go for historical fantasy, and other times go for futuristic stuff.. But just how can I make a case for aliens? With goo dripping from their mouths, and their meaningless deformed bodies? Lolx.. Well ok, E.T. is cute.. Haha.. Aiya, after all this talk, I'm just excited to watch 'Transformers'! Ok, Goodbye! Till next time

2007-06-07T19:15:00.001+08:00

I'm about to finish reading this book by this Russian writer, Ayn Rand, and I must say that I think she's gonna be one of my favourite writers! I won't elaborate now, but as usual, I wanna post some extracts which are interesting to me.. The extracts will be quite random, with no head or tail, but what the heck..X)

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[A highly regarded writer giving a famous but arrogant actress, Claire Nash, a harsh point of view]

(Arrogant actress says) "They think that to be a star means nothing at all!"
(Writer says) "Precisely, Miss Nash. It means nothing at all."
Claire spilled her drink on her blue satin dress without noticing it. "You're saying that to me?" she breathed.
"...I believe that screen actresses are not great artists, rare talents, exceptions. They are not one in a thousand, they are just one out of the thousand, chosen by..."
"By?"
"...chance."

** Thoughts ** Yeah, this caused me to think of how it is possible that one really does have some talent.. And one can really succeed if given the chance.. But does that make oneself the only one who deserves the chance? Any other person could be just as talented and deserving.. So maybe all of us should learn to not just be all bitter about it when we don't get our lucky break.. We must realize that we are not the only ones trying to make something of our lives in this world..

-----

They are fools, Claire thought, sitting in her hotel room, all of them just blind, lazy fools. It was their job to find talent, yet they did not see it, because... because it seemed that they didn't give a damn. Who had said that to her before, so long ago? Then she remembered who had said it, and the cold, mocking eyes of the speaker, and she jumped to her feet with a new determination; a new determination and a brand-new feeling of loneliness.

-----

Ayn Rand's views:

'I believe - and I want to gather all the facts to illustrate this - that the worst curse on mankind is the ability to consider ideals as something quite abstract and detached from one's everyday life. The ability of living and thinking quite differently, in other words eliminating thinking from your actual life. This applied not to deliberate and conscious hypocrites, but to those more dangerous and hopeless ones who, alone with themselves and to themselves, tolerate a complete break between their convictions and their lives, and still believe that they have convictions. To them - either their ideals or their lives are worthless - and usually both.'

-----

[A letter to a passionate actress]

'Dear Miss Gonda,

I am not a regular movie fan, but I have never missed a picture of yours. There is something about you which I can't give a name to, something I had and lost, but I feel as if you're keeping it for me, for all of us. I had it long ago, when I was very young. You know how it is: when you're very young, there's something ahead of you, so big that you're afraid of it, but you wait for it and you're so happy waiting. Then the years pass and it never comes. And then you find, one day, that you're not waiting any longer. It seems foolish, because you didn't even know what it was you were waiting for. I look at myself and I don't know. But when I look at you--I do.

And if ever, by some miracle, you were to enter my life, I'd drop everything, and follow you, and gladly lay down my life for you, because, you see, I'm still a human being.'

-----

[Conversation between husband and wife]

'Wife': And a mayonnaise mixer. And an electric washing machine. And it's about time to be thinking about a new car, too. The old one's a sight. And...

'Husband': Look, you don't understand. I don't want anything that we need.

'Wife': What?

'Husband': I want something I don't need at all.

'Wife': George Perkins! Have you been drinking?

-----

"You see, I'm not unhappy at all. In fact, I'm a very happy man--as happiness goes. Only there is something in me that knows of a life I've never lived, the kind of life noone has ever lived, but should."

"You know it? Why don't you live it?"

"Who does? Who can? Who ever gets a chance at the... the very best possible to him? We all bargain. We take the second best. That's all there is to be had. But the...the God in us, it knows the other... the very best... which never comes."

"And... if it came?"

"We'd grab it--because there is a God in us."

-----

[Conversation between two lovers]

"...We'll start from scratch, from the beginning of the world--our world."

"You're not afraid?"

(smiling softly) "I'm terribly afraid. I've never been happy before."

-----

Well! This post didn't turn out to be as long as I thought it would be.. Didn't include all the extracts that I singled out.. Well, I'm gonna stop blogging now anyhow.. Spent quite a bit of time on the com already.. I'm off to do other stuff! You may wanna check out Ayn Rand's writings yeah?

2007-06-05T03:19:00.000+08:00

I stream a few more of these orchestral tracks.. These are produced by a studio called 'X-Ray Dog'.. I'll quote the following just for your information! But it IS interesting what this studio does!

"X-Ray Dog is a music studio based in Burbank, California.X-Ray Dog primarily produces high-end orchestral and choral music for movie and TV trailers. Their music is generally not available to consumers, as they market directly to movie studios. This one sounds friendly compared to most of their other themes."

2007-06-03T15:50:00.000+08:00

" Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned "

- First lines of movie, Fight Club

2007-06-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

The actress in Fight Club, Helena Bonham Carter, is the wife of Tim Burton! Muahahaha~ XD

2007-06-02T22:14:00.001+08:00

I just watched the movie 'Fight Club', and it's gotta be one of my favourite movies! My saying this really means quite a lot.. I seriously like it! Love the visuals.. I love visuals just like in the movie.. How can I describe it.. Looks gritty and all.. And in Fight Club, the settings are not only gritty, but have pretty vivid colours too.. And that suits me just fine..=D And the cast's acting is superb.. I like Brad Pitt in his role here best.. All along, I have liked Leonardo Dicarprio better.. Haha.. But Brad Pitt is intense in this movie! Haha! Edward Norton's acting is just as fantastic.. And the female lead too is incredibly defiant yet alluring.. The movie's plot is adapted from the book written by Chuck Palaniuk.. And the idea is quite a stroke of genius! Shocking movie.. But I think I've said before that I like things like that.. Things that jolt a person.. They make me feel so much more alive.. They stimulate me even.. I like to be stimulated first, then I can do some real thinking.. Haha.. And I realize that there may not be much in life that is stimulating in that way.. But I accept that nothing is ever easy.. I can just try.. The bottom line needs to be so always.. It'll be bad if there comes a day when we just don't bother to try..

Yet, I briefly considered a conflicting thought the other day.. When it comes to something I just -know- I can't do very well, for instance a restrictive exam, I briefly thought the other day that perhaps I just shouldn't try at all.. And it wouldn't be such that I gave up.. But it just wouldn't be worth it.. I might will myself to do it, but it wouldn't have a fantastic result.. So why just work at something, to turn out to be average? Could there be something else you could turn out to be wonderful at? Or, is it actually wrong to ask, could there be something else you could be happy doing? But God knows that I have made myself study for the 'A' Levels.. And God knows that I'm actually appealing to go on to the next stage along the education path now - university, of course.. I am uncertain of myself if I were to not enter university.. I am uncertain of myself even if I were to enter university.. Who can help us to just be ourselves, and still proceed fearlessly? It'll be impressive to achieve that.. Can one be a happy individual, free of the shackles placed on oneself by society?

Ok, I'm going off soon to do other stuff! Gonna take a break away from the com.. But I love Fight Club's plot, I tell you!!! Lolx.. Also has a very open-minded kind of philosophy.. And that, combined with the stylish looks of the movie, makes it a fine movie..^_^ It's a pretty vulgar and violent movie.. But how different! The violence is not for the sake of it.. The violence also expresses some sort of release.. Which is one other idea I always like to explore..

Yet, I'm not an all that open person sia.. There are kinds of people you just won't be able to talk to.. That shouldn't make one be seen as unsociable.. But it often can.. And this can get tiring.. And yet, again, must still try.. One may think one does not deserve this.. One may even think one deserves -better-.. And then there are other times when I doubt this too.. Haha.. My looking on both sides of things will never end.. There are other times when one doubts if one does deserve -better-.. Because what is 'better'? Where can we find a 'better' place than where we are currently? This reminds me of a short story I read in the book 'Moral Disorder' by Margaret Atwood.. It's entitled 'The Other Place', and roughly is about an alternate place the protagonist is always dreaming about, but the idea is that the lovely alternate place in the protagonist's dreams will always be a mere imagination.. Like there is no such place.. One is just giving oneself hope of a 'better' place other than where we always find ourselves to have ended up.. Sheesh huh? Depressing, depressing.. Another idea along the same line is what I have extracted from Kurt Vonnegurt's book.. That there are no 'good old days', but there are just days.. Well.. Live with it, you know? Haha.. I like wordplay too..

Oh, to end off, since I like the style of Fight Club, I think I'm gonna like the director too.. Gotta learn more about him and his works! The director is David Fincher.. 'Zodiac' is a thriller showing in theatres now, and it's directed by him too! I think I wanna catch that.. The Life! newspaper report on 'Zodiac' reminded me that I've been wanting to watch 'Fight Club'.. And 'Fight Club' reminds me that I've been wanting to watch 'Pulp Fiction'.. Hehe.. And wonder if 'Sin City' is worth checking out? And I haven't seen the 'Saw' series too.. Ahaha.. Oh but I think I'll be more interested to watch 'Natural Born Killers'! Since I've read the screenplay.. Intriguing screenplay.. But isn't it an old movie? Oh, Wikipedia says it's a 1994 movie.. But not like it's gonna be easy to find it.. And I'm gonna start ranting against overrated new, hot movies again.. Haha.. Coz it's easy to watch those (and they have far too much hype that it's irritating), but difficult to watch good movies which are just a few years old.. Chuck Palaniuk might be an author worth checking out too! Ok, my post ends here!

Here's an interesting picture!

The guy here is Edward Norton.. He's sleek in the movie

2007-05-30T01:41:00.000+08:00

"Better Days" song location @
http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/7196ba7b-fa73-4049-abab-9900afb44dba/?id=1180460447140

2007-05-30T00:40:00.000+08:00

Vic Chou's drama "Silence" looks fantastic! Haha.. It's an old drama, but I just saw videos of it.. And the drama actually looks pretty.. It's roughly a sad love story, and the scenes sure look pretty.. And I thought I could only say that of movies.. But I'm saying this of a drama.. So, it should be not bad yarh? Hehe.. I haven't gotten to watch "Air Gear", hope I can find this drama on YouTube.. Vic Chou looks absolutely stunning in this drama! Haha.. He has been my favourite out of F4 all along anyway.. Although I have never idolized F4 ever.. :P Happened to watch a clip of Zai Zai (lol, his pet name!) in a variety show, and it was recorded like years ago.. He seemed kind and carefree then.. His good humour also came naturally.. Seemed naive even.. Then another clip came up, and it was him in the same variety show, but this was more recent.. A few years late.. And gosh.. Made me realize how people do change over time.. He wasn't carefree like in the variety show years before.. Spoke a lot less freely.. They were asking him about his new girlfriend then anyway.. So I suppose he had to be careful about what he revealed.. But I somehow feel that the entertainment scene must have changed him generally.. It's kinda sad to not hear him crack jokes freely.. I had liked how his character appeared to be in the older recording of the variety show.. Makes people feel at ease.. He could have been one of the potential idols on my list! Lol.. But at that time, I think I had been looking out for 5566 more than F4.. But I was indeed much partial to Zai Zai then.. Ahaha.. And his image in "Silence" is completely the type of guy to dream about! Woooooooooo........... *lol* Maybe I'll put up a video for you to preview it soon

I haven't been blogging for some days coz I've been thinking how to go about the uni thing and all.. So much time on the net has been lost.. I'm off now!
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Ok, I've watched some trailers of the drama! Here they are...

Trailer 1
Trailer 2

The plot is common lar.. But their acting is so emo in this drama that I'm willing to give this drama a chance.. Haha.. And as I said, the filming looks pretty good.. Plus Zai Zai's acting here has captivated me.. Muahaha

And watching this can improve my chinese! =P

2007-05-26T00:10:00.001+08:00

This song is from the next great anime I have discovered !!! At least I think it's gonna be great.. It's called "Air Gear", but currently I haven't found a good means to watch it on the net leh.. The chorus of this song is not bad for giving off the feel of flying! I love this kind of thing! The adrenalin rush that one gets on rushing forward, and then, taking flight.. Awesome! I will stream a piece of music entitled 'Free Flight' following this.. It has a great feel too.. The art of "Air Gear" looks pretty good.. And the pace and all seems suitable for my liking..^^ I hope I find a way to watch it! "Air Gear" has a little bit of a futuristic feel.. With youngsters who can actually make the skies their playground or something, coz I saw images and short videos from the anime which show those youngsters making fancy turns and all in the air, with what resembled roller skates on their feet but those things must be gliders or something.. Looks cool! I want that kind of style and speed in my anime.. :P Ok, I'm off!

Oh wait, here! Have a look!

"Chain" song location @
http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/0030b139-7f92-47c1-ba95-3ea4861cd05c/?id=1180109609071

2007-05-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

"Welcome To Wherever You Are" song location @

http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/7346edec-ee7c-4613-8831-e7e4f1fdfdbb/?id=1180109515379

2007-05-24T01:29:00.000+08:00

Damn. Received letters from all 3 universities already, and they were all rejection letters.. It's fine.. I take it in my stride.. I had told myself as early as a few months ago that I should not hold on to the false belief that a local university will definitely take me in.. And I did not.. Because I wanted to be honest with myself.. Holding onto such a belief may be deemed as 'hope' to others.. But it's my own character that made me see it differently.. Instead, I did not want to intentionally keep myself in the dark.. In some other instances, perhaps I'll like to try to cling onto some hope.. But not in this case..

Other than wanting to be honest with myself, I had not held onto expectations of getting accepted into a local uni perhaps also because I did not envision the whole uni path thingy to be lined with beautiful flowers, butterflies dancing around and all that.. It's a funny metaphor to use, but it just came into my mind.. So what I mean is just that I don't feel like I could embrace every bit about each of the local universities.. Not that I wouldn't grab the chance to enter the uni(s) (one's life is supposed to be easier so long as one can enter a uni! just like that! yah right, I really don't know what to believe actually. but anyway, back to my saying life is supposed to be easier after getting a uni degree, so why shouldn't I not want to enter a local uni right?)..

But this mention of -local- uni leads me to want to talk a bit about -foreign- uni.. Go to foreign uni may actually be better than a local one.. I'm not being purely biased against local education here, as you may think (and not totally without good reason).. But for this point here, I'm not being purely biased.. Because foreign uni may indeed be better, depending on individual needs.. More so if one wishes to explore opportunities in other countries.. But then comes the problem of money.. Studying overseas is costly.. My dad -may- be be willing and able to pay for me, but moving overseas itself is a problem too.. Parents will always view their kids as kids, and so, how will my dad feel assured that he can let me go? And I also wonder if I myself can cope.. Being BORN in Singapore from the very start actually becomes a problem.. Haha.. In this case, geographical boundaries is a problem, isn't it? Basic things like that can also become a problem.. Sometimes, life's limitations can be laughable.. Also, life's problems are often narrow-minded, in a sense.. Petty even.. It's up to oneself to look beyond their possible ridiculousness, and make the effort to undermine some of the limitations.. One can never eliminate them.. But one can try to undermine them..

Oh and, I haven't finished making my point with the line I said about not feeling I could embrace every bit about each of the local uni(s).. Not yet anyway.. I'm entitled to my doubts right.. Can't expect me to feel so jolly about entering a uni straightaway after graduating from a JC (Take Millennia as a type of JC in the context of my argument yeah).. What I mean is.. Again, I'm gonna mention about the 'smooth sailing life' or at least 'smooth sailing education path' elite students and all have been having.. I have talked over this with a friend once or twice before.. By 'smooth sailing education path', I refer to students who have gone into a good secondary school, then on to a good JC, then onto a good uni.. Even before taking the 'A' levels to qualify for uni, one can tell the student WILL get into uni.. That's how smooth their education path is.. But I'm not against such students or something.. No jealously on my part.. No sireee.. I hope my arguments here never contain any childishness like that.. I 'argue' about all this now also because I just have a need to talk now, fire away.. I had been fired up by news like the letters from the uni(s), news of University of New South Wales in Singapore closing too.. I'll come to that later..

So yeah, students who have a smooth educational path like that, I am not one of them anyway.. It's kinda unbelievable for those who manage to have such a smooth educational path for themselves.. Of course they deserve it though.. Their grades got them into the good schools, that I know.. But it still is unbelievable.. I guess, you have to have a sort of knack for the system.. Either you do well all the way in it, or you don't. And that's why stories in the papers about an 'N' level student who scores exceptionally well and gets into a JC are still rare.. But the newspapers have been reporting that neighbourhood school students are doing better right.. That might be good.. But back to the point, I am not one of those students who has a smooth educational path.. So how am I supposed to embrace the idea of uni right after finishing my pre-uni education? My place in uni is not even secure, far from being secure too! Time for uncertainties abound again.. Why should one feel uncertain about oneself for all these things always.. No wonder morale becomes a problem.. Morale in a school is important too, one can come to realize.. Wonder if neighbourhood schools have been doing better, coz the media and all tries not to emphasize on only the elite schools now? Like they haven't released school rankings in recent years right.. Or has the newspapers just been more actively looking for good scorers in neighbourhood schools? I wonder..

But talking about school morale, Millennia's morale is a no-no.. Bartley campus particularly.. And now our campus itself is going down to the ground too.. Haha.. Sigh.. But I am quite fond of our campus! I actually had a somewhat happier time, and a more eye-opening and worthwhile period of time in Millennia than in Dunman High..

Anyway, my brother had just said something cliched along the lines of "nowadays, don't have a degree how to survive?" He didn't mean for it to be a caustic comment, but sometimes I really think he should really find some other things to say.. Haiz.. Is his comment still presently very true? Ain't that crap! I always have the idea of studying 'just for a piece of paper'.. But I think of that to be cliched too.. So the arguments that I myself use, I also try not to have them be cliched.. But such a cliche.. Is it TRUE then? It's terrible for a cliche to be true.. If people disapprove of it, and talk about it until it sounds like a cliche.. Yet why is it still true? But now I'll look at the other side of things again, and acknowledge that the 'piece of paper' is proof of learning one has gained.. But, I'm not exactly being given a chance to show that the end is not what matters, but the process is what matters, yeah.. Before being able to try attending uni classes, I am already disqualified.. My score of CDD proves that I will not be able to do well in uni classes.. Isn't the CDD the grades for subjects taken in JC, and not uni? How can a little something prove everything?

And then, there is the news of UNSW closing the campus in Singapore.. Never heard of a campus being closed before due to lack of students signing up.. Furthermore it's a proper uni.. But in quite a few cases, I have been this 'lucky' one.. Unimaginable bad luck like this can befall on me.. Never heard before case of uni closing its campus can also happen.. Nevermind, I may be exaggerating.. But, UNSW could really have been an option! And now look.. Well, fine.. I can only stop all the unneccesary grumbling now (although this whole post has me grumbling ^^)..

But I just want to end off with saying that this can get quite tiring, you know? And you sometimes wonder if there's any point too.. I just want to confess that I've already had quite a number of uncertain waiting periods like these.. And even having to appeal too.. It's not a nice thing to do, you know? It can be considered as humiliating too.. Appealing into a particular school makes you feel like you have the status of merely, the one who 'cannot make it'.. But I have gone past that stage of feeling like that.. I thought so anyway.. Now I'm starting to wonder if such a feeling will come back.. But I wouldn't want to be like that anymore! Other people don't look up to oneself, it's still negligible.. Why would you want to look down on yourself? I was a wreck in Dunman High! A worm even! I may try to make it sound funny this way.. But, I certainly did not enjoy my time in secondary school, I can tell you that.. Well, I'll put it aside.. Now I'm 20 already.. I don't know how far I can make my confidence bring me..

I've already had quite a 'history' of appealing.. For PSLE, I did do pretty well.. Got into Dunman High, didn't I.. But guess what.. My mum suggested that I try entering RGS.. I missed the cutoff point by, I can't really remember, is it a mere one point? Or do I have my memories mixed up.. Maybe it was like, 5 points.. But that must have been all.. Maybe 10 points.. But no more.. My mother suggested appealing to RGS.. But I went to take a look around in Dunman High, and called home from there to tell my mum I think I wanted to just stick to Dunman High.. And then, my lower secondary years had actually been pretty much happy.. The two years after that were hell.. Me always feeling like shit.. The worse was.. I acted like so too.. I was soft-spoken, and cowardly in actions, and an ugly nerd and all that.. No kidding.. Only on some days, I felt good about myself, and was more active and vibrant.. I was a better scorer in English.. Nothing very much lar.. Dunman High was on other hand, chock-full of Chinese geniuses.. But I was still somewhat proud of my little ability to do English..

And till now, I still build on my grasp of English.. Love of the language is there.. Reading can save one from dying of boredom many a time.. Read too much is a no-no.. One has to get out there and take in some fresh air, get around and all.. But it certainly takes away some boredom.. So, like I've talked about in another previous blogpost, some of these things are inherent.. And I -know- that for these things, I -can- do well.. Everybody's different.. But again, not like I'm given a chance to strut my stuff.. So I will have to try to fight for it..

Then for the 'O' levels, I missed the cut-off point by a single point.. And again, I decided to just settle for Millennia.. I don't totally disapprove of the time I have spent in Millennia.. Millennia may not have given me the most assurity that I can enter a local uni, but I learnt quite a few other important things in Millennia.. But previously, my mum and dad had tried helping me to appeal.. Even got contact with MOE and all.. But I had just been in a daze then (still being the wreck I had been in Dunman High).. And didn't express to my parents then that it may not even be what I want.. And I got tired.. And I told my mum that Millennia would really also be fine.. Gave them so much trouble.. But my mum had never forced me.. And these are the things that should make me very mad about myself, when thinking about my mother.. But anyway my mother also said ok to my wish to just enter Millennia, just like how I had been allowed to just enter Dunman High (though definitely Dunman High is not as disappointing as Millennia)..

I gotta go sleep already.. All the tiring 'history' I had wanted to spill has been told.. I still got a little more to say.. Which is, encouragement to myself.. About what I'm going to do next, now that uni is a question.. I need to voice out resolve too, in hope that it can then work even more effectively.. But I gotta go now! And there, I have released a whole load of shit from my mind in this blogpost once again.. It's too long for words.. Haha.. How many of you out there can actually get from beginning to end, I wonder.. Haha.. See ya then

2007-05-20T15:16:00.000+08:00

Hi! It's been a while since I last blogged proper.. Changing the songs streamed on my blog is not considered blogging proper..^^ Now I wanna share some extracts from a non-fiction book entitled "A Man Without A Country", and it's written by Kurt Vonnegut.. This book got me interested enough to finish it almost in one go.. What's even better is that the words are of a bigger font, and have wide spaces between them! Hahaha.. Good for someone like me who's just beginning to increase my reading of non-fiction books.. This book doesn't try to get too deep so someone like me can understand, and is written in an interesting tone too..

Here's part of the sypnosis, so you can decide if you'll be interested to check out this book too =)

"A Man Without A Country is Kurt's Vonnegut's hilariously funny and razor-sharp look at life, art, politics, himself, and the condition of the soul of America today. ... an intimate and tender communication from one individual to his fellow Americans, sometimes joking, at other times despairing, always searching."

Good that it has views on America too.. I have been wanting to know more about what goes on in other countries.. Not that I read the main section of Straits Times though.. Hehe.. No interest to make me feel inclined to flip through leh..

And now, here are a number of interesting bits from this book!

-----

I wanted all
things to seem to
make some sense
so we could all be
happy, yes, instead
of tense. And I
made up lies, so
they all fit nice,
and I made this
sad world a
paradise.

-----

Human beings have had to guess about almost everything for the past million years or so. The leading characters in our history books have been our most enthralling, and sometimes our most terrifying guessers.

May I name two of them?

Aristotle and Hitler.

One good guesser and one bad one.

And the masses of humanity through the ages, feeling inadequately educated like we do now, and rightly so, have had little choice but to believe this guesser or that one.

... Crop failures, plagues, eruptions of volcanoes, babies being born dead - the guessers often gave us the illusion that bad luck and good luck were understandable and could somehow be dealt with intelligently and effectively. Without that illusion, we all might have surrendered long ago.

But the guessers, in fact, knew no more than the common people and sometimes less, even when, or especially when, they gave us the illusion that we were in control of our destinies.

... Loaded pistols are good for everyone except inmates in prisons or lunatic asylums.

That's correct.

Millions spent on public health are inflationary.

That's correct.

Billions spent on weapons will bring inflation down.

That's correct.

Dictatorships to the right are much closer to American ideals than dictatorships to the left.

That's correct.

The more hydrogen bomb warheads we have, all set to go off at a moment's notice, the safer humanity is and the better off the world will be that our grandchildren will inherit.

That's correct.

Industrial wastes, and especially those that are radioactive, hardly ever hurt anybody, so everybody should shut up about them.

That's correct.

Industries should be allowed to do whatever they want to do: Bribe, wreck the environment just a little, fix prices, screw dumb customers, put a stop to competition, and raid the Treasury when they go broke.

That's correct.

That's free enterprise.

And that's correct.

The poor have done something very wrong or they wouldn't be poor, so their children should pay the consequences.

That's correct.

The United States of America cannot be expected to look after its own people.

That's correct.

The free market will do that.

That's correct.

The free market is an automatic system of justice.

That's correct.

I'm kidding.

... What good is an education? The boisterous guessers are still in charge - the haters of information. And the guessers are almost all highly educated people. Think of that. They have had to throw away their educations, even Harvard or Yale educations.

If they didn't do that, there is no way their uninhibited guessing could go on and on and on. Please, don't you do that. But if you make use of the vast fund of knowledge now available to educated persons, you're going to be as lonesome as hell. The guessers outnumber you - and now I have to guess - about ten to one.

-----

In case you haven't noticed, as the result of a shameless rigged election in Florida, in which thousands of African Americans were arbitrarily disenfranchised, we now present ourselves to the rest of the world as proud, grinning, jut-jawed, pitiless war lovers with appallingly powerful weaponry - who stand unopposed.

In case you haven't noticed, we are now as feared and hated all over the world as the Nazis once were.

And with good reason.

... In case you haven't noticed, we also dehumanize our own soldiers, not because of their religion or race, but because of their low social class.

Send 'em anywhere. Make 'em do anything.

Piece of cake.

-----

... Ignaz Semmelweiz also believed that germs could cause diseases. ...He observed hospital routines, and began to suspect that doctors were bringing infection to the patients. He noticed that doctors often went directly from dissecting corpses in the morgue to examining mothers in the maternity ward. He suggested as an experiment that the doctors wash their hands before touching the mothers.

What could be more insulting? How dare he make such a suggestion to his social superiors? He was a nobody, he realized. But all that dying went on and on, and Semmelweis, having far less sense about how to get along with others in this world than you and I would have, kept on asking his colleagues to wash their hands.

They at last agreed to do this in a spirit of lampoonery, of satire, or scorn. How they must have lathered and lathered and scrubbed and scrubbed and cleaned under their fingernails.

The dying stopped - imagine that! The dying stopped. He saved all those lives.

... What thanks did Semmelweis get from the leaders of his profession in Viennese society, guessers all? He was forced out of the hospital and out of Austria itself, whose people he had served so well. He finished his career in a provincial hospital in Hungary. There he gave up on humanity - which is us, and our information-age knowledge, - and on himself.

One day, in the dissecting room, he took the blade of a scalpel with which he had been cutting up a corpse, and he struck it on purpose into the palm of his hand. He died, as he knew he would, of blood poisoning soon afterward.

The guessers had had all the power. They had won again. Germs indeed. The guessers revealed something else about themselves, too, which we should duly note today. They aren't really interested in saving lives. What matters to them is being listened to - as, however ignorantly, their guessing goes on and on and on. If there's anything they hate, it's a wise human.

So be one anyway. Save our lives and your lives, too. Be honourable.

-----

...Psychopathic personalities, or PPs, the medical term for smart, personable people who have no consciences.

To say somebody is a PP is to make a perfectly respectable diagnosis, like saying he or she has appendicitis or athlete's foot. The classic medial text on PPs is The Mask of Sanity by Dr Hervey Cleckley, a clincal professor of psychiatry at the Medical College of Georgia, and published in 1941. Read it!

...PPs are presentable, they know full well the suffering their actions may cause others, but they do not care. They cannot care because they are nuts. They have a screw loose!

...So many of these heartless PPs now hold big jobs in our federal government, as though they were leaders instead of sick. ...

They might have felt that taking our country into an endless war was simply something decisive to do. What has allowed so many PPs to rise so high in corporations, and now in government, is that they are so decisive. They are going to do something every fuckin' day and they are not afraid. Unlike normal people, they are never filled with doubts, for the simple reason that they don't give a fuck what happens next. Simply can't. Do this! Do that! Mobilize the reserves! Privatize the public schools! Attack Iraq! Cut health care! Tap everybody's telephone! Cut taxes on the rich! Build a trillion-dollar missile shield! ...

-----

The title of Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 is a parody of the title of Ray Bradbury's great science-fiction novel Fahrenheit 451. Four hundred and fifty-one degrees Fahrenheit is the combustion point, of which books are composed. The hero of Bradbury's novel is a municipal worker whose job is burning books.

While on the subject of burning books, I want to congratulate librarians, not famous for their physical strength, their powerful political connections or great wealth, who, all over this country, have stauchly resisted anti-democratic bullies who have tried to remove certain books from their shelves, and destroyed records rather than have to reveal to thought police the names of persons who have checked out those titles.

So the America I loved still exists, if not in the White House, the Supreme Court, the Senate, the House of Representatives, or the media. The America I loved still exists at the front desks of our public libraries.

And still on the subject of books: Our daily news sources, newspapers and TV, are now so craven, so unvigilant on behalf of the American people, so uninformative, that only is books do we learn what's really going on.

I will cite an example: House of Bush, House of Sand by Craig Unger, published in early 2004, that humiliating, shameful, blood-soaked year.

-----

But... what made being alive almost worthwhile for me, besides music, was all the saints I met, who could be anywhere. By saints I meant people who behaved decently in a strikingly indecent society.

-----

A man from Sans Francisco put it in a letter to me:

"How can the American public be so stupid? People still believe that Bush was elected, that he cares about us and has some idea of what he is doing. How can we 'save' people by killing them and destroying their country? How can we strike first on the belief that we will soon be attacked? No sense, no reason, no moral grounds have gotten through to him. He is nothing but a moron puppet leading us all over the precipice. Why can't people see that the military dictator in the White House has no clothes?"

I told him that if he doubted that we are demons in Hell, he should read The Mysterious Stranger, which Mark Twain wrote in 1898, long before the First World War. In the title story, he proves to his own grim satisfaction, and to mine as well, that Satan and not God created the planet earth and 'the damned human race'. If you doubt that, read your morning paper. Never mind what paper. Never mind what date.

-----

(The writer, Kurt Vonnegut, is talking to his friend on the phone)

(Kurt says) "It certainly helped to remember what the great British socialist playwright George Bernard Shaw said about this planet."

"Which was?"

"He said, 'I don't know if there are men on the moon, but if there are, they must be using the earth as their lunatic asylum.'"

"Okay."

"You don't think this is the Lunatic Asylum of the Universe?"

"Kurt, I don't think I expressed an opinion one way or the other."

"We are killing this planet as a life-support system with the poisons from all the thermodynamic whoopee we are making with atomic energy and fossil fuels, and everybody knows it, and practically nobody cares. This is how crazy we are. I think the planet's immune system is trying to get rid of us with AIDS and new strains of flu and tuberclosis, and so on. I think the planet should get rid of us. We're really awful animals. I mean, that dumb Barbara Streisand song, 'People who need peoople are the luckiest people in the world' - she's talking about cannibals. Lots to eat. Yes, the planet is trying to get rid of us, but I think it's too late."

And I said good-bye to my friend, hung up the phone, sat down and wrote this epitaph: "The good Earth - we could have saved it, but we were too damn cheap and lazy."

-----

Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.

-----

Humour is a way of holding off how awful life can be, to protect yourself. Finally, you get just too tired, and the news is too awful, and humour doesn't work anymore. Somebody like Mark Twain thought life was quite awful but held the awfulness at bay with jokes and so forth, but finally he couldn't do it anymore. His wife, his best friend, and two of his daughters had died.

It may be that I am no longer able to joke -- that it is no longer a satisfactory defense mechanism. Some people are funny, and some are not. I used to be funny, perhaps I am not anymore. There may have been so many shocks and disappointment that the defense of humour no longer works. It may be that I have become rather grumpy because I've seen so many things that have offended me that I cannot deal with it in terms of laughter.

This may have happened already. I really don't know what I'm going to become from now on. I'm simply along for the ride to see what happens to this body and this brain of mine. I'm startled that I became a writer. I don't think I can control my life or my writing. Every other writer I know feels he is steering himself, and I don't have that feeling. I don't have that sort of control. I'm simply becoming.

All I really wanted to do was give people the relief of laughing. Humour can be a relief, like an aspirin tablet. If a hundred years from now people are still laughing. I'd certainly be pleased.

-----

I apologize to all of you who are the same age as my grandchildren. And many of you reading this are probably the same age as my grandchildren. They, like you, are being royally shafted and lied to by our Baby Boomer corporations and government.

Yes, this planet is in a terrible mess. But it has always been a mess. There have never been any "Good Old Days", there have just been days. And as I say to my grandchildren, "Don't look at me. I just got here."

There are old poops who will say that you do not become a grown-up until you have somehow survived, as they have, some famous calamity - the Great Depression, the Second World War, Vietnam, whatever. Storytellers are responsible for this destructive, not to say suicidal, myth. Again and again in stories, after some terrible mess, the character is able to say at last, "Today I am a woman. Today I am a man. The end."

When I got home from the Second World War, my Uncle Dan clapped my on the back, and he said, "You're a man now." So I killed him. Not really, but I certainly felt like doing it.

Dan, that was my bad uncle, who said a male can't be a man unless he'd gone to war.

But I had a good uncle, my late Uncle Alex. He was well-read and wise. And his principal complaint about other human beings was that they seldom noticed it when they were happy. So when we were drinking lemonade under an apple tree in the summer, say, and talking lazily about this and that, almost buzzing like honeybees, Uncle Alex would suddenly interrupt the agreeable blather to exclaim, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

So I do the same now, and so do my kids and grandkids. And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

-----

Rules only take us so far, even good rules.

-----

Who was the wisest person I ever met in my life? It was a man, but of course it needn't have been. It was the graphic artist Saul Steinberg, who like everybody else I know, is dead now. I could ask him anything, and six seconds would pass, and then he would give me a perfect answer, gruffly, almost a growl.

...I said, "Saul, I'm a novelist, and many of my friends are novelists and good ones, but when we talk I keep feeling we are in two very different businesses. What makes me feel that way?"

Six seconds passed, and then he said, "It's very simple. There are two sorts of artists, one not being in the least superior to the other. But one responds to the history of his or her art so far, and the other responds to life itself."

I said, "Saul, are you gifted?"

Six seconds passed, and then he growled, "No, but what you respond to in any work of art is the artist's struggle against his or her limitations."

-----

(The book ends off with a poem! ^-^)

REQUIEM

The crucified planet Earth,
should it find a voice
and a sense of irony,
might now well say
of our abuse of it,
"Forgive them, Father,
They know not what they do."

The irony would be
that we know what
we are doing.

When the last living thing
has died on account of us,
how poetical it would be
if Earth could say,
in a voice floating up
perhaps
from the flooe
of the Grand Canyon.
"It is done."
People did not like it here.

-----

That's all from this book! I provided so many extracts right.. Wah I use quite a bit of time one leh.. But I absorb it again when I type it out.. Wonder if I should do this less, or not? Anyway, this book was a good read! Good viewpoints.. I like to have viewpoints introduced to me like that! Either to put some of the more hazy thoughts I have had into words, or to intro viewpoints to me to excite my brain..=P

See ya!

2007-05-19T21:29:00.001+08:00

"As Lovers Go" song location @

http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/231d8e2f-9c3b-4923-b021-80c653ec3819/?id=1179581473448

2007-05-17T15:45:00.001+08:00

"Stolen" song location @

http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/526867f6-bce7-4c8f-b4fa-1628f2b2bd7d/?id=1179322344077

2007-05-16T01:14:00.000+08:00

"Blackbird" song location @

http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/f7b3ec93-c912-4e45-8bdc-7cf578c70d49/?id=1179170515559

2007-05-15T14:59:00.000+08:00

Oh my.. I've actually found a pretty good japanese drama! I've stopped watching jap dramas for some time now, but discovered one drama called '1 Litre of Tears'.. Based on a true story of a girl who had been sick, and gradually her body reflexes wouldn't follow what her brain instructs.. Which means she can't move though she wants to, and all.. This jdrama is an older one, I believe.. And I have thought that the new ones in recent years can'r compare to older ones all this while anyway.. You might want to check out '1 Litre of Tears'.. I will be! Yeap, that's all for now ^^

2007-05-13T23:36:00.000+08:00

Haiyo.. Blogger itself got problem! Want to enlarge font size also cannot.. To read my blog post in such a small font size will drive you mad.. Maybe I'll just take a short break from blogging then!

I thought of talking about Spiderman 3, and the stage drama I watched i.e. Off Centre.. Spiderman 3 sucks.. Yes, you heard that right!

I'm Spiderman (fan) ... No more!

Lolx.. Spiderman 2 had that line.. I guess I still like part 1 and 2.. But definitely not part 3.. Whatever happened to the team who made Spiderman 3? Isn't it the same team? Spiderman 3 seems barely like their standard.. I was even bored during the movie.. I have more to say.. I can say why I didn't like Spiderman 3 at all.. But not while Blogger is having problem.. Maybe I can blog about this another time when I can get to enlarge this font size.. But I can say briefly one of the reasons why I didn't like the movie.. The action is one thing.. Not enough of it.. But the actors' lines! They bored me entirely! So predictable! Whatever the characters were about to say, one can guess it all.. And one thing that I wondered most about was, is it because I'm some years older now, watching Spiderman 3? So I might have been adequately entertained watching part 2, but being 20 now, part 3 is not gonna work for me anymore.. I wonder if that is it.. So has the whole line of Spiderman movies been silly all these while, and I juz needed to get older to realize that? But I am careful not to waste my time on purely silly movies.. So if I had been such an active promoter of Spiderman 2(*bleahz*) to all my friends, had I valued it to be more than Hollywood crap then? I wonder what I had liked about Spiderman 2.. And I wonder if I'll still like it as much now.. I may, or may not, have just been subconsciously attempting to intellectualize a movie like Spiderman.. I will be reassessing my craze for Spiderman.. Boo.. I am once again showing that I have too much time on my hands.. Forget it, forget it! Haha.. I'm juz going off now.. Ciaoz

2007-05-13T23:14:00.001+08:00

The previous blogskin gave me problems.. So here's a new one now! Yeah yeah, like whatever right? Haha

2007-05-13T23:14:00.000+08:00

"If Only" song location @

http://wma.yy520.org/200609122143/rmdd172/n155.wma

2007-05-10T20:32:00.000+08:00

Black Cat anime ending theme "Kutsuzure" song location @
http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/246f26f5-436c-4179-85f2-66ad699ce68c/?id=1178800495613

"With or Without You" song location @
http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/147c09e3-7514-4fac-ba8b-fecef0856815/?id=1178800629073

2007-05-10T19:47:00.000+08:00

Oh, I've thought of why the lyrics are like that! The feel of the song made me think that maybe the lyrics are meant to express a person struggling even though he/she is in love.. "With or without you / I can't live".. Normally, wouldn't it be just "without you, I can't live"? That's normally what would be sang to a lover.. But the lyrics of this U2 song are quite surprising.. They have a "with you... I can't live".. Which would insult one's lover a great deal, if one were to say this to him/her.. Hah.. So I wondered why the lyrics are like that.. Then now I realize it may be that the lyrics want to point out the pain of being in love.. Obviously, love is not all wonderful, not painless.. So, with the lyrics going "With or without you / I can't live", I thought that they may be telling of how both having love as well as losing it is painful.. Meaning, we already know that losing someone one loves is painful.. But what about the times when you were still spending time with that someone? Are those times not occasionally painful too? You have quarrels between couples and such.. There are struggles to hold the relationship (maybe now strained) together.. But the lyrics also say that, without the loved one, one cannot live either.. And that makes it wholly meaningful.. Coz from what I understand.. The lyrics express that it's a struggle to have to love the person.. BUT, to lose the person would be unbearable too.. Hence, "With or without you / I can't live".. And I think this line packs so much more meaning than just "without you, I can't live".. If you continue loving someone although it may get difficult along the way, that makes the love somewhat saddening, but perhaps stronger, and yet more beautiful.. Enjoy the song!

(Blogger got some problem.. I have a paragraph which is supposed to be my previous post.. About how I thought the lyrics had been "I -can- live", but it turned out to be "can't".. On my blog, the paragraphs appear to be thrown together la.. Well nevermind, I've said it here now ^^)

2007-05-10T19:30:00.000+08:00

I initially thought the lyrics of this U2 song went "With or without you / I can live".. But I searched for the lyrics, and found it to be "With or without you / I can't live" instead.. Hmm..

2007-05-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

Howdy people! I've finished watching the anime "Black Cat"! This is the start off point from which I had formed a string of thoughts in my head.. But now that I am about to get them down properly, it'll take some time.. The whole string of thoughts form in my head first, and they come quickly.. But I think faster than I write.. Which I often suppose is the reason/excuse for my inability to do well in written tests..^^ And now, taking down the thoughts which came to me just now will require some time..

But I always just start off, and try to get into the flow.. So, as I've said, I'm done with watching "Black Cat".. I'm not about to review it, although I do reccommend it! Anime can be considered as another form of escapism for me.. It's possibly why every other fan of anime is a fan at all.. Gun fights, sword fights, and accompanying fancy moves too.. All these exciting stuff you won't find happening in your daily life, you get your dosage of it from anime.. Sorrie if I'm gonna sound absolute, and like a know-it-all.. It's easier phrasing my words like so.. I shall continue in this manner, although my words are not meant to be absolute yeah? Ok, let's continue.. It shouldn't be the violence that excites anime fans.. It's the coolness of it all.. Lol.. I'm starting to think my line of thought is getting childish.. I'm intending to think through why the 'coolness' in anime mean something to me and others too.. Is that all it's about? Merely coz it's 'cool'? :S Oh no no, I always like to believe that my interests are all of 'standard' one.. Haha.. I refuse to leave it at that.. As in, do we just like anime coz some anime character just looks so dashing (and again yeah, cool) with an invincible gun or blade in hand? The weapon itself always has a stylish design of its own too, in every anime of such genre.. One falls in love with the weapon as much as the character who owns it.. It's like -planned- to be that way.. Animators must have the very intention to include the weapon in the characterization process.. It's a whole package, weapon and anime character.. (And I've just read vol. 8 of Bleach, 'The Blade And Me' XP)

And I haven't answered the question of whether we just like anime coz some anime character flashing a weapon simply looks all 'coolness'.. But now I consider this: Anime characters have perfect looks, as you know.. And throw a sleek weapon in with the image.. And quite a typical anime fight scene might go like this.. Sleek weapon is looking all brilliant once anime character withdraws it to fight.. Sleek weapon glints smartly, and anime character is ready for action.. Closeup on eyes of anime character, and the determined, beautifully coloured eyes are quite a wonderful sight.. Anime character charges forth and shows off the fancy moves, and one gets all awed.. Plus anime character's beautiful hair sways in the fight(and fight like all hell's loose, yet the hair will remain ever so amazing =X), like in synchrony with the weapon's movement.. Haha.. One can't help but think 'That is one cool character!'.. For the character has not just perfect looks, but perfect grace too.. And that's more than you can ask for from guys (okok, girls too) you meet wherever you go.. Lolz.. But of course, I'm don't think that we humans should aim for perfection.. Not only are we incapable of it, but that would be tiresome too..

So yeah, even if one does like an anime character simply coz the character's 'cool', I think I have justified that pretty fairly..XD But liking an anime character for looking perfectly suave also suggests that in the real world, one is pretty deprived.. Boo hoo.. That means I am too (T.T)

Haha.. Let us move on.. This is not the sole reason for liking anime.. There are others.. I mentioned in an above paragraph that all the exciting stuff that happens in an anime which one won't find happening in one's daily life, one can get a dosage of it by watching anime then.. I have put down in my blog sentences which Tim Burton has said before in an interview, about one's need for some drama in one life.. I have applied to this idea, and I think it will continue to hold true for me.. So yeah, anime action gives me some of that drama.. I am a silly nut to sometimes imagine myself to be able to have the action that anime characters have.. Under the influence of "Black Cat", I have imagined if I could have some mysterious male persona(but of course, I will imagine him to be most handsome, which will not cause me to be frightened of him, but instead I'll warm to the sight of him immediatedly and then follow him into the night ;D) just pop by my bedroom window on one night, and then my whole life would change.. Wahaha.. Then I'll make rooftops my frequent hang-out, and go moon-gazing, and join alliances that fight in the name of justice, and meet the most loyal friends and comrades, and of course continue flirting with the mysterious male persona, and- and- And somebody please slap me to stop this uttering of nonsense :P But indeed.. This is what I have sometimes imagined..

But IF it were to happen(though it never will, duh), take for example I were to be transported into the anime wonderland for a day (hasn't such a storyline been developed already anyway? fushigi yuugi or something, isn't it ;P this is probably how ideas come about.. progressive thinking in line with the times), I wouldn't be able to keep up with action anyway! -Watching- the hero in "Black Cat" execute all his moves so rapidly and stylishly sure kept my adrenaline going.. But when -I- was jogging today, I ran enthusiastically in the beginning with the image of the hero in "Black Cat" racing forth to save some friends.. But not long later, as you might have guessed, I had no more energy lor.. Hahax.. Btw, this is merely the second time I have jogged in this period of time.. I have barely started on my 'exercise programme'.. It was bad running in the park downstairs of my block.. I felt like the atmosphere lacked oxygen.. Ahaha.. Hey, but it's not really an excuse.. I felt so much better running at Bedok Reservoir..

But I did conjur the image of the hero racing forth in my head.. ;P It's what I do.. Try to make things more exciting than they are in reality.. Least I can do eh? Since I can't have the exact action that anime characters have.. Heh..

So there'll be no getting rid of my enemy with just one clean shot from the prized gun, while I stand atop some building in the night, trench coat flapping in the wind.. But I've just thought of something.. A possible reason why anime fans might like the idea of flashing a gun or a blade.. As I've said, I'm not counting on the element of violence.. Rather, I think it's the wish to show off.. Hehe.. I mean, isn't it the coolest (once again) to be able to suddenly reveal some new power others do not possess? It's been long known that having power just makes one feel good.. The more fanciful the power, the more thrilling to showcase.. This has just come to mind.. Case scenario: On the day of collection of 'A' Level results. I had received news of my results which are far too mediocre for my liking. Then a Godzilla comes stomping into the auditorium of Millennia Institute, and I find myself delivering a nuclear wave in the direction of Godzilla, which instantly eradicates it. Will everyone be wondering at my results or my surprising powers? Haha.. Pardon me.. This paragraph is ready to be edited..=P One will wish for a one-in-a-million kind of power than for an ability anyone else can have.. Maybe a small part of me wants to show off too as I'm learning to play the guitar..^^ Hehehe.. But I also feel some private joy in knowing that I can play ok.. But I only want to show off to my family lah.. I won't be so shameless to want to show off to friends.. Haha.. I play the same tune over and over at home, wondering if my brother and father can hear and recognize.. Lol! Right now, I'm still learning the basics.. I know how to play the birthday song, and Elderweiss =_="

But instead of showing off 'ability'.. I think it'll be more meaningful to establish 'identity'.. Such that one knows oneself is trying to polish an ability not to show off, but coz one is interested mastering that ability.. So when capable people come up with great works, surely it's not for the sake of saying 'Oh look, I'm such a genius'.. But it's to say that 'this work of mine expresses me'..

Whatever you love, is you.. If we love nobody and are loved by noone, what becomes of us? I have quoted in my Friendster account a line from the movie 'Closer'.. In a particular scene, this man is angry with a woman, and seeing a side of her he has not seen before, he yells at his complex girlfriend in frustration, "Who are you!" "I am NOONE!" The girl screamed as she cries.. And it was coz she was no longer sure if the man loved her.. Well, I have tried being philosophical in previous blog posts right.. So we don't know why the hell we are here in this world yeah? (I don't seem to be moving away from this line of philosophy :S) So what else gives our existence more meaning than people we love and people who love us? It's the feelings within that drive us.. Not material stuff.. But of course material stuff could be made use of to make us 'happy', so-called.. I'll settle for seeing more of the world out there.. As in, travel.. But we are humans.. We'll need that human-to-human connection sometime or other in our life.. No material item can respond to one the way another human does.. We all need to work so hard at finding people to love and people to love us.. For real..

Sometimes the family you're given loves you already.. So I am lucky in that sense.. Although understanding occasionally may be quite another case, you know it when they are the ones who will stick by you.. But I have yet to talk about my mother.. I am not sure what I could talk about.. Her anniversary is in a few days.. While people are about to celebrate Mother's Day too.. I am still inadequate in thinking about this.. The friction between us then could not have been helped.. I was just angry then.. I find myself saying sorry.. But I wonder if there's a point.. People have talked about wishing to turn back time.. But for me, if that were to happen.. Would I have felt less angry? Would I have been able to control my temper? I don't think I would have been able to completely.. But I think I would have tried to control my temper just a little more.. There have also been times when I would think about the present instead of the past.. Of whether she'll be quite happy to see the person I have become in this period of time.. I mean, I must be somewhat changed now as compared to a year ago.. I want to be able to say that I'm different in a better way too.. I have forgotten about all our quarrels.. I think about her seeing me in the present, and wonder if instead of the quarrels then, she could be quite happy with the way I have turned out now.. I didn't score fantastic results though.. She would have been quite glad if I did.. But I wish to only show that, I will take responsibility for myself.. I will continue with my life, as best as I can.. Try to make the best kind of life for myself.. If I'm proud of myself, I hope she'll be proud of me too..

Ok, I'll leave off talking about that for now.. Just now, I said 'Whatever you love, is you' yeah? The works people produce help them to express themselves.. That is why I don't want to settle for merely watching shows, movies and all for long.. I have a wish to -create- them! I gotta move up to that stage! Then my works will be -me-...^_^

Me, me, me, me! Yes, this blog is supposed to be about me..

But do I overdo it?

Haha, hope not! :X

2007-04-27T14:09:00.000+08:00

Here are some pictures for a change! =] I put them up on Friendster as well, and they're gonna have the same captions as on Friendster.. View them here or on Friendster, as you wish :)

I got scenic photos too.. Of the sky and stuff.. But I gotta edit those.. The colours are much less brilliant when uploaded onto the computer.. Portrait photos are fine.. But those kind of colours for scenic photos won't serve the purpose of such photos yeah? Coz scenic photos especially, have colour as one of the most important elements.. Anyway, I'm just gonna have to edit my scenic photos! And I'll only show them once I can turn them into the 'masterpieces' they are meant to be.. Haha, as if..*makes a face*

Meanwhile, here are some pretty fun photos!

Oh wait, there is a problem with a few photos uploaded here.. Friendster should show them all fine though ^^

At Island Cafe, Tangs Orchard

Me, Justina, Hamizah =)

Drink.. Just water! Lolz.. May just beat drinking vitagen and all :P

Pic of Clark Quey, as you may recognize.. The words all blurred out though

Borrowed this hilarious specs from my bro's girlfriend! X) The lenses are just made of glass! *LOL*

Mental state breaking down. . .

' o '

I'm trying to pick my nose with my tongue..*thumbsup*

Still haven't gotten enough of me? Hehe, see next shot...

I'm gonna be so in your face!

Oh my.. What a healthy looking tongue XP

*Chuuu* -pukes-

And a normal pic of me at the end, to say that "I'm not as ugly as I make myself out to be!" XD

Does my hand here look like a baby's hand or what? ^^ Randomness.. Haha

Random pic again from the anime "Black Cat".. I made my phone settings cause this to have the blue hues.. Love it! Gorgeous creation, this guy :P

That's all now! Scenic photos possibly coming up!

2007-04-27T12:13:00.001+08:00

"The Blues" song location @

http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/b86aa7e3-ba01-4f2a-b964-28508338043a/?id=1177647183712

2007-04-25T23:24:00.001+08:00

"The Shadow Proves The Sunshine" song location @

http://www.esnips.com/nsdoc/25a33b3c-7853-48e6-b734-317916302df7/?id=1177394165480

2007-04-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

FREAKING AWESOME! Haha.. Excuse me for my outburst, but it's coz I'm excited! I found a website that has online streaming of anime! And it seems like it's even better than YouTube! The videos are so much clearer on this website I have found.. YouTube have been taking away anime episodes too.. That will prove that even YouTube, with its god-like status on the Internet, may still be outshone by some lesser known websites.. I'm glad I had tried to find where else I can watch anime online.. When I had not held much hope of easily finding a good website at first.. But I found it so quickly, in contrary to my expectations *wide beam* People, be happy for me.. Wahaha.. Ok, I should cool it ^_^"

But another thing is that I think I have finally found another anime which will be worthwhile to watch.. The anime is 'Black Cat'.. I found out it's a pretty much new anime from its page on Wikipedia.. There are guns and stuff.. Oh yes, right again.. Cliched, it is.. But I have yet to explore this anime myself.. Yet the art of this anime looks great.. And the action seems fast-moving enough for me! Stylish too.. The hero has got cool streaks of dark brown hair, and dons a long black coat in the anime.. Typical of an assassin, I agree.. But the art of the anime makes it look real good.. And coz of this, I love the black coat thingy I bought myself previously all the more! Ahaha.. Check out "Black Cat" if you're looking for a new anime series to watch.. Shouldn't be bad at all..

I think I might even like the action in this better than that in Bleach.. Sorry to compare, but I don't like the art of the Bleach anime.. It somewhat irks me.. Hehz.. It looks raw, if you ask me.. This is my personal opinion only ^^ The art of "Black Cat" looks great to me, coz it appears more fine.. The colours are softer, so it doesn't irk me at all.. Softer colours also make it appear classier.. On the other hand, I'm a fan of "Ouran High School Host Club".. Haha.. That anime has super bright colours.. Yet, it fits the genre.. The anime looks like candy..=] It's a deliciously fun anime mah.. And it's great that the anime was given some depth with characters who all have different attitudes and a different past of their own.. I will always remember my enjoyment of watching "Ouran High School Host Club"! And then "Death Note" is worth mentioning.. But I have not been watching subsequent episodes faithfully.. I will be checking out "Black Cat" first.. Heh.. See ya

2007-04-23T12:48:00.000+08:00

Another long Sunday afternoon. My dad, my brother and me. All three of us at home, but we don't say much to each other. On days like this, my boredom is heightened such that I can actually feel its presence within.. Like how we can really feel it, when we have a 'heavy heart' and things like that.. Anyway, I dislike this feeling the most.. The feeling of boredom-cum-exasperation-cum-desperation..

But the afternoon is past already anyway.. So I shall not continue in this mood.. My dad has also turned on the tv again.. I can withdraw from this mood now.. So it really can be this easy for me to stop being moody? I mentioned something along this line in a previous blog post.. So do I have mood swings or what.. I wouldn't like to think so.. If all these are just about my unreasonable mood swings, then I make so much out of it for what.. As in, out of issues such as my feeling so bored at home to the extent of desperation.. But such afternoons at home have really been so quiet and dull! And coz there's no school for now, there have been more of such afternoons! Boredom in this period of time is undeniable and also inevitable.. I used to step out of the house almost everyday, because I still needed to go to school now and then.. Now, I can't possibly find places to go to each and every day..

But whether I go out or not, what exactly am I doing with my time?!? Why are there breaks like these?? Having to wait to enter yet another school.. University is still a school, isn't it.. Time is being wasted! My life is being wasted! Because I'm not accomplishing anything, well, solid.. If it can be put that way.. But I just don't like this to happen.. I might try to make use of this period of time to think properly about the next path to take.. I sometimes think I am actually occupying my time fairly well, in other words, quite productively.. I read more.. (Not all shallow stuff, I give you my word ^^) Watch movies as usual.. And they're not all shallow movies either yeah.. But though books and movies seem like they will always be able to occupy one's time, since there are so many different books and movies, they have increasingly been failing to suppress my boredom in this period of time.. I have been skipping paragraphs, and whole pages too, of novels which I could have sworn I have interest in.. I have not only been getting bored.. But also impatient.. And then again, desperate.. Sigh.. But it's ok.. I'm saying all this now with a relatively light heart.. But there are those 'moments of darkness' of course, which are to be viewed as a matter of course in fact, and I'm just trying to talk about them..

When I said I have been skipping paragraphs in novels I could have sworn I have interest in, in other words, maybe I really should just say.. I don't know what I'm doing.. Haha.. Sigh. Does everything boil down to that eventually? (Or really, perhaps I should say, I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing - which is really nothing. Ahaha I'm just trying to be funny, just babbling. That's why this informal babble is in a bracket. You can forget about it =S) I have even been asking myself the 'BIG' questions.. Like, who can say what ought to be what (as in, how things in the world should run) when we all came to this world, not knowing what should be what.. There's no context at all.. This must be why some religious people really go all out for their religion.. 'Cause they feel that nothing is more worth knowing than the very reason we're in this world in the first place..

And let's track back a little again.. I had said, I don't know what I'm doing in this period of time.. And it's because I feel that all that I'm doing up till now has had no effect on anything.. Like I had said, 'solid' accomplishment.. One can prove nothing with the studying.. Another 'BIG' question I've been considering.. Once the life we have here on earth ends, one takes nothing along right? So to hell with all those material things.. Not literally yeah.. XD So I can't just keep studying, and do like some of those people, to go on to studying for an MBA or something.. Of course, such high certification prove that they definitely have got some intelligence of their own.. But it's not something I would do.. I don't need all the certification.. Don't get me wrong, I will be going on to say that I really think that I need to get into a university.. But I said the above, meaning to express that I don't need so much of the material things in this life, instead I wish to feel the feelings that emphasize on my being alive.. Sense of purpose and all.. Sounds familiar right..

Anyway I do think I need to get into a university.. But none of the local universities have called me up for an interview.. I scored a CDD.. Not the worst, but not among the best at all either.. Suay arh.. One could think of it as simply as that, and it may not be all wrong either.. Things just happen to be this way sometimes.. Our year had more students, isn't it? I wonder how much such a mere statistical factor had lowered our chances.. With my CDD, I really don't deserve to go to any of the universities is it.. Jeez.. But actually, so far I have only had in my mind the wish to enter NTU.. I am not partial towards NUS and SMU, for personal reasons.. I kinda foresee I wouldn't develop myself the way I want to there.. But I really wouldn't know huh? But I'm entitled to carry my gut feeling(which is not all based on intuition, but I did go for NUS openhouse, asked the SMU representative questions and all).. So I also wonder, so what if I got called up for their interviews.. I would have my doubts and apprehensions.. But the thing is.. I can't afford to not jump at the chance of going to NUS either.. (SMU social science programme is new, so must understand that I doubt it with good reason? So, left with NUS, I will still have to jump at any chance of going to NUS) Yet it's not like they're calling me up for an interview at all.. How shity is that..

I feel like ending off this blog post already.. It's getting late.. I've been open-minded with regards to education, with all my thinking thoughts like 'Who can say what ought to be what' and etc.. Tests need to be adequate enough in all aspects in order to examine man's varied abilities.. We're all capable in our own way.. Can a piece of paper certification ever say enough about a man's abilities? It's the experience on the job that counts.. Gathering hands-on experience may be the more important thing.. I wonder what experience I can go on to seek? I quit my job at Borders already.. On to do other things! If I can find some other not bad work to do, I will go do now.. Hope to find it quickly.. Doesn't have to be a job per se, I've been emailing the Necessary Stage again.. Raintree Pictures still don't need people =( They don't ever take volunteers lah..

But I think I will want to go on to the university.. The university stage is still necessary.. The high levels of Master's degree and all, I think we should all just take it easy eh? But that's for me to say.. I don't wish to enter the business world, so it's not so necessary for me to fight it out in terms of obtaining higher and higher degrees.. Right? Hmm, everything I say on my blog is more or less open for discussion.. But I don't even have a tag board.. Still, a tag board wouldn't serve the purpose.. Aiya, no time lah! I blog already take quite long, don't want to discuss anymore. Haha.. But I don't ever mean to sound like a know-it-all on my blog anyway.. I'm careful to moderate myself, to never turn into a know-it-all, because that can be dangerous..

And so, I had said I think I will still want to go to the university.. Cos even though I have always expressed disapproval with the 'O' Level and 'A' Level system and all, I would have needed them to develop my mind into a thinking machine.. I don't care for the content that the 'O' and 'A' Level systems test us on, but at least they got my mind running.. Otherwise I'll still have the mind of a little kid or something.. Get the idea? Yet, the reason I rail at the 'O' and 'A' Level system is because the content they test us on, made me do badly.. And I then have to struggle harder.. The content killed my natural drive.. So I performed below the standards of my natural capability.. Lol.. Am I just boasting or what? I don't know, I wouldn't be able to know myself how true the above is. I still keep wishing for better environments.. When will be the time I will be in places where I can be at my best? I myself will have to keep going to find out..

MOE thinks we should learn contrasting subjects even so they are like a safety net or something? Luckily I was not suay enough to have to take contrasting subjects.. But in secondary school, took a whole bunch (like, I kinda forgot, 8 subjects?) without knowing why I was studying them.. But if students are to take a variety of subjects when young, should really lessen the workload! So we actually study less, and think more.. Thinking needs to be more free reign.. And let students do less work for the subjects they don't feel as partial to, and do more for the subjects they have great interest in.. It'll be quite complicated to implement.. But it's ever so important.. I have been 'killed' in my life as a student.. Now, still got the question of university to contend with..

I think I still need to enter the university.. Now the University of New South Wales will be having a campus in Singapore.. That's an option, but I will save lots more money should I be able to enter a local uni.. But maybe I will be left with the option of the UNSW.. If I should have to seriously consider the UNSW, must find out more about their education.. Hopefully it will suit me.. Hope I don't burn too big a hole in my father's pocket also leh.. The UNSW campus in Singapore is an option coz I don't have to go overseas.. Will I be able to cope going overseas right now? So embarrassed to say, but it will be hard for me to cope sia.. The arrangements that have to be made.. Will I be up to it? But I have always thought of developing myself overseas.. That, I'm like, set on it.. So, when will it be then? If I'm doubtful of my going overseas now, then when.. YAH! WHEN? This is something I have only thought of now as I blog! Am I going to wait until I'm pretty much an old woman already then go overseas? My doubt will just increase, and I may just give up the idea altogether! Why shouldn't I aim to go overseas earlier? Youth matters.. The feeling of youth itself is precious.. One shouldn't delay plans.. Do I dare to make my plans now.. May God give me strength and courage.. I should think about it.. I should try to make plans, do things of significance.. And not waste this damn boring and damn blank 'break' period while I'm at it..

Everything gets harder while we get older.. Everyday gets harder even.. I will be putting up more of Switchfoot's songs.. Lol.. I actually bought a CD of theirs.. Some of their songs have too heavy rock music for my liking.. But the feel of those other songs I like better is deep.. The lead singer has got a deep, feeling voice.. And some of the lyrics bring out the message that goes along right with the feel of the music.. Deep also.. Don't really know how to say why I kinda like this band.. But they just go deep.. Haha.. That's crappy.. I'm not into all that heavy rock, coz I don't like rock music just coz I'm a depressive.. But I like rock music that jolts me, and puts me into modes of angst and deep thinking or something =]

2007-04-18T00:08:00.000+08:00

This will be yet another blog post with everything thrown together.. Quotes, extracts and all the remaining stuff I have written down in my notebook, but have yet to share them, I will get them down in this blog post.. Not too many left.. I like to share them also because I get to go through them again, and more thoroughly.. Hope you enjoy the following!

-----

"Making a film by just worrying about the audience's reactions is like getting a gun without the bullets; To worry only about the subject of the film without considering the audience's reactions is like getting the bullets without the gun."

-----

"One must simply try consciously to aim straight at the impossible. Of course one must stay balanced as one goes. But only on the condition that balance is made uncertain. Increasingly uncertain."

-----

I see that I have a lot of trouble
With what happens by itself anyway
I see that I have a lot of trouble
Because it happens by itself anyway
I see that I'm rushing toward the point
Where everything happens by itself anyway
If I'm not rushing toward the point
I can't even see that it happens by itself

I see that I understand too much
I see that I'm getting into death
As if I understood it well
As if it would be fine
For death to understand me well
For death to be getting into me
I see that I'm running a fever
I see that I'm afraid

I see that I am here by choice
See that I do not vanish
Though I may want to
See that there is no connection
Between what I want
And what I would choose
See that I must start over
On good and evil

I see that there is nothing to see
See that I love you blindly
See that I walk into a fog
To find my way
Because I can see that in the fog
I cannot find my way
I see that these movements within me
Are faithful to me

-----

(this is one part I left out from the extracts I shared from the book, "Interviews with Tim Burton")

Q: The first words of a movie are usually important. Here(i.e. in "Edward Scissorhands"), they are Kim saying, "Snuggle in, sweetie, it's cold out there." To me, that could almost be the epitaph to the entire film - and not because it's snowing.
A: Yeah. Everybody goes through it everyday. It's not the most sensitive place. Lookit, if you analyze what you go through in a day, in your job, when is anything completely one way? And you know what, you can drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Good and bad. Positive and negative. Funny and sad. Every second is a flip-flop of some feeling. And ultimately, that's what it's all about. It's unbelievably complicated. I don't get it, but I get it: that, to me, is about as real as it gets. That's why I hate most movies. They kind of simplistically tell you what they are all about. They don't capture what life is about in any way. What am I talking about? I have no idea?
People are weird. And I think we forget, because we're so intelligent that we are all basically animals. Animal instincts take over all the time, under the surface of things. People say to me, "Oh, you must be really happy!" Well, there's no sense of happiness, there's no connection to anybody, people aren't being nice to you because they really want to be, a lot of time. You know who your friends are - people you like and respond to - and you know when it's complete bullshit. It's not like anybody's acting real to you. Because there's no real context anymore. Especially, here, where it's all business, even the social. And America is founded on that principle - that's why everybody is over here to begin with. That's the whole point. It's frightening.

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"The subconscious has a higher content of reality than the conscious utterance."

(This and the below two quotes come from a book entitled "The Theatre of the Absurd" by Martin Esslin. Yeah, I found the bit we did in Lit class got me interested!)

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Each of us says
Not what he wants to say, but what is seemly. Words
Conspire treacherously behind our backs
And it is not we who speak the words, the words speak us
And betray our thoughts which also
Betray our treacherous feelings...

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"The denying of reality is the asserting of it,
And the asserting of emptiness is the denying of it"

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By Edgar Allan Poe
"Music"

When music affects us to tears, seemingly causeless, we weep not, as Gravina supposes, from 'excess of pleasure'; but through excess of an impatient, petulant sorrow that, us mere mortals, we are as yet in no condition to banquet upon those supernal estasies of which the music affords us merely a suggestive and indefinite glimpse.

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By Edgar Allan Poe
"Stanzas"

How often we forget all time, when lone
Admiring Nature's universal throne;
Her woods - her wilds - her mountains - the intense
Reply of HERS to our intelligence!

In youth have I known one with whom the Earth
In secret communing held - as he with it,
In daylight, and in beauty from his birth:
Whose fervid, flickering torch of life was lit
From the sun and stars, whence he had drawn forth
A passionate light - such for his spirit was fit -
And yet the spirit knew not, in the hour
Of its own fervour, what had o'er it power.

Perhaps it may be that my mind is wrought
To a fever by the moonbeam that hangs o'er,
But I will half believe that wild light fraught
With more sovereignty than ancient lore
Hath ever told; - or is it of a thought
The unembodied essence, and no more,
That with a quickening spell doth o'er us pass
As dew of the night-time o'er the summer grass?

Doth o'er us pass, when, as th' expanding eye
To the loved object, - so the tear to the lid
Will start, which lately slept in apathy?
And yet it need not be - (that object) hid
From us in life - but common- which doth lie
Each hour before us - but then only, bid
With a strange sound, as of a harp-string broken,
To awake us - 'T is a symbol and a token

Of what in other worlds shall be - and given
In beauty by our God, to those alone
Who otherwise would fall from life and Heaven
Drawn by their heart's passion, and that tone,
That high tone of the spirit which hath striven,
Tho' not with Faith - with godliness - Whose throne
With desperate energy hath beaten down;
Wearing its own deep feeling as a crown